november 12th, 2005

9:53pm

today was a strange day. it was a good day.
it's weird that from the comfort of my bedroom i can grab files off strangers computers from 1/2 way across the world.
i was trying to get this david lynch thing about rabbits from a guy in chile but our connection was bad and i gave up.
i also ran into a very scary neonazi in germany who only collects pro-nazi songs, nazi marches, nazi bands, photos of hitler, photos of dead jews from the holocaust. just..folder after folder after folder of hate. it's so weird that i can look at his files and he doesn't know i am this queer girl with a black brother who dates a jew...and i'm right there in his computer. it's a freaky feeling.

then i ran into this satanist. i don't know why, but satanists always make me laugh because i just can't take them seriously because it's just so ridiculously absurd to worship satan.
i know that evil exists, don't get me wrong, i was just just looking through the files of a hardcore neonazi...and you better take that shit seriously...because well, look at the photos from the holocaust for reasons why.

i suppose i should either take nazi and satanists both seriously or i should laugh at both equally, because they are both equally ridiculous and immature.
but i find myself cringing more at the nazis and laughing more at the satanists.
but there really is no difference between the two.
they are both ignorant fools.

so i'm browsing the satanist's files...i can't even remember now what i was looking for that i even ended up looking at this guy's files...and it's just folder after folder of "shocking" band name after "shocking" band name. i can't even remember the names now.
something like bloodpuss cuntfuckers or something. you know just something ridiculous. and then the title of their record would be something in latin about a succubus.

the net is weird. i wonder if they looked at my files.
i wonder what they look like and what they are doing and thinking and how old they are and what will come of them and what brought them to that point.

going through someone's files feels almost like going through someone's brain. but i know it's not even remotely the same thing.
mabe the nazi did browse my files and secretly wished to download my funk, like some forbidden jungle fruit.

or if the satanist has a secret stash of stuffed animals somewhere and secretly pink is his favourite colour.

i lure them and tempt the lost souls with happy joyjoy music and hello kitty. i say...come...come to the light side. i will feed you music that will burst forth in your head like a pink grapefruit on a perfect summer. go ahead...download my bjork, my stereolab, my xtc, my kate bush...and even my supertramp "breakfast in america"..
go ahead take "lucky star" by madonna and missy elliot...you know you want to...come...come my little lambs....partake in the forbidden fruit of light :)
relaxxxxx, to brian eno's "music for films".
take off your burning crosses and slip into come pizzacato 5, or perhaps some frou frou....

then i came across a guy with the motherlode of new agey conspiracy theor stuff plus weird stuff on physics, pi, cropcircles, yoga, breathwork and a folder that says "the 4th dimension simply explained" well, you KNOW i need that!

it's thundering out.
jason and i just finished watching "a bronx tale" with robert deniro. it was good. 4 stars.

 

5:45pm

i don't like madonna's new cd "confessions on a dance floor".
it's really normal and boring. usually there is at least 1 to 3 songs i really LOVE on just about every madonna record. but this one, there is not even one i really like. and the lyrics are pretty awful. not that she is known for having the greatest lyrics, but still...i would expect them to be a BIT better now, at the age of 46 or whatever age she is now.
well, you can't win them all. i still love her, but i'll just have to hope the next one is better.
maybe someone will make some cool remixes i will like, or maybe bits will grow on me. i don't think so, tho.
i liked that madonna always experimented a bit (for her...i realize her music is not experimental..but she experiments for HER, a bit). but this whole record is just really safe and ordinary.
not even in a happy bubblegum pop sort of mindless way is it good to me.
it's just leaves me rather blah. i don't even want to dance to it, and that is sad. there is just no passion to it.

she can still play shakti in my movie, tho.
i still love you, madonna. but eesh.

3:56pm

went to borders with jason and bought some birthday presents for jason's mom as we are celebrating it with her and her family tomorrow morning brunch. and i finally bought a paper calendar for myself so i can keep track of things. i like paper calendars and not ones that are online. i got an astrology one so i know all the transits every day. i still don't know how to read transits but i learn a bit more about astrology each year.

and i bought the book "the third policeman" by flann o'brien which is a comical macabre absurd science fictiony book. sawyer was reading it on Lost (the tv show) and i looked into it and it sounded right up my alley.

then i went to the little store and bought some food because i was completely out. just basics, eggs, cheese, spaghetti sauce, kippers, cokes, spinach, dog food.

it's very grey and rainy today.

went through my amazon wishlist and got rid of 10 pages of stuff. i just keep adding to it and it was getting out of control huge from all the years i just keep adding stuff to it.

now i'm boiling some noodles to put spaghetti sauce on.
i haven't eaten that in forever.

then i think i'll go claim one of those storage units.
i'm still going to get rid of things, but i think i will take advantage of putting a few transitional items in there just to get them out of my way for a few weeks.

this month is flying by really fast. i need to start working on the photos for the 12 babes of xmas , too. i thought i had all this time but november is flying by.

