december 4th , 2005
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11:52pm

it was perfect timing to watch a show on the mandelbrot set tonight since it's just fitting with everything i'm thinking out. i even, for the 1st time ever, became a member of PBS at the $48 level. i get a free kaliedoscope.
i figure after watching PBS for all these years of my life and all the joy they have given me, i should give something back.

even tho i loved this show, i had to laugh at the scientists who are just discovering this now.
i mean, i know THEY came up with an equation for it...but anyone whose ever done acid could just be like "no shit sherlock, fractals make up EVERYTHING".
but finally because they had made an equation for it they were able to SEE it EVERYWHERE, in nature....in everything!
i guess we just come up it from opposite sides. i see it and "know" it 1st but cannot explain it.
they explain it first and THEN they can see it and notice it.
it's funny.

but i still have to smack my head when i even see hawking say in the show that perhaps the universe DOES have "a bottom" and that things do not go infinitely small.
i cannot understand how someone could think that limited. and he is supposed to be mr. unlimited thinking.
at least the the scientific community he is.

scientists, i LOVE them but they drive me NUTS.
i think they should all just drop acid and get a clue.

i'm glad that the more scientist and mathematicians go "into" it the more they see "god"...the thing which has no name ....and they see the interconnectedness of all things and the infinity beauty and that chaos and form are one and everything and nothingness are one. and things can be both predetermined and not.
it's both. that is the miracle and mystery of it.

it was also sad that at the end of the programme they were trying to justify working on fractals.
they turned it into "well, what practical use is it? how can we make money from it?"
*head desk*
and thry were showing how it can be applied to making higher resolution photos for government sattelites to spy and how how we can now turn one broadcast station into 10.
fabulous.

ok...well, i know that them thinking that is just part of the fractal....so let them fractal on.

i'll fractal in my way. and that's what is nice about it.

9:57pm

it's 10 degrees.
the annoying movie about the pope is on.
i can't get rid of my headache, it's a bummer.
i wish i could find more pix like the icon in the middle up there.
weird dykey vintage photos like that. i love androgyny.

i have to remember to pay my rent tomorrow.

oh, kick ass! a thing on the Mandelbrot Set is coming up on PBS.
now we're talkin' :)

i took a bath and it's so nice to have my hair clean.

4:43pm

oh it's the hanso foundation in Lost. like hamsa. duh!
still it fits hamsa root word is "han"
and hamsa is swan man...but the root word "han" means to kiillor destroy.
just odd! i'm getting more and more to this whole swan man thing....

http://www.swami-virajeshwara.com/that.htm

now i just have to figure out the "so" part.

"Han(han) the root from which Hamsa is derived, means to kill or destroy. The word Hamsa also means He who destroys the individuality and thereby the suffering of the individual and make him merge with the universal. Such an individual overcomes or escapes the cycle of birth and death. "

which fits in with Lost whole "life extension" part of the plan of the hanso foundation.

which brings me RIGHT back to exact same url when i was trying to figure out why HH meant resurrection (to no avail)

http://www.theosophy-nw.org/theosnw/ctg/h-hh.htm

"TG Hamsa or Hansa (Sk.). "Swan or goose", according to the Orientalists; a mystical bird in Occultism analogous to the Rosicrucian Pelican. The sacred mystic name which, when preceded by that of KALA (infinite time), i.e. Kalahansa, is a name of Parabrahm; meaning the "Bird out of space and time". Hence Brahma (male) is called Hansa Vahana "the Vehicle of Hansa" (the BIRD). We find the same idea in the Zohar, where Ain Suph (the endless and infinite) is said to descend into the universe, for purposes of manifestation, using Adam Kadmon (Humanity) as a chariot or vehicle.

WG Hamsa, (also Hansa), a mythical bird, corresponding some what to the swan, and which is the vehicle of Brahma; it symbolises spiritual wisdom. (Probably derived from aham, I, and sa, that: "I am that," i.e., the Supreme Spirit, -- sa being a form of tad or tat. It may also be derived from han, "to go," and would then mean "who goes eternally." See also So'Ham.)

TG Hamsa (Arab.). The founder of the mystic sect of the Druzes of Mount Lebanon. (See "Druzes".)

SD INDEX Hamsa, Hansa (Skt). See also Kalahansa

bird of wisdom II 293
interpretation of I 78-81
Man-Swan, of later third race II 131
mountain range north of Meru I 79
one caste [Dowson] I 79
Swan of Life I 549
term for Brahma I 20 "

so now to look up "So'Ham"

http://www.theosophy-nw.org/theosnw/ctg/sk-so.htm

"TG Soham (Sk.). A mystic syllable representing involution: lit., "THAT I AM".

