november 10th, 2005
past anagrams	menu	utb

8:04pm

some links i was at today:

http://www.yesmagazine.org/article.asp?ID=1323
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gnosticism
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nag_Hammadi_library
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gospel_of_Thomas
http://www.jesuspuzzle.com/
http://www.floweroflife.org/art-ronchristgrid.htm
http://home.earthlink.net/~gnosisla/March5.html
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/193223604X/103-0513742-1519007?v=glance&n=283155&v=glance
http://www.spiritofmaat.com/
http://www.solarliving.org/
http://www.spiritofmaat.com/archive/aug1/consciouswater.html
http://people.csail.mit.edu/rahimi/helmet/
http://www.spiritofmaat.com/archive/nov2/munck.htm
http://www.kenpage.com/endoftime/eotchapter15.html
http://www.earthtransitions.com/

interesting book:

http://www.kenpage.com/endoftime/eotcontents.html

2:37pm

today is a strange day.
i feel like something really big and extraordinary should happen today.
but so far, nothing.
although a manager of this building, her mom died today of cancer, but i guess it was a welcome thing as she was in a lot of pain.
so...that feels weird when people die...even if you don't know the person.
so i have mixed emotions of sadness, happiness, relief, and and the tension and excitability that something is going to happen.

2:28pm

i suppose i could just write my email down in actual paper letter form and send it through the snailmail.
i think i don't want to write actual leters anymore because my handwriting really sucks now after all these years of typing.

i looked at kate bush's video for her new single, and it cracks me up to see that she, for some myserious reason, always had the WORST videos to her songs, and this one is no exception.
the cheese factor is right up there on the scale. why oh why oh why kate do you always make the cheesiest videos?
is it because as a child you wanted to be a mime?
david bowie wanted to be a mime, too, but you don't see him making the worst videos ever.
why kate why?

thank you for your music, tho!
i forgive you :)

1:59pm

fuck a duck.
i just wrote out this huge elaborate email to dick taylor and his email bounces back to me as user unknown. if that is not just a total pisser.
i will wait a few days and see if he emails me and then i will have his email.
and if i don't hear from him i'll phone again and try and see if i wrote down his email incorrectly.
*grumble grumble grumble*

*shakes fist at mercury in retrograde that is happening this coming sunday but seems to be in effect now*

12:13pm

you know it's a strange thing when it's easier for me to just download mp3s of bauhaus than go inot the thing room and get the records and put them on. i still have to hook up those speakers.

i got s.f. sorrow by the pretty things now on mp3! w00t!
if you have never heard s.f. sorrow by the pretty things RUN and get it NOW.
it was made at the same time as sgt pepper and it's the 1st rock concept record (not the who's tommy)
and while sgt pepper is totally "weed"

s.f. sorrow is purely LSD.

and speaking of lsd, god do i ever want some soooo much.
or shrooms!

or i would like to try Ayahuasca.

i just really NEED that right now. to go on a journey like that, an inner quest.
a soul searching cleansing journey through my spirit and through the universe.

it's RE-creation. i need to RE-create.
and purge. and cleanse. and SEE. and know.

man, you'd think i'd know how to get some. that from all the people i know soeone would know how to get some!
but i don't! and it sucks!

it's weird listening to s.f. sorrow on my little computer speakers.
it sure sounds completely different this way. not as cool.
you have to listen to it on BIG speakers REALLY loud.
or headphones. absolutely.

i can't believe i was naked in bed with the lead singer and lead guitarist of the pretty things (we were all naked...but just talking!) talking about swinging london in a really fucking horrible hotel. that still blows my mind.
i should write them a letter.
or call them on the phone. i am the worst at keeping in touch with people.

ok, so i called dick taylor and he wasn't home.
but i talked to his wife :)
and i left my phone and email (not that i ever have my phone plugged in). but i have his email now (i hope i got it right with her english accent). thank god for email.

