november 13th, 2005
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7:13pm

i am soooo tired! it was a huge day!
i have so much to say but i will just have to summarize for now because i am exhausted.

got up at 8:30am went to breakfast/brunch for jason's mom's birthday.
i felt really ill all day but remained social despite it, i don't know how.
but it was good.
i'm super summarizing here because i am sleeeeeepppy.
at the end of the brunch jason's dad came over and sat by me really close and looked at me straight in my eyes and said "i have to tell you something" and it seemed pretty serious although he was sort of smiling and i couldn't imagine what it was he was going to say...
and then he put his hand on my knee and smiled and said "i can't wait until i can call you my daughter in law"
!!!
is that not the SWEETEST thing EVER???
that just makes my entire year.
i have never felt such acceptance. not from my family or from any group of people of anything whatsoever. i am always this outsider on the fringe.
and to have jason's dad say that to me so lovingly and with such conviction it truly almost made me cry right there.
and almost made jason's sister cry, too!

i am just like wow (to speak valleygirl speak).
i don't even understand it hardly because this never happens to me, i don't know how to digest it.
i was just being my freaky self with my freaky hair and my freaky hat and walking on the booth seats to get over people to get to jason's mom to get her to unwrap her presents in the way that she could fully take them in (like i gave her this blow up "stress bat" to whack things that stress her out, which is EVERYTHING.
and so i was whacking her over the head with it trying to get her to lighten up, and i finally did and she had a good laugh and that was good :)
and i gave her the assignment to make one silly sentence a day from her magnetic poetry calendar i also gave her.
she needs to play more. she is a principal of a high school, so she definitely needs to PLAY!
and here i was feeling all super sickly before i went there and not thinking it would be a good thing i was there and not thinking i would make a difference one way or the other way that i was there...and scared i might bring the energy level down because i was feeling so poorly.
and in the end jason's dad announces to me that he cannot wait until he can call me his daughter in law?
i am floored. i truly am!

that just never happens to me.

and then we got home and i had 1/2 an hour until MY dad arrived to take me to to the opera, Tosca.
and my dad was SUPER happy to see me! but he was all jacked up on coffee and had just come from doing his second to last sunday service where he did communion, also, and i think he baptized a few babies and did pretty much everything all in one service. so he was boinging around.
and i tried to tell him everything that is in my head about all the ways i have been thinking about jesus lately...like jesus on the cross as alchemy and what i thought of as the virgin birth was just men's fear of their own power to take responsibility in the act of creation (i am never really mellow to be around...if you haven't seen me in awhile and i have a lot to say). and he tried to take that in as much as possible, which was good.
at least he didn't think it was outright stupid.
then the opera was 3 hours long full of murder and betrayal and sadists and god and purists and artists and politics, and everyone dies in the end. and the sets were elaborate and impressive but the story , to me, was pretty jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water....and then they all killed each other off or committed suicide.
been there done that.
but glad to see such an amazing set and to be with my daddy poo.
and weird to think of how many times on earth this opera has probably been done throughout time.
although i did shed a tear in the part where Tosca sings to god about why is god deserting her in her hour of need when she has been and done nothing but good all her life.

and then in between scenes there would be a break and my dad and i would talk about many many things.
and then after the opera we went out to eat and talked about many more intense things.
like my brother dying and my mom and i asked my dad how his journey through his ministry has changed him, as he is retiring next week. and i will have to give a bigger answer to this later because now i am tired as heck and must stop typing.
but , in short, he said that his faith is broader now. and i said that if good because for a lot of people it gets narrower. but his reply was much more elaborate than that and i can't do it justice right now as my brain is fried.

and i have many many more things to say. it was a huge huge day full of "BIG LIFE THINGS" but it was all good.
i am so so so so tired now , tho.

and what better way to end my day than to crawl in bed and watch the made for tv movie "end of the world: category 7, part 2 of 2"?

yes, how hilariously fitting.

and with that i must go....

+++

Horoscope for Aries (November 13 2005)

Time is of the essence today. Your accuracy will astound everyone. Your willpower and determination will help you see matters through to the end. You can learn a valuable lesson by watching others.

and

Withdrawal
This influence greatly stimulates your awareness, often in ways that are difficult to understand rationally. You are more sensitive to other people, and you seem to know how they feel intuitively. At the same time, you are more concerned with their benefit and less with your own. However, the ego-denying quality that enables you to identify with and help others may also manifest itself as a feeling of psychological weariness and inability to cope with the world. You may want to flee the everyday universe and go off into some private world of your own. A relatively harmless manifestation of this is daydreaming, but it can also surface as a full-scale effort to evade reality. If you need to withdraw from with the real world, you would get the most benefit from going off by yourself to meditate or contemplate.

and

Misunderstandings can lead to friction with someone in authority, but your temper doesn't have to get the best of you. Make sure that you're clear on what your position is so that you won't be fighting simply because you think that you disagree. It may be that you just need to let off some steam. You'll be better off putting your energy into something practical like work or physical exercise.

and

Sunday well there is no getting around to one of the most known and least understood astrologica events: Mercury retrograde. Machines can become finicky and give even the most literally minded person the pause to reflect if mechanisms can gain consciousness'.

It's a little less than 3 weeks until Mercury heads direct. Now is the best time to pour over scripts, proposals, blueprints, contracts and look for the dangling strings, crossing the 't's, dotting the 'I's and making sure that they are in order to be used. Still some of us must have meetings, give presentations, do shows, close deals, book gigs, so plan for the unexpected as it's going to happen. Bring an extra guitar cord, batteries, copy of the graphs, and notes of the meeting ect.

You can never have the right tool that's been forgotten but applying some attention to possible snafus is going to give you a shot a reviewing the future and being fully in the present. A real reminder that no matter what, in the moment you go with what you got.