december 2nd , 2005
past anagrams	menu	utb

7:41pm:

the spine and the sun
the snake and the one
the coil in the egg
the hole and the peg

the king and the klown
the dirt and the crown
the given and got
the line and the dot

the queen and the grin
the sum and the sin
the oil and the grail
the breath and the sail

the shell and the core
the want and the more
the truth and the book
the sooth and the crook

the dog and the good
the gimmel and yod
the space and the place
the won and the race

the fixed and the broken
the things left unspoken
the wheel and the cart
the needle and dart

the kind and the cruel
the cake and the gruel
the soup and the spoon
the late and the soon

the crust and the pi
the hand and the fly
the door and the gate
the fig and the date

the watch and the seem
the hidden and dream
the nun and the lock
the whore and the clock

the string and the stick
the fork and the trick
the head and the tongue
the word and the lung

the orb and the key
the pod and the pea
the nut and the mom
the burst and the bomb

the cock and the cunt
and who feels the brunt
the pain and the stain
the scar and the gain

the said and the done
the thought and the gun
the ripple and roar
the game and the score

the earth and the grid
the eye and the lid
the ka and the ba
the rule and the la

the prayer and the deed
the rose and the weed
the cross and the kiss
the mark and the miss

the wish and the well
the hope and the spell
unite in our heart
untie in our part

5:55pm

ka-ba-la and mer-ka-ba

as i see it, ka-ba-la and mer-ka-ba and essence of every religion that is based in love and light is not to be kept jealously.
nor can it ever be taken away from you by fad's or media or anyone.
if you are "losing your religion" you never really had it to begin with.
meaning, your "religion" was based on a shell. go to the core.

the core is in all of us. it is everywhere and nowhere both at once.
it IS your body and your mind and your spirit. it is the earth and the sky.
it is the colours, the notes, the vibrations, the shapes, the geometry, the movements...

and we are all ONE with it. we ARE it.

research ka and ba. they are 2 parts of YOU.

la is a note and it is also a gamma and a gimmel, a G.
it is also the la of 1.

ka-ba-la is YOU expressed through sound and more

mer-ka-ba (mer means light or water) is YOU expressed in light and more

these cannot be taken away from you.
these can NEVER be descrated by anyone , even you.
because you ARE ka-ba-la and mer-ka-ba

it is everyone's EQUALLY.

everyone IS it equally.

it is your Spine and it is the Sun.

so if you are mad at a celebrity "you do not see fit" for wearing a red string.
don't be.
or if you are mad at anyone you "don't see fit" to learn of the knowledge that IS and IS IN us all and in everything.
whatever this knowledge is and how it expresses itself in it's many forms and ways through time and space...

ka-ba-la and mer-ka-ba go beyond space/time.

if you deny others you deny only YOURSELF. because you ARE it. everyone is. everyone has a right to this knowledge because everyone IS this knowledge.

*just added, (thanks ladder7 for pointing me to this quote:)
"whenever you deny a blessing to another you will feel deprived, because denial is as total as love"

it can never be given to you nor taken away,
you can neither give it nor receive it because it is always now/here.
it can only be acKNOWledged.
it does not BElong to you. you BElong to it.
as you acknowledge, you acknowledge yourself.
as you acknowledge others you acknowledge yourself.

5:38pm

sin and compassion

this just popped into my mind *zip*:

sin is:

"to not see the divine in others and self"

keyword: compassion

+++

i was really struck by this paragraph the other day:

"The perfection that I was able to empathically experience at that moment is almost impossible to imagine, let alone describe. Absolute compassion-even at the moment of His death, unconditional love, total absence of judgment, humility, and an overwhelming gentleness, all welled forth from Him like sweet water from a beautiful spring in that desolate place. I fully understood, for the first time, that the key to Christ's boundless compassion for others was that He first had absolute compassion for Himself. "

from here:
http://www.kenpage.com/endoftime/eotchapter15.html

compassion for YOURSELF first.
that is the key.

+++

notes to self:

la
musical note (sixth note of the diatonic scale), c.1325, see gamut.

gamut
1530, originally, "lowest note in the medieval musical scale," in the system of notation devised by Guido d'Arezzo, contraction of M.L. gamma ut, from gamma, the Gk. letter, indicating a note below A + ut (later do), the low note on the six-note musical scale that took names from corresponding syllables in a L. hymn for St. John the Baptist's Day:

"Ut queant laxis resonare fibris
Mira gestorum famuli tuorum
Solve polluti labii reatum,"

etc. Gamut came to be used for "the whole musical scale" by 1529; the figurative sense of "entire scale or range" of anything is first recorded 1626.

http://www.utqueantlaxis.com/

3:55pm

las vegas and the luxor

absolutely fantastic writing about las vegas from one man's experience:

http://www.michaelchabon.com/archives/2005/03/the_casino_in_t.html

so spot on about the luxor!

the luxor taking on new meaning to me today.

i always say that it was at the luxor that was the turning point for me as an artist.
i headlined there at club RA (how fitting) on may 15th , 1998.

