november 8th, 2005

4:45pm

wow, the pain of my menstrual cramps was intense. i have never experienced cramps like that.
it was like someone punching me in the stomache constantly.
i took 800 mg of ibuprofen and 2 xanax to knock myself out and sleep through it.
and that did the trick.
i'm awake now but super groggy and not in pain anymore.
my back feels a lot better, too.
but i feel completely wiped out.

12:35pm

i'm really sore today. my lower back especially.
probably from being hunched over on the floor sorting and moving boxes and things.
this bums me out because i have more to sort.
at least i want to finish up with folding my material.
i took it all out of the pillowcases it was in and folded it so i could see what i have.
last night before i went to bed i did 1/2 of my silk scarves.
i still have the other 1/2 left and i'm going to do it even tho i am sore, and then maybe i should take a break from cleaning today before my back gets any worse.
but i don't want to take a break, so this is frustrating to me.
i want to vacuum my bedroom and clean my bathroom and just so much more stuff.
i'm on a roll, and that is so rare for me that i can keep up a roll like this for this long.
i'm scared if i take one day to stop, all my momentum will be lost.
but my back feels pretty screwed up, so i don't think i really have a choice in this manner.
i suppose today i could put in the videocassettes that are not labelled and see what they are and label them.
i could sit in a chair for that.

i looked all over yesterday for the cord to my jupiter 6 that plugs it into the wall, but to no avail.
i think i must have thrown it out when i threw away the sea of cords that i dodn't know what they all went to.
i wonder if it is replaceable?
i sure hope so :/

i've now found everything that was lost to me except for my black boots i wear all the time.
my black furry hat that i wear all the time.
and my black sunglasses i wear all the time.
and my U2 zooropa cd and other cds and cases to cds.
but those are replaceable. the clothing things are not.

my house is cold. i'm wearing a winter hat and scarf and i turned my oven on to 400 degrees.
i wonder when they are going to turn the heat on in here.

bauhaus were not as good as i had hoped them to be.
i wish i could have seen them in their prime to i could compare or see if they were always this way.
perhaps they were always this way, they are getting great reviews for their live shows all over.
but i thought the sound was just awful, very muddy.
peter murphy looked as if he had drank a bottle of nyquil before he went on stage, and maybe he had, because jason had heard he was sick. but i don't know what he was sick with.
but if he was, it certainly showed to me.
at times he seemed almost bored to be up there, and he seemed so OLD, not just in looking old but acting very old.
it just didn't look like him. and he didn't move the way i expected him to move...since i've only seen them play "live" in the beginning movie of the hunger, which was them lipsynching in a MOVIE so it's not fair for me to compare to that.
his voice was still amazing, tho.
david j, the bassist, looked excactly the same and he was the epitome of cool his sunglasses laying back , not moving much and just being mysterious.
but i was really shocked by his sloppy bass playing. there were times that i wondered if he was even LISTENING to the drummer. in fact, the entire band was not at all tight. it seemed like they had just formed for "bands reunited" on mtv and had only 3 days to prepare.
i would just expext them to be at LEAST tight , as a band, after all these years and experience behind them.
god knows, they all are brilliant in and of themselves and all have out out solo efforts which surpassed even bauhaus in the creative range (imo). the drummer kept it together the most out of everyone, and daniel ash really kept the stage alive with his rock star posing and he did give it his all and his guitar playing and boise making was very nice. but it still was missing something....like better SOUND. everything was just so MUDDY.
but there were definitely highlights, like when they played "slice of life". and of course "bela legosi's dead, telegram sam, and ziggy stardust"
they played a lot of the very early stuff, and i forgot how strange and sparce their early stuff was.
i do like it, but i have to say i really like it all better on record than i do live.
i think it all would have been a lot better if it had been in a little club, very intimate, and i had a bottle of merlot.
everything is better with a bottle of merlot.

still, i am REALLY glad i saw them. i love bauhaus still. they are THEE goth band. there is nothing like them. they are the one and only. and god bless them, bauhaus spawned some of my favourite bands, love and rocket's and tones on tail, dali's car...and the wonderful peter murphy solo record "deep".
just to be in the same room with all of them at the same time was a thrill.
i had seen love and rockets, i think twice, and one daniel ash put me on the guest list and once i opened up for him at 1st ave. but i'd never seen them all together at once. so that was totally thrilling.
and we had fantastic balcony seats with no one in front of us, so we were able to sit for the whole show in comfort while the entire main floor stood.

another thing that was odd to me is that it was not sold out. i would say it sodl about 3/4ths or a bit more. but there were still a few hundred seats, maybe 200 or so, left.
how weird!

but the enthusiasm of the crowd made up for it :)

owwww. my back is going into spasms.
and i have my period in a big way and have cramps.
i had cramps so much that it actually woke me up, it hurt that much and i had to get up and take aspirin.
i think i will take more aspirin.
i don't think i am going to be getting much done today because of the pain.
it hurts so much i wish i had a percocet.
it feels like my uterus is turning inside out.
i don't think i have ever had cramps this bad.

i wonder if this is connected to me getting rid of things and rehauling my life.
i do believe that things we go through manifest themselves through the physical body, like louise haye explains in "you can heal your life".
it's like (not to be gross, and it isn't actually gross, it just sounds gross to say it) my uterus, the place is shedding it's lining as i am shedding old linings in my house and mind.
it's clearing out as i am clearing out, and it's a painful process.
although, mentlaly, i feel a lot better about it today then i did yesterday.
but today all i can do is sit at this chair at my desk, and try to keep my spine straight and rock back and forth in pain, between my uterus and my lower back.

+++

Horoscope for Aries (November 8 2005)

An unusual financial opportunity will tempt you, but don't be too quick to make a move. Someone will be complimentary and eager to please. Take advantage of what's being offered, remembering that nothing will be straightforward today.

and

Making yourself clear
Valid during several weeks: This influence is generally good for the flow of ideas and communication between you and others. You are intellectually alive, curious and willing to learn. This is a good day to attend a lecture or a class in some subject. You are willing to have people challenge your ideas and thereby broaden your thinking. At the same time you are happy to share your insights on any subject. Thus all interchange with others today should be fruitful and expansive, both for yourself and for the people you meet. Travel is sometimes indicated by this influence, although usually not over long distances. In the course of daily business you may cover a lot more ground than usual. This is a good day for conferences and negotiations in which it is important to make yourself clear to others.


The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Mercury Trine Ascendant exact at 14:13
activity period from 7 November 2005 until end of December 2005.

and

Expressing your desires today may result in spending time with unusual people. You can get away with more now, behaving weirder than others expect, but don't push this too far. You are not immune from the judgment of others and your need to associate with independent types can stir up issues of power and control.

and

Tuesday is the quarter moon, seven days until the full moon. What has come up in the last week that you would like to press on with? Be specific and understand that you can apply fresh thinking or unheard of mental technology to any 'long-standing' problem and immediately see some shift if the focus is there.