| december
15th , 2005 |
||
this is part of what i wrote to my
friend about my dream i had about prince right before i woke up and then saw
the links about the rabbi being a dangerous sexual predator!
i had to include it here because thingie just wrote under the bed that he
had a dream about prince and i , too!
and i was down a well in a church with sexual stuff down the well.
and in MY dream prince throws e down a well and tries to bury me alive.
UNCANNY!
here is my dream:
"i just woke up from
a nap where i had this REALLY amazing and intense dream about prince and i
thought it was a good dream. but in the end it turned into the worst nightmare
and i was wondering what on earth THAT meant. and now i know EXACTLY what
it meant! it was referring to THIS...this rabbi!
i had a dream that i finally got to hang out with prince, and he was being
so nice to me and we were driving around in his limo talking about everything.
and we seemed so alike, and we got along so well. we talked with ease and
i was so comfortable and finally felt i had a guy i could hang out with and
discuss cool stuff with that GOT what i was saying!
and i was wearing this dress with no underwear but i felt totally safe with
him and he did not make an sexual advances at me. and we had a great time
sharing music, i showed him my favourite music and he showed me his favourite
music and it was probbaly one of the best dreams i have ever had in years
and years....but then at the very end of the dream, after our really wonderful
time together and everything coudn't have been MORE perfect...he had the limo
driver drive to a remote location where i was thrown into a pit that was 20
feet deep and i was given a black umbrella.
and then prince started shovelling dirt into the hole.
and i was like WHA??? why are you burying me alive??
and he just could not
explain it to me. it was just something he had to do.. like a complusion.
it had nothing to do with me. and we DID have a really genuinely good time
together. and he really DID like me. but now he HAD to bury me alive. it was
just "what he did"
and in that moment (this is hard to describe) i was saw all my parallel lives
in a circle, i was just one of the lives within this circle with almost identical
"me"s having lives almost exactly like mine...but at that same moment
as i was being buried alive, something terrible was also happening to each
of the other "me's. like in one life my son had just been shot and in
another life i was jumping off a cliff in sorrow, and in another life..i can't
even remember nw, but i whirled through the hearts of ALL of the "me"'s
and i felt ALL their sorrow and frustration at that gut level when you are
sobbing so much that you think you might vomit out your very heart?
like that.
like you are SO CONFUSED and you feel there is no hope.
and you just lay on the ground and cry and wish to die.
and i thought SO HARD
that if i could just change my sorrow as i was being buried alive to something
more happy, that i could "reverse" or "change" not only
my life now but the lives of all the other "me"s and i concentrated
SO hard to change reality..but i did not have enough strength or focus to
do it and so we all remained in utter sorrow.
arrrrrrgh.
so that dream was a foreshadowing of me waking up to read all of this about
this guy.
wow. it's weird how dreams are like that sometimes.
i am going to take what you said and all these other women said and with my
dream, and take this as a great warning."
here is thingie's dream:
"Oh yeah, and my dream today. Very strange. I dreamt that I went back to Syracuse with my sister, Prince, Wendy and Lisa, and ana.
I still had an old place, and had those keys on my keychain, but it had been so long since I had used them that I couldn't remember which ones they were. The place was only one room in a wood shack, (literally one ROOM. No kitchen, no bathroom) and Prince was really depressed, because he didn't have a piano to play on to compose new music. He had an old beat up toy piano like schroeder did in peanuts, but it didn't work. I then remembered that I had developed a repor with the local Episcopalian church because I used to volunteer for them by making snow sculptures of dinosaurs and other animals in their yard (not IRL, obviously), and I had keys to the church and unlimited access. So I said, "how would you like it if I could get you access on their giant church pipe organ?" And he thought that was awesome. So my sister, Lisa, Wendy, Ana and I all went down to the church. (At which point I once again had to fumble for keys to let myself into the yard, because it was gated, and I had a hard time remembering which keys were the right ones. I had all of these old keys and I couldn't remember what any of them were for.)The church had this awesome weird swing that was more like an amusement park ride, because you had to belt yourself in and you could spin around and go really high and fast and there weren't any bars or swingstand supporting it. It was supported from the bottom, like with a spring or something. Well, when we went back to the church, they now had two more of those out in their yard. In addition, they still had their old well, with sinkholes around it that were dangerous because you could fall down them. The well led to caves with a whole nightlife, with bars and strip clubs and all sorts of trendy shit where all of the college kids hung out. Yes, you could go to bars and stripclubs in a church's yard. It was a very progressive congregation. See why I loved to volunteer for them? So Ana went down the well and Lisa, my sister and I belted ourselves into one of the swings and spun around. After that we went into the church while services were ending, and I was waiting to speak to the minister about letting Prince practice on the church's organ. At some point I went down the well to hang out and to find ana. She was walking around in amazement and excitedly said something like "Wow, there is some really seamy and filthy stuff down here!" I remember one thing was that there was this large wall made of some sort of plastic, and if you took these implements that were like air hockey mallets and rubbed on the windows, it would reveal naked playboy bunnies behind them.
