december 20th , 2005
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things said between me and other on LJ today:

person on lj:

ana, i love all your work, but i have to ask--why do some of your hats have holes in them? what does it all mean?!

me:

why do some rock formations have holes in them and others do not?
why are some clouds shaped like this and others like that?

---

person on lj (about 7 tea cups hat):
there would be a lot of a draft on the teacup side! i guess a skull cap underneath in white would add warmth and extra texture to the look though. assuming the person who would wear this is giving a rat's about it keeping them warm.

me:

you are correct, a person who would wear this would NOT give a rat's ass about keeping warm with it :)

that would be the equivalent about giving a rat's ass if wearing ring would open the portal to a parallel dimension.

i'm sure there ARE rings that open gateways into parallel dimensions...but if this hat were that ring...it would not be of the portal opening kind but rather the kind one would wear while having tea with faeries on tuesday afternoons.

----

a person on lj (seaking about this photo of mine: http://www.anacam.com/lj2005/112905b.jpg):

Yes I like what is going on here a lot... the colours and textures emphasise a warmth which contrasts nicely with the season. There is a sense of nurturing certainly, but there is sadness in the eyes and while it seems the breast is being revealed, it also seems uncertain if the hand offers, protects, examines. I also like how it has the feel of a painting. Great photographs/paintings can tell many interesting stories, and there are quite a few here.

me:
thinking about what you said more...and you analysis is entirely correct!
you just totally tapped into what i was thinking and feeling at the very moment i took that photo! all those conflicting emotions.
that's amazing you could see that in the photo and then tell me something about one second of my life i had forgotten or wasn't completely aware of in that moment :) amazing!

it makes me realize that what we put "into" a photo is so much more than just pixels or a the capturing of light against an object...the photo itself, perhaps, contains an "essence" of that moment beyond the purely physical :)

+++

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?

tried absinthe

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

sort of and maybe!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

not to a human child.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

not a physical death.

5. What other countries did you visit?

hell

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?

a feeling of security

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

i don't even want to talk about it, but i don't remember the exact date.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

making it out alive

9. What was your biggest failure?

putting up with too many people's bullshit.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

depression/anxiety

11. What was the best thing you bought?

not counting the restraining order on my mother or the bill to the emergency vet for pooka. tickets to see U2 :)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

anyone who would speak up, publically, against the atrocities happening on this planet right now.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

everyone's except a few friends.

14.Where did most of your money go?

rent, server, food, utilities

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

letting go of clutter and feng shui, kabbalah, the idea to make my movie on my next birthday (and too many other things to count)

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?

"let go" by frou frou

17. Compared to this time last year, you are:

more scarred, more cynical, more strong, more confident

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

crochet and music

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

surfing on the internet

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

at my dad's

22. Did you fall in love in 2005?

every year i fall in love with my boyfriend :)

23. What was your favorite TV program?

Lost, six feet under, and the british version of "the office", and csi

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

yes, but it's not a big deal

25. What was the best book you read?

i don't think i actually finished a book, sadly, but i read many things from many places and learned a great deal.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

akron family, animal collective, angels of light, queen adreena, muse, m.i.a.

27. What did you want and get?

more space by getting rid of things.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Jandek on Corwood

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

stressed out about my family and and a huge vet bill for one of my dogs,
ate unfulfilling sushi, and then afterwards tried a monsterburger from hardees or burger king or whoever has the monster burger. and eating 1/2 of it on the car ride home was the best part of the day!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

not procrastinating

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?

mixing masculine with the feminine.
girly poney tails with men's utilitarian clothing. men's black jeans and men's long sleeved t shirt or men's pajamas, and men's engineer boots. with a big white furry hat.

or clear plastic fetish boots and a latex elizabethan collar, with a painted on mustache like a muskateer.

32. What kept you sane?

my dogs, my boyfriend, ana2.com, xanax and CSI

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

fancy as in admire? oprah and whitley strieber

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

the hurricane/flood in new orleans, homosexuals not being able to legally marry

35. Who did you miss?

sonia, my grandfather, samara hesper golden

36. Who was the best new person you met?

benson3, ladymalone and ladder7 on lj

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005

if i can survive getting a restraining order on my mother, i can survive just about anything.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

from frou frou's "let go":

"So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown"

 

2:25pm

misc things i've found on my computer from years gone past.
me and the original BATMAN car!
a bunch of jennicam pix where she says happy birthday to me and other things :)
other cams that said "hi" to me, planet concrete, isa,...
pix of tori and i...just lots of little things...
me at "jennicom", where friends of her would meet at her "time share" and hang out.

			batman car!
this is "snack boy" he died a few years ago. car accident. R.I.P.	he had the greatest sense of humour!

 

2:17pm

i was going to do a 2005 retrospective in pictures and words, but i just don't have time with everything else on my plate.
i made a collage for january and a collage for february. and here they both are but that is as far as i got.

stream of consciousness poem from last night:

note to shelf
i'm dusting my own pockets now
and feeling like a high rise bending
with the churn of your sprockets, suddenly.
delicatest machine?
clasp me NO.
your NOledge is an echo of an echo of an echo...
bitter at your summary.
better for your absence.
i flick it off like the world of atlas.
i don't think you'll ever understand me
but thanks for pretending to try.
monotonous U.
the grass laughs.

yesterday was coojie's birthday and today is fuzzy's,
and fuzzy is having a party so i will be doing that tonight.
i'll see coojie there, i think, so i will get together all my presents.

my house is chilly. i think i will turn the heat on more.
it's greay today.
i'm listening to Aha.

+++

Horoscope for Aries (December 20 2005)

Mutual support
Weak, transient effect: Today during the day you feel quite good, and you enjoy being with congenial people. Probably it would be best to be with old friends whom you know well and with whom you have already established strong emotional ties. But you will not be closed to new acquaintances. You make it clear to those around you that you are concerned for their welfare and that you will help them out if they ever need it. And the chances are that they feel the same way about you. This influence denotes a time when you and your friends support each other and feel that you belong together. This is a good time for any sort of group activity, because by working together you all will feel that it is a group effort from which everyone will benefit equally. And this is true.

and

Just when you think you know what to do, something happens to make you reconsider your actions. You could get all fired up about a philosophical, political or religious belief. Making a stand regarding a basic core value is one thing, but arguing about a fine point of logic is something else. Be aware of the difference as you gauge what is important.

and

There is a clarity of perception for us on Tuesday many will cleaning, straightening, trying to express it in a get 'da shit together format. It lets us know that these kinds of activities are really more mental then physical. To execute only takes a few hours, but stack up the hours (days?) thinking about it, ignoring it, moving it around to a new place or straightening up the stack so it looks better. Well we all know the scenario. When the vision is there it's like a speed robot is sorting, throwing, filing. Let it rip!, being clear on the solstice or at least having a good survey is very advantageous!