and i have to get some hats off to supernaturale.

and annie oakley who does the sex worker's art show says she thinks there is a way for me to present a show with them on tour from my house. so i am really excited about that.
so i'll be touring with them, but not physically, but i still will do live presentations each night :)
so that has to get all worked out and it'll be 25 shows in a row almost, but they will be short at 10 minutes per night.
but i am really excited about the possibilities of all i might do :)

so things are going to get very busy for me.
doing these 25 shows, and then after that going to portal to make the movie. and still fitting in writing a new record in there.

so 2006 is already going to be a darn cool year, i'm quite sure :)

i've already got my calendar for it up on the wall :)

so tomorrow i have to get up at 8:30am because we leave at 9:30am for the mom birthday brunch. and then at 1pm i will be leaving with MY dad and he is taking me to the opera and i can't remember which one, but it's a biggie and a classic. i wish i could remember which one it is.

11:16am

woo hooo! i got my speakers fuzzy gave me hooked up!
i'm listening to all my vinyl! antena, polyrock, the tapes!

i forgot i had almost all the albums by the inceredible string band, even tho i NEVER listen to them even when i did have a stereo. i keep thinking that SOMEDAY i will like them.

now that i look through my vinyl, there is some i could get rid of , i guess.
but it's hard to. like i have pink floyd all on vinyl...but now i have pink floyd all on cd.
do i really need them on vinyl anymore?
maybe i'll just keep the rare stuff...like the original pressing of saucerful of secrets.

it's hard to get rid of things on vinyl. there is something about vinyl that is ALIVE.
like it has this quality of spirit that i can't put my finger on that cd never did have.
i love cds for the clarity...but vinyl...i don't know if anyone else knows what i mean.

and somethings just to translate to cd at ALL.
the small faces ogden's nutgone flake is one of them.
it SUCKS on cd. like the spirit of it is just gone and all that is left is the fascimile.
or maybe they just did a really shitty job of transferring it to cd.
but the vinyl version has a warmth that the cd does not even remotely have.

plus i LOVE the little blips and static zips that vinyl gets. it adds character to the song.
like how the little pieces of dust and scratches add to the nuance of an old movie.

vinyl takes on a spirit, like a pair of jeans.
whereas cds never do. cds just gets scratched and then you have to buy a new one.

if a vinyl record gets scratched you can push the needle into the groove and rescratch in a new groove to make that skip not skip anymore.
there is something really NICE about seeing the physical representation of the music cut right inot the vinyl.
the vibrations physically cut in. and you can see them and you can see how long a song is not because of some digital readout but because you can see how fat or thin the song is.

and then don't even get my started on the beauty of having a gatefold record cover.
oh yessssss......
BIG art. all that BIG space. not this tiny little cd booklet.
mmmm, a nice BIG sturdy cardboard cover with big time photos and art.
yes, it's a beautiful thing.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. vinyl!

my cassettes have not aged well at all.
it's a shame. some really won't play at all. they sound like they are being eaten and they warp and warble and the sound comes in and out.
it's so sad.

now i am listening to wings "back to the egg"
it is so impossible to find that album on soulseek!
oh, i know what you're thinking...wings suck.
well, screw you man. i love wings, ok?
back to the egg rules. it does! *gives you the finger* :)

+++

Horoscope for Aries (November 12 2005)

You may feel a little pressured today. Don't let anyone back you into a corner. Act now and you won't have any regrets later. Don't let your personal life interfere with your professional decisions.

and

Emotional attitudes
Weak, transient effect: Certainly, this morning emotional attitudes figure more prominently than usual. You should be careful not to lose your objectivity in a discussion or lose your sense of perspective. But you will not feel particularly good or bad with this influence; rather, you will feel any emotion more strongly. Sometimes there is a tendency to attract things to you at this time. Women may also be more important to you than usual. Objects, persons and places that are familiar to you are very important at this time because you need emotional reassurance from your surrounding. You may try to withdraw from others or from confrontations with unfamiliar or strange situations. This is not a negative condition; it arises out of a need to be by yourself for awhile.

and

Your fire is burning hot now, but that doesn't mean everything will come easily. Although you are riding waves of wild desires, conflicts about propriety prevent you from expressing all that you feel. Accept the fact that greater forces are working to prevent you from having your dreams fulfilled today. Don't throw in the towel; your perseverance will be rewarded, perhaps in a very unexpected way.

and

Saturday the pace has picked up. Those fresh ideas and plans for action that came about this week and survived the onslaughts of the critics can be put into action now. Use the vibrant nature of Aries to initiate, but mindful that the push from this sign has trouble with follow through so leave yourself a few reminders to finish what was started under this moon. Venus and Uranus in aspect give us a tone that can integrate the novel thinking into a way that brings more pleasure and harmony. Real pleasure like shared food, or a calm day in the back yard with friends.