it was on that day my head was lopped off , my heart was stabbed, and my body was sacrificed to the great god of entertainment.
and that was the end of it for me, and it was one of the very few times i felt that i had LET myself be sacrificed and used like an unsacred whore. (i don't feel like going into the details right now)
hoping it was the last "hoop i would have to jump through" before they would just let me BE.

that was when it all ended for me, i felt the last ounce of betrayal. my disillusionment and confusion was at it's apex.
the one last tear tipped the scale.

and thus began my decent and ascent into heaven and hell, where i am now rising like a phoenix from, as an artist at a new level.

never will i let myself be used in that way again. all glittered and rhinestoned and nude....disgusting men in the audience licking their lips as if i were a lamb on a spit about to be served.

and RAchael means lamb. there, at the great dark mirrored (copy, reflection, illusion, opposite) pryamid in the desert, the artist in me was ritually sacrificed to the gods of entertainment and amusement.

strangely, also, on that very day, as i sat behind the air tight tinted glass in the tomb of the luxor, the lights were dimmed on the strip for 1 minute as a tribute to frank sinatra who had died the night before.

it didn't occur to me until just today that this turning point for me happened in a mirrored pryramid tomb in a place called club RA.

i can't think of a more fitting place for something like that to happen to me.

and i am grateful for it. because i am stonger now. and i know myself more now.
and things are more sacred to me now. i have more knowledge and awareness because of this.
i am better for it, even tho scarred.

thank you universe for this gift/lesson.

see club ra virtual tour to see just how surreal it is:
http://www.vegas.com/resorts/virtual/luxor4.html

i wish i could see it again now to take in all it's symbols.
i wish i could find more photos of it.
and a photo of the glass geometry light in the center of the ceiling

12:45pm

wow, i had so many realizations yesterday it was like zing zam zap!
i am still floating from it!
i even had some good aspects to dreams.
one was that oprah and i feel asleep together on a couch and she rested her head on my naked butt which made me feel odd because i just hoped that if anyone saw us they wouldn't think we were having sex...we were just taking a nap.

and then i was getting ready to go out and what i was wearing was not working and it just looked silly. and i said "does this make me look like a cloan whore?" and i said to myself " yes, it does.
so i decided to change because i just wasn't in that mood and we were going into a bad area of town.
all of a sudden there was roger ebert and the designer valentino critiquing my entire ensemble and valentino told me to turn around as if i were a show dog, and he remarked on my calves and everything. and i really let him have it and told him to never treat women like that again. that he did not have the right to treat anyone not as an equal.
and i made it very clear to him that i was very very equal to him and he was quite shocked, but i think he got it. but he certainly wasn't used to anyone standing up to him like that.

and i put on this really marvelous red felt hat and huffed out the door to go out.
but it felt just really empowering to say what i did in the dream to him.
i felt very strong. it was nice to wake up to that feeling today.
i feel energized from it.

today is sunny and only 13 degrees. brrr!

i am not the 11th babae of xmas either, as i went to robont's journal to see if he had put my picture up. i was kind fo hoping i would be 11 because that would fit in with my photos :)

i guess he will not do 12 babes of xmas on weekends. so we will have to see on monday who is the 10th babe of xmas.

i have so many things to get done i don't even know where to start.

i would really like to get to the post office today and at least mail SOME things off i have been meaning to mail forever.

and there is taxes. and there is cleaning to be done.
and there so much. this is going to be a very busy month for me.

+++

Horoscope for Aries (December 2 2005)

Concentrate on getting your own projects off the ground. Gather information pertinent to what you are trying to accomplish. Money and legal matters can be resolved if you put on a little pressure to get results.

and

Asserting your freedom
Weak, transient effect: This influence stimulates your drive for personal freedom, and if you feel free and unencumbered, you will probably behave quite irresponsibly in other people's eyes. The more you feel that people are trying to hold you back or make you toe the line, the more you will resist. The same applies to relationships. If your partner in a love relationship tries to be possessive or limit your freedom, you will resist. And a dispute could arise from your assertion of freedom. On a very different level, this influence can manifest itself as a feeling of spiritual disquiet, a mood in which you question your fundamental goals and aspirations. And, indeed this is a good time to look at your life in this way. What you learn will be very important to you.

and

Your responsibilities may prevent you from going out on the town tonight. Although you may have big plans for the weekend, they could take time to materialize. No matter how much of a hurry you are in, keep in mind that slowing down will create longer lasting enjoyment.

and

Friday it gets solid and at the worst cases a bit rigid. Though if we're floating new directions out there don't you want to know what the bumps in the road are? Most of the relief and jubilance of getting a project or event off of the ground is knowing what you had to go through to get it there. If things run smoothly you know someone somewhere was putting out the fires and solving the problems. So if your direction comes from your depths you do want to know the snafu before it's fatal. Greet these knots in your rope with that attitude and the mind can offer up quicker, more creative solutions. The more you feel; 'this sucks!' the more it does, if you let that sink into the subconscious it will surely become a reality. This is a day to really discover the alternatives in your most bleak arenas of your life.