Then we all had to go, because my sister was complaining and whining that she wanted to leave, and I complained that there was no reason for us to have to go just because she was whining about it, and I whined myself that the favor always went to her than to me. (My sister, BTW, is not whiny in real life, though, and she never got preferable treatment or anything.) It was then that I decided that since I was in Syracuse, I should go back to school to get my master's at my alma mater. Lisa and Wendy thought that was a really good idea.
The only other part of the dream I remember was that I was at a store that sold school supplies and stuff, and I was looking for one of those old blue composition books that you used to take school exams on, except in the dream they were orange and 8.5X11 size instead of the small size like they are in real life. I think Prince needed it, or something. The two women who ran the store were singing a Cibo Matto song and I started singing along with them. I don't think it was a real Cibo Matto song, though, I think it was just one my dream made up.
One of the weird things is that it was one of those dreams where I have a memory of a previous part of my life, (such as making snow sculptures for the church) and it's a vivid memory, but it's a dream memory. So I always wonder if I dreamt about me doing those things and living in Syracuse the first time around earlier in the night and then had memories of them later during my sleep cycle, or if I just had those memories, and never did those things initially in my dreams at all.
Another interesting thing is that ana, in real life, has met both Prince and Wendy.
EDIT: Wow, talk about weird. I just found out a few minutes ago that ana also had a dream about Prince today. We both have Prince on the brain."
is that weird or WHAT?
i'm SURE that thingie having this
dream and writing about it and telling me about it is to make sure i am DOUBLY
sure i make the connection that this rabbi guy (the church) has a hidden well
of sexual secrets in his "backyard"
because in my dream the hole prince (a guy i trusted) through me in this very
long hole that was EXACTLY the shape and depth of a WELL.
i remember before i was in the limo with prince i was at paisley park in his
recording studio...and i met this super huge giant fat asian man named "YING"
who was a keyboardist and had many moog synthesizers and he reminded me SO
much of richard sharah.
i just hugged him and gave him a huge kiss (not a sexual kiss, a friendly
kiss), he was like a big asian yeti so full of love.
anyway...this is way more than a sheer coincidence to me!
2 dreams with me and prince and a well!
and i thank the universe for these
messages so i can stay the fuck away from that rabbi!
freak me out the door!
11:27pm
today has been an upsetting day.
1st the news about the cancer, and then i took a nap.
i fell asleep and had a fantastic dream that prince and i were great friends
and then at the end of the dream he buried me alive.
i was really confused by the meaning of this dream until i walked over to
my computer, still in a haze from my nap, and had 2 links in my email that
revealed some startling and extremely disturbing discoveries about a rabbi
i met on LJ who was teaching me a bit about kabbalah.
he is a very smart man, a really wonderful artist, too.
truly talented!
he seemed kind and laid back and i was thrilled to have an actual rabbi discuss
the kabbalah with me.
it was a great opportunity.
then a few red flags went up when he said in his journal that he felt like
"a monster".
