excerpt from anagram110599 on ana2.com

(click here to get back to the anacam)

here is part of something i just wrote to tori amos( i sometimes include letters i've written to people in my
anagrams because my letters are journal entries):

it was cool and weird 2 see the clip of u and i promoting the chat.
i made a url for it so it's easier to get to:

hello.to/toriana

it's a forwarding url, u can get one for anything by typing in "i.am" in your browser.

i'm trying to make a banner to promote it, but i can't come up with one i like yet, but i do have it in my caption right now

i'm so excited to see the chat i can't even stand it. it was all such a whirlwind to me i have to watch it to see what on earth really happened.

i hope you are doing ok. you were so so tired when i saw you, i hope u are getting enough rest.

i finally found the questions i wrote down to ask u . i don't think i got to ask many of them...it seems i asked a few then each one led into a whole different uiverse. it was over so quickly. i wish we would have had more time to just talk to "warm up"..if u know what i mean. such on odd thing to just sit down and have a conversation while a bunch of lights and people are on you and it's all being taped. i know that sounds like what i do everyday, i guess it is in a way...but since mine is on all day...i have all day..or many days..to warm up to <insert brilliant creative moment >

it's not just like "boom...ok go! talk! conversation! create!" i meander in and out of creativity. that's what i like about my cam, it's like a infinite doodle that leads to a big doodle and sometimes leads to nowhere in particular for days or weeks...then all of a sudden one doodle one day might turn into a really big painting of a sort.

here are the questions i had written down for our interview/conversation.

1) what do u fear most?
2) if you were going to die in one month, what would u do?
3)do u believe that we create our own reality?
4)how do u ground yourself before going on stage?
5)what are your flaws?
6) who inspires you, who are your heros, and if met them , how did that affect u?
7) sculpting energy at yours shows...how do u visualize it?
8)do u remember your dreams? if so, do u have an recurring dreams?
9)do u ever have lucid dreams?
10)have u ever astrally projected?
11)myths, what are your favourites?
12)what are the misconceptions about u?
13) what do u wish to talk about in interviews tha never gets brought up?
14)what kind of questionsa do u wish people asked more of u?
15) what kind of questions irritate u the most?
16)do u believe that sleep is a waste of time?
17)do u believe that we create our own reality ?
18) do u believe that we can "switch" to different realities?
19) how do u deal with jealousy?
20)how do u deal with "hero worship"
21)how do u deal with projection?
22)what are the most common things that people project upon u that is not anything to do with u?
23)i believe that if u follow minute by minute what would be the most joyful thing to do as each moment comes, that is the "path" of most "abundance". have i found this to be true?
24)tell me about your fascination with astrology
25)do u ever pray?

those are most of the questions..then there are questions within those questions that i didn't write out specific enough because it's so hard to put into words.

it's cold in my apartment and i'm hungry for smoke oysters. luckily i have some :)
man, that sushi we ate was incredible. what was the name of that restaurant so i can go back there?

i have been playing with polymer clay lately...clay that is plastic. it gets hard when u bake it.
i really have been wanting to make a doll in my image with it's own acessories..little laptop and cam and stuff...but i don't have the $ to pay anyone to sculpt it for me or all the thngs u need to do it..making the mold etc..it seems a very complicated and expensive process
( oh, i saw that article where they mentioned the woman that makes tori dolls! intense! )
my dolls will be light hearted dolls....i want to make dolls of my dogs to go with somehow
anyway..i've re-stumbled upon polymer clay..u can get it at any craft store and i found a place i can order it online. it comes in every colour imaginable, or glow in the dark, or glitter, etc. then u can paint it too.
but it's more complex than i thought..there are SO many kinds of polymer clay, i didn't realize, some are easier to paint on...etc...
and i can make molds from this clay. so if i can figure out how to do it, i can make my own little doll factory :)

oh, and i'm so pissed, i brought my cd to give 2 u when i was in NYC, and i forgot 2 give it 2 u...is there an address i can send it 2 u?

i hope i did not info-overload u when i saw u...i get so excited and i see the "window of oppurtunity" and i cram in everything through the window i can!
my band i was with for 11 years would always be amused at this, because our practices were 3/4ths of us all talking and haring stories. we'd play 1/2 a song then i'd go, "oh i forgot to tell u about <insert thing>!!!" i always have so much to convey and show...that is why my cam is such a good thing for me because i find out about all this cool stuff, or think all these thoughts..and i can constantly be showing everyone worldwide all about it at all hours of the day!
and it's cool since i'm slowed down through a 33.6 modem, people can take me in at a speed they can handle and digest at their leisure, where as if u see me in the flesh i'm a big crazed thing of energy.

so i hope i did not overload u, i know u were already on overload from your big crazy day...so i'm sorry if i added to that in a bad way in any way.
my biggest fear i have is that i would ever be a burden on anyone. i so much do not want to be a drain on anyone's energy, and i fear that maybe i did that to u because i was so excited about everything i could not just slow down and see how tired you were. you are so gracious.

i swear i can be mellow :)
but my constant fear is like tha REM lyric "oh no, i've said too much..i haven't said enough"
that is my battle because i just want to convey everything "correctly" and "clearly"

and now i just want to apologize for being paranoid! argh. it is so silly really. so much energy i put into wondering
but if u could see my face as i type this...it would make more sense to see my silly faces and hand gestures that go with these sentences :)

i overthink everything and i have all the time in the world to overthink it.

and now i am thinking about tomotoes and how much i wish i had some to eat....i looked over at a big red ball of transparent polymer clay and it remided me of tomatoes. i was rolling it around in my hand when i was semi-watching tarkovsky's nostalgia
and my dogs are upside down on the couch. i really wish u could meet my dogs they are such incredible beings, they teach me so much about being in the present moment, something i need to learn to get a lot better at!

my dogs, japanese chins, were worshipped as gods in ancient china. they were kept in temples in bird cages and fed sake to keep them small.
they don't bark hardly ever. they are little fluff monster love beings :)

ok, that's probably enough typing for now.....
i'll send u some more pictures from my cam soon.
i redesigned anacam, it looks so much better now

mucho amour,
me