i wonder if my phone # for gina of the raincoats still works?
it's been even longer since i called her. it might be kind of weird to call her after all this long while. it's not like we were ever friends, she was just going to do my video when i was columbia records and then, obviously, fell through. but i've kept her phone # and used to call her once a year just to stay in touch because i LOVE the raincoats and i still would like her to do a video for me (if she still ever does that) if ever the need and the money should arise that i could have that. she did one for daisy chainsaw, and i picked her to do my video because of that video, not knowing at all that she was in the raincoats!
anyway, that was a magical time in my life. i really wish that i had come to fruition that i had made a video with her. she had so many fantastic ideas for it it was really going to be amazing.

it just hurts to think of all the amazing people i worked with and ALMOST worked with where i ALMOST got my visions realized the way i wanted them and then the record co. would get in the way and not support my vision of things.

like gina and i could have made the most amazing video.
and yoko sato who did the photography for spool forka dish...well, you didn't even get to see all the amazing photos she took of us!
(but i have colour xeroxes of them to scan you...but pity i don't have the negatives).
and then this woman photographer, i think her name was jill something, who does HUGE stuff, she had the best ideas could help me realize them. and i STILL want to work with her SO BADLY.
she is still the PERFECT photographer for what i need for my next album cover , if only i could afford her on my own...

i'm just going to hold these happy thoughts in my head and try to magnetize this to me again so that it can come and be fully realized and brought into physicality.

i don't have the guts to call gina today. i feel too shy.
but just thinking about it makes me happy.
and makes me realize WHY i want to call her, it's because i want to magnetize these kinds of brilliant people into my life again to help me make beautiful things.
i need help. i can't do it all on my own.
i forget that so often and get down on myself for not doing as great of things as bjork or her husband. but then i see the credits after the cremaster films and the credits on her records and videoa and go DUH, there are HUNDREDS of people working for her and WITH her on this. she doesn't and could not do ALL of it on her own so no WONDER she can get so much done!

so i am putting the call out into the universe.
but only slightly so for now because FIRST i need to write the new record so i have something to SHOW people for when the people receive my batman signal :)

and i need to write a letter of thanks to prudence mapstone for her support of me. i really dropped the ball on that whole crochet thing i had going there for awhile. i was riding the front of the wave.
and i still could jump on the tail end of it now and ride it...but i'm just not all that interested in churning out hats in the way that i was. i am way more interested in making HUGE elaborate sculptural pieces that will work into my films...the way matthew barney works his sculptures into his films.

and i see people being inspired by my hats and people going off on that route and so i am glad that people are doing that now.
but i have to go in a new direction for me.

ya, i really need to get to work.
i am. ihave been getting rid of a lot and making way for new energy. i'm impatient. i'm chomping at the bit.

but yes, baby steps, one step at a time. i must be patient.
i want to do this right. and i don't care about timing.
time is an illusion.
i will just work hard and get it done and when it's done it's done.

execept for the 40 in portal thing which must be filmed in portal on april 18th :)
wow, i have so much work ahead of me!

+++

Horoscope for Aries (November 10 2005)

A culture shock might be just what you need to get you thinking and moving in a new direction. Don't hesitate to speak up if you have something relevant to say. Your words may be exactly what someone you care about needs to hear.

and

Cheerful and gregarious
Weak, transient effect: This is a good time to go out and socialize, because you feel quite cheerful and gregarious. You radiate warmth and emotion toward other people, so they enjoy being with you. This is a very good time to go to a party, for example. Your relations with loved ones are usually good under this influence, and you may feel quite amorous. Usually this influence is too fleeting to indicate the beginning of a major relationship, but it does help existing ones. This is a favorable time for undertaking any activity connected with beautifying your home and making it more pleasant. It is also a good time to entertain at home. In shopping now, you may spend more money than you originally intended, and if you must stay within a budget, you would be well advised to postpone shopping until later.

and

You may feel that something special will happen today from the moment you get out of bed, but a sense of ordinariness settles in as the day wears on. Control your impulses now, for otherwise you could stir up a nest of sleeping hornets. Judicious self-restraint can win others to your side of an argument, so play your cards carefully.

and

Thursday the moon still in the watery arena of Pisces gives us the antennae up sensation all day. Particularly since Uranus the special planet of internal communication is aspected early, giving this whole day a dreamy and revolutionary feel. Remembering and using dreams is as easy as telling the subconscious on the way to sleep that you want to. This is a great time to take the dream reality seriously.