"what kind of monster?" i asked (since i don't take people making
statements that they are monsters lightly).
and he replied he was a "hannibal lector" type monster.
now i thought that was a frightening and ODD choice
of monster to depict oneself as. and it is a very SPECIFIC type of monster,
and it ain't no COOKIE monster, to be sure.
snippet of something he wrote in
his guise of "moonish":
"By the way, a sub informed me lately that I bear a strong resemblance
to Hannibal Lechter. I didn't know whether to be flattered or insulted at
the time. She meant it as a confession she found me a little frightening,
but I decided to take it as a compliment anyway. There's no such thing as
too much power. It's like bad publicity, right? The bit I wanted to share
reads like this:
"Admit your need, in that deepest part of you where the slave speaks to herself, your need to be beaten with a whipping cane 'til you bleed, your need to be whipped on the back and shoulders 'til you cry, your need to be pinched and stabbed and slapped and beaten 'til you scream. Admit the need to have me pull you by the hair 'til you fear it coming out of your head and your need to have me hang you by the neck with the tips of your toes touching the floor, that I need just to begin from there to do the things I need to do with you. And nothing else, nothing less, nothing will do but what I do to you. That's your admission. Now, admit it again...."
moonish IS him. he has deleted that journal but i alredy have connected the
dots because in his new journal someone called him "moonish", not
to mention the other obvious connections like the photo and the email and
the phone number and the writings styles that are the same and both rabbis
into S&M at the same time all connected?
coincidence? i think not.
WHY would he tell me that he thinks of himself as "hannibal lector"?
and pretend to feel BAD about it, when here he is quite pleased to be seen
that way!
i replied to him (before i had even seen these links!
"so you have a LOT of rage (understatement).
and you wish you could act on your rage without any kind of remorse and really
relish in it? maybe even turn it into an artform all it's own?
like then you'd finally be free to just "let it all out" and give
in to "it" and that would maybe be a relief to you?"
FUNNY how he had nothing to say to
that!
i guess i had him pegged right there!
ta da! how right on was i?
i also asked him if his parents were narcissists, which they obviously were.
and then the whole mysogyny of hasidic culture, it was just a brew that had
no good end to it.
a poison soup in the making.
but he is like 50 years old now so he has NO excuse!
grow the fuck up, child!
don't whine to me about how your daddy told you that you would never amount
to anything and now that's why you wish you could fuck decaptitated heads
and why you prey on women who have been abused and then abuse them further
you FUCKFACE LYING COWARD.
and then he told me that his x wife had accused him of raping him "by
hypnosis".
i thought hmmm! what an ODD thing to reveal to me. a person i barely know.
and wtf is up with THAT? that doesn't even make SENSE!
and another little alarm bell went off in me and i decided to just keep this
man at a distance and talk to him only about kabbalah or his paintings.
that was all going along just fine.
he seemed like such an enjoyable person. he even likes douglas adams.
plus he was teaching me about "shechinah"
and the "aleph beit"
but now i know more about shechinah
in my little GOYIM finger than he will ever know in his many decades
of hasidic (Chassidische)jewish life.
the links:
http://www.lukeford.net/profiles/profiles/JHershyWorch.htm
http://www.theawarenesscenter.org/Worch_Hershy.html
now i'm well aware that character
assasination on the net is a very real thing and things can get blown out
of proportion and there are 2 sides to every story and blah blah blah.
but if you follow the links and see his stories he has written about beating
the shit out of women after he has "mind controlled" them and really
things that go far beyond that....
then...well...it makes sense to me now why he told me he was a monster of
the hannibal lector type and that his x wife accused him of raping her via
"hypnosis".
it gets curiouser and curiouser the more you read.
and the writing styles are the same and he has his picture along with those
stories that much his photos of him elsewhere..and well, it's easy to see
this man writing the stories IS the rabbi.
the guy has left a trail a mile long, as much as he has deleted.
and it doesn't take a genuis to figure this out.
as i noted and several other people, it's like he WANTS to get caught.
i think that is part of the thrill of it for him.
now he did not happen upon me and
prey on me..i happened upon HIM because of his kabbalah community and so i
met him that way and he seemed very nice.
but i can see now where he was feeling me out for potential victim. who knows?
but my alarm bells were already going off so he would have never gotten near
to me.
still...i'm glad to see those links so now i really really know.
the really sad thing is he just recently
married a woman who has been abused all her life by her father.
so she is a ripe candidate for his sadistic behaviour.
and reading her journal all day and putting all the pieces together...i can
see how he is grooming her to be his "slave" (she even calls him
master and he tells her she is his property).
this woman is from the islamic world and still lives there, she has no self
esteem and she thinks to be beaten is normal because it's all she knows. she
has come to even want it, as a lot of people have been abused do.