FY Soham, a mystic syllable representing involution; (lit. "that am I.")

WG So'Ham, the reverse of Hamsa, symbolizing black magic. (sas, that; aham, I: I that very person, I myself -- expressive of bad egoism -- while Hamsa (aham, I; sas, that: I am That) is an affirmation of divine unity.)

SD INDEX Soham (Skt), "he (is) I" I 78; II 465. See also A-hamsa, Hamsa-vahana, Kalahansa"

nope still cannot find out what the so is....

maybe the SOul?

so-L.

"so
O.E. swa, swæ "in this way," from P.Gmc. *swa (cf. O.S., M.Du., O.H.G. so, O.N. sva, Dan. saa, Swed. sa, O.Fris. sa, Du. zo, Ger. so "so," Goth. swa "as"), from PIE reflexive pronomial stem *s(w)o- (cf. Gk. hos "as," O.Latin suad "so," L. se "himself"). "

http://www.boloji.com/perspective/095.htm

Swara, can be spilt into Swa meaning self and Ra meaning to light or bring forth

"Swa", meaning "We"?

swami
swan
swastika
swahili

Swa is meaning monkey in Khmer.
Ton is meaning holding-on to in Khmer.

etymolgy of stikas?
sti kas

kaz
oz
ka

ka=song
ka=square
ka= spirit

qa
Q.A.
ha!

http://www.experiencefestival.com/a/QAABA/id/193119

meaning of Qa’im: “ he returns (to life) after his death.

http://www.ansar.org/english/mahditheory.htm

meaning of qa'im is 'to rise after death

http://al-islam.org/mahdi/nontl/Chap-2.htm

IM

Im (First Name Origin and Meaning)
Origin Norse
Meaning A mythical giant.
Gender Male

Ch.21, v. 30: "IM kofer yushas olov" - Rashi near the end of parshas Yisro (20:22) brings a Mechilta in the name of Rabbi Yishmoel, that "IM" always means "IF, R'SHUS," except for the following three places, which are all requirements: 1) IM mizbach avonim ta'a'seh li (20:22) 2) IM kesef talveh es ami (22:24) 3) IM takriv minchas bikurim (Vayikro 2:14). In these three places, IM means "when you will do," a requirement. Rashi on our verse says that this "IM" is not "IF, TOLUY," dependant upon one's choice, but rather a must, as "Im kesef talveh." This Rashi seems to contradict the Mechilta he himself quoted in 20:22 and 22:24, that there are only three places that "IM" means "as you will do."

http://www.shemayisrael.co.il/parsha/fleisher/archives/mishpatim59.htm

http://www.theosophy-nw.org/theosnw/ctg/i-im.htm

4:06pm

took a nap.
i feel low energy today. a bit of a headache. i can feel my period slowly wanting to come on.
i feel a little rundown.
my dreams were intense while i was napping, i can't remember it all except that garrison keillor died because his brother murdered him. and i dreamed that 2 pairs of myself were killed by the music industry. and that internet connection was getting faster and faster and they almost had it so that people could watch tv at any time on anything. radio, tv, images, everything was moving faster and faster to the point that no one could remember i time it wasn't that way.

i need to put some happy music on.
create a happy vibe.
clean my house. make my environment more clear and bright.
put some clean sheets on the bed.
i've been in my head too much and not in my body and house.
i must return to earth.

i wish i had some fresh fruit. i really need that.
i need some fresh fruit or veggies.

maybe i'll go to the store and get some fruit juice, even tho that is hardly fresh fruit.

i would like a big fresh fruit salad.
and i need a refreshing bath.

and i'm going to take another excedrin for my headache.

here is a VERY BENDY girl!

http://www.zippyvideos.com/5398152342514706/flexy/

11:46am

today is sunny and cold. not snowing but snow on the ground.
jason woke me up at 10am to see if i wanted to go food shopping but i was too tired but then i could not get back to sleep so i'm up, but i feel like falling back to sleep again now.
i had long dreams but i don't remember them right now.
i wish i would get my period. it's due any day.
i thought i had gained a ton of weight because i think i've been eating a lot due to pms and winter, but i only gained 1/2 a pound, go figure. i thought i had gained 5 pounds.
still i feel bloated from PMS.
everyday day i say i will stop researching things on the net and get to work on other things. but every day i just have to go google one more thing which leads me on a wild goose chace which leads me on 5 million wild goose chases. i think i should stop now because my head is so full of facts and i need to turn back to my LIFE.
learning about the entire world is not going to do me much good if i do not have my house and body in order.
those must come 1st.
i woke up this morning with the beginnings of a song in my head.
i want to go start making it right now btu at the same time i want to crawl back into bed even tho the sun is streaming through my window.
i am contemplating either sleeping more or drinking coffee.
i found out yesterday that carl jung ws into hermeticism , too, and his dad was a member of some huge masonic lodge.
john foxx added me to his myspace friends list today, i sure wish it was the real john foxx, that would rule. i got all excited at 1st that it might be because a lot of real musicians have my space accounts, but i could tell from the layout and what was written it was just a fan of john foxx making it.