i don't know if she has ANY idea about this shit this guy has done and is
doing.
it's freaking me the fuck out.
and i want to do something but i feel absolutely helpless.
it is SO FUCKED UP.
i have just been reading his journal and her journal all day long and every
link i can find and just trying to piece this all together to figure out oif
there is anything i can do or if i need to just walk away from this and wash
my hands of it.
but it just makes me SICK!
is this how it continues? that people just walk away and "mind their
own business"?
do i want or need to get some sociopath hannibal lector hassidic rabbi pissed
at me?
or do i slowly just back away like you would if you run into a wild animal
in the forest?
and do i leave this woman just....to be COMPLETELY FUCT by this guy?
it's not like i can drive over there and rescue her or that she would even
believe me anyway.
she lives in turkey at the moment.
just FUCK.
this is a REALLY SHITTY SITUATION.
and i am REALLY DISAPOINTED and CREEPED
OUT TIMES INFINITY by people.
the world is just CRAWLING with sick perverts everywhere.
i swear to god i feel like i want to shower for a fucking WEEK.
this is the kind fo stuff he writes and this is actually one of the more tame ones:
"From: "just
Sir will do.."
Date: 03 May 2004
Subject: I'm still not used to the idea that...
...one may go straight from Shabbes Havdala to a BDSM party; to tell my bitch to take her clothes off in a gathering of nearly a hundred people; and then thrash her soundly, and do the same to another one who just happened to need it too, you know, just for the sake of the mitzvah...
It's too much, isn't it?
Oh, but what a thrill. To feel her body juddering and shuddering in the aftershocks of her screams and seizure-like spasm of pain/pleasure. It's such a power rush to the heart and genitals, can you blame me for loving it?
We Jews who take pleasure in pain, in our own and that of others, know the taste of paganism, for its power is akin to worship, the seductive allure to that of the most unholy dread. At that moment my slave bows to worship me, to prostrate herself abject in pleasure and terror, I am acting god. It's heady wine we drink who get high on the fizz of sexandpain, of pleasureandshame. When I humiliate a grown woman in public and see her writhe in unfettered slavery, when the blood crackles like a bushfire with the heat and accelereant of lustpower, when I thrill huge with the force of all her surrenders not so long a jump to proclaiming myself a deity, to her, to me.
And the Shabbes queen abandoned with the havdala candle and the incense box and the half drunk grape juice.
And on Sunday morning, the deep satisfaction hearing her wince as she sits on the toilet seat. Those weals from where I hit her with the wooden spoon, she'll be feeling those a few days yet... "
now i understand BDSM, don't get
me wrong.
i even had a boyfriend who tried to get me to be his "slave" and
we had a "safe word" and all that. i tried t "get into"
how his leaving bruises on my body was some sort of "seal/reminder of
approval and love" (sorry, that didn't work.)
he even peed on me once and all i could do is laugh because it was so fucking
ridiculously childish to me.
and i let him try to give me an enema and i'll NEVER let THAT happen again,
i'll tell you that! NOTHING will shut me down and make me slam the door harder
on your face then that! fucking NASTY!
how anyone could find that a turn on i have NO idea.
but if that's your thing, then hey, have at it.
i'll stick with hitachi magic wand.
i've tried the whole pain is pleasure thing. i have delved into it and lived
it to understand it from the inside out.
read all the books i could on it.
i found the dog tag he gave me that said i was his property the other day
and i threw it away. good riddance!
i'm way too much of a dom to deal with being anyone's dog.
i find it annoying as all hell to be "punished".
punished for WHAT? it's so archaic.
i understand that pain can be a way to get in touch with the spiritual.
and delving into that a bit DID help me "reclaim" my body, in a
weird way from the abuse inflicted on me from a prior boyfriend.
but then it just started feeling like abuse, too, which is why i am no longer
with that boyfriend (eesh.)
and the monks and nuns have been whipping themselves for thousands of years.
BDSM and religion go hand in hand in almost all cultures.
god is the ULTIMATE "dom" really, isn't "he"?
but it's one thing to be a lakota doing the sundance, or a monk fasting and
wearing thorns. to use pain in a safe way as a gateway to the spiritual. a
surrendering of sorts.
or some SAFE and CONSENSUAL bdsm between CARING and RESPECTFUL partners.
it's another thing ENTIRELY what this guy is doing.
this guy is a FULL FLEDGED SADIST, as in RAPIST and nonconsensual horrible
mind controlling manipulative sicko perverted hannibal lecter i want to cut
your head off and fuck the bloody decapitated head kind of guy.
and THAT is not BDSM that is going into the realms of serial killers and psychotic
sociopaths.
and it's AWFUL because this guy is smart and he seems so NICE and his has
this "authority", which he USES for selfish horrible means!
as he writes:
"Chapt.Schleck aka J. Hershy Worch writes to his OBDSM (Orthodox Jewish Bondage-Discipline-Sado-Masochism) list in May of 2002:
"Confusing is my own behavior, my desire versus my need, my role as spiritual guide versus role playing in power exchange games.
As you must know, as everyone knows, when you bring desire for power, control and the need-to-be-seen into your work space you can cause cosmic damage and irreparable harm to people, people who trust you to heal and not hurt them.
I have been forced to let go of the Rabbi role to give me space to explore the Dominant Sadist. I've swapped careers to avoid those spiritual guide dichotomies and avoid harming patients, flock, congregation or clients.
My soul is wounded and alarmed and in shock, where did the Rabbi go? My soul is screaming, Hey I never signed on for the trip with a sex fiend a kinkster a pervert. A man who can take pleasure in causing pain, humiliation and slavery.
Confusing."
ya. fabulous.
and he denies this is him even tho the evidence is RIGHT there,
his photos, his phone #, his writing style, both mentioning they are rabbis
into BDSM.
MANY women coming forth and saying they have been abused by this man.
just the lost of evidence goes on and on.
i'm so SICKENED by this.
i'm so DISAPPOINTED in the EXTREME by this.
just another fucked up guy, fucking up women and getting away with it!
another wolf in diguise pretending to be oh so "sensitive".
and "and hey all all for women learning the kaballah, and ya "shekinah!"
"yay feminism".
shekinah up your ASS buddy with a lightning bolt from "hashem"
i'll fucking show you Shechinah!
may kali dance on your bones and medusa turn you to stone!
DWELL on THAT brother EARTHLING.
11:44am
well, i'm not the #2 babe of xmas
so i guess that means i'm the #1 babe :)
w00t :)
here's a sneak peek at what will be in robont's
journal tomorrow:
i'm so curious as to what
people will say!
and i'm even more curious to see what "anapix" will be made from
my photos! THAT is what i really look forward to! :)
|
|
|
---
in sadder news (way way
way), i found out that my friend who has prostate cancer has it pretty bad,
according to the doctors :(
like on a scale of 1 to 10, he has it at a 9 :(
so...i'm really sad and worried about that.
i don't even know what to say. what can you say?
i hope things will turn out alright.
---
it's still snowing out.
i think i'll go back to bed now for a bit.
i only got a few hours of sleep.
i woke up to pee around 8am and then found out about the cancer then couldn't
go back to bed because that was very upsetting. but now i think i could sleep
for just a few more hours.
---
and here are some quotes by douglas adams:
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
The impossible often has a kind of integrity which the merely improbable lacks.
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
I don't believe it. Prove it to me and I still won't believe it.
If somebody thinks they're a hedgehog, presumably you just give 'em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves.
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
--Douglas Adams
+++
Your Horoscope for December 15 , 2005
Get busy running around and picking up things that you have on your list. You can feel confident that you have just about everything in order. Pick up a little something for someone who has helped you out in the past.
and
One word leads to another
There could well be a very painful argument if you react in an unconsidered
manner at this time. Without warning one word leads to another until you suddenly
show yourself to be hard and hostile in order to cover up one of your own
weaknesses. In this way you can hurt your partner, a friend, or someone else
to whom you are close, so that you greatly reproach yourself afterwards. That
is why it is important at this time to be careful during all interactions
with people who are close to you. If you remain aware of your feelings and
reactions during all personal contacts, you will certainly recognize the situation
described above - before it occurs.
and
Indulging yourself isn't necessarily a bad thing, as long as you don't overdo it. But moderation may elude you now, unless you keep your awareness focused. You feel compelled to express the intensity and immediacy of the moment. Before taking action, look at your feelings from the viewpoint of a few days ahead. This will help you gain a healthier perspective on the situation.