the things i learned yesterday was a lot about the fleur de lis.
which appears everywhere in ancient culture and now as far back as you can go. from what i gather it seems to represent the opposite of the "holy spirit" (or fire/soul) dove coming down. the fleur de lis is the spirit going up and the holy spirit dove is the spirit coming down.
and how this all related to winged disks which appear everywhere i'm certain is connected.

then i made the connection that the lateral ventricles in the brain are a symbolism of one or the other or both as i ws looking up swan and hamsa. and hamsa means man-swan (which i still can't figure out, exaxtly). the lateral ventricles of the brain represent a swan in flight and have something to do with hamsa yoga.
i haven't found out the function of the ventricles.
but i think this shape in the brain has something to do with the fluer de lis (and the swan...which has been said).

here is the pope hat which seems (to me) to represent the middle of the fleur de lis (the body of the dove) and the 2 halves of the brain

more pictures:

http://www.ana2.com/private/today/31

 

also the fleur de lis is the opposite of the heart.
fleur de lis is are the 2 polar magnetic opposites this way:
)( to let the spirit out (unjoining).


and the heart is this way () to keep the spirit in (joining).

also check this out:

http://www.world-mysteries.com/coralcastle.htm

 

also the fleur de lis is also found in the crowns of kings and queens but is ALSO the hat of the court jester!
so again we have the king/klown thing.

the fleur de lis (or lys) means the flower of light.
lis comes from luce or lux meaning light. (or perhaps life?)
luce is also a connection to lucifer who the "the bringer of light"
(hmmm!)
and lucy is the name of the biggest diamond that we know of just discovered. a white dwarf named BPM 37093 or lucy (in the sky with diamonds).
it is also giving off light and pulsating with sound that resonates like a gong.
37093= 22. which is the number of a circle, also the fool in the tarot. which brings as back to the jester and the flower of light.

here is a crop circle from 2004 showing (to me) a combined version of both the fleur de lis/winged disc (ascention/extraction) and the holy spirit (decension-spirit moving into) and becoming one in harmony:

and then i am into this image, too, because the dots are ten and in the same traingular shape as i made the coins the other day for the symbol of my movie:

 

Horoscope for Aries (December 4 2005)

Take a position that will put you in the driver's seat. Use your energy wisely and begin making some of the changes you've been planning to do to your home. Leave time to socialize.

and

Taking the first step
The positive side of this influence is that you will feel quite loving and affectionate to almost everyone around you. Or you may feel like doing creative work, perhaps arts or crafts. The negative side is that you may be inclined to seek self- gratification in excess, that is, in a total undisciplined manner, or you may seek it at the expense of a loved one. The problem is that you probably won't feel like doing anything that requires much effort today, so perhaps you should wait until you are in a more active mood. Avoid spending money to gratify foolish whims or monetary desires. You may have regrets in more sober moments. Be careful also of a tendency toward passivity, sitting around and waiting for something to happen or for someone else to take the first step.

and

Social activities are at the center of your world now and it looks like you'll have a good time. But there is a catch; your key planet, Mars, might be burning too hot. You are ready for almost anything that increases your emotional involvement. Make sure that you understand what you're getting yourself into before you are too far along to say no.

and

Sunday the tethers of Capricorn give way to Aquarius, now the mind again sees many ways around every obstacle, almost to many. Mercury and Venus are in a tight aspect and so you can pick up on that constant conversation internally of what are your values and morals, how do you want to represent them to yourself and the outside world? The evening is supercharged with Mars and Jupiter in opposition. The two most expansive aspects pulling on each other. Use this vigorous energy and somehow get it in the body, dancing, hiking, some movement that lets you feel the replenished force within yourself. Tapping into that is the ultimate resource, strip off the re- and you have SOURCE. Knowing where it comes from and where you can get it is truly the resource rather then the thing itself. No matter pleasure or pain, loss or gain, we play it all out with this energy that we draw into ourselves.