november 7th, 2005

i found my doilies i found my doilies!
*skippity skippity do da day*!
i decided to give one last big effort look before i went to bed 'cause i wsn't going to give up on them!
and they were mixed in with this other bag of stuff at the bottom.
yayayayayayayaya!!!
i can go to sleep happy now!!!
i know, i know i'm weird about my doilies but they RULE!
it took me years to collect them all!
doilies contain magical properties!
no faerie can be complete without a bag on hand!
doilies....my sacred geometry pancake creatures!
they fly through the air like a manray or jellyfish does underwater.
they twirl like ufos and drink sugar water from bowls.
they like to land on your head!
they do this when normal people aren't looking :)
sometimes they purr :)

10:47pm

10:18pm

back from bauhaus!
sooo sleeepy!
i will give my full report on the show tomorrow!

i need to VEDGE!

everyone was in black and smelled like cigarettes and patchouli :)

i wore red with red glitter boots and my big red fabulous boa from cirque du soleil and red lipstick :)
red red red!
and we had great seats!

fuzzy says she doesn't not have the doilies. so it is a doily mystery!

6:25pm

maybe i gave the bag of doilies to fuzzy?
???

someone said they would buy my "deal of the century" for $444 dollars.
THAT cheers me up a LOT.

ok, into the bath i go.

 

6:03pm

i am missing an entire HUGE bag of doilies.
this is a real mystery and i cannot figure out where on earth this bag might have gone!
it was one of my most treasured bags of pirate treasure!
it doesn't make sense that it is missing.
my presciousssssssss doilies!
so beautiful they are! mandelas of joy!
like happy pancake sea creatures!
where did a huge 20 pound bag of doilies go?
this is a terrible loss to me if i cannot find them.

i've searched everywhere and now that i have been cleaning so much there is just nowhere for an entire pillowcase of doilies to go!

and now i must get ready for the bauhaus concert as i am leaving in 45 minutes.
yikes, the time really slipped by.....

i wish i felt like dressing up.
i god, i hope i do nto see my old boyfriend, cris, there, i just know he is going to be there. uck.

i am also missing my black furry hat for the past several weeks.
and i am missing my black sunglasses for over a month now!
and REALLY weirdly is i am missing these little black boots that i wear pretty much several times a week!
i mean wtf?

am i shifting into parallel realities?

5:07pm

i'm just going to go fold all my fabric now that someday i will sew.
i need to do something mindless.

4:31pm

from my throat through my chest alsmost to my stomache, my heart hurts.
it's ONLY PAPER!
jeez. i'm so weird.
but this is so hard for me. truly.
it's so dumb. i never even reread those letters so how can i be sad they are now gone?
i've never ever reread a single one of them.
i'm just scared. scared that when they die i will want to read them.
but what insight will that give me or what solace can it give me?
letters that say not much. just paper. it's not THEM.
it's not their LOVE, it's not who they are. it's JUST PAPER.
but fuck. why does it hurt so much?
because i guess it's all i have of them, besides photos. all that i THINK i have anyway.
for fuck's sake we're all going to die. and in the end those don't matter in the grand scheme of it all.
i just don't know...this is confusing for me.
i wish i could find some instant way to make myself feel better.
i guess it's just a process i have to go through. and it really fucking sucks.
i just want to live in the NOW.
i want to be unburdened from my past, or at least the physical trappings of the past which does not hold the greatest of memories for me.
i just want this to be easy. i don't want this to hurt.
i want to be happy right now but instead i just feel scared.
i hope i work through this quickly because it sucks to feel this way right now.
i hate this feeling sooo much.
it feels like my chest is being crushed.

4:17pm

ok, that was kind of traumatic, but i will survive.
i think i need to just sit now and chill out after that.
i don't know how much more of this i can take today.

i'm in a quandry now about getting rid of shoes that are broken that i think someday somehow i will fix, but never do and don't know if they are fixable.
but they are really freaking awesome shoes.
some great fluevogs that were my favourites.
some great boots.
but i just don't know if they are fixable.
glarb.
my heart hurts.

4:07pm

well, i threw it away and that is that.

joba.

joba is the only word that is right for that. and it's not in the dictionary. it's a word renee, the drummer of the blue up? made up and their is an explanation for it on spool forka dish but i don't have time to explain it now.
it doesn't have an english equivelent.

just joba.
i'll explain it later.

i'm trying so hard to make just one wall of shelves look kore empty.
but the more i get rid of, the more i can then take out of my closets and put there so i can get at it.
i got rid of a ton today, but now, taking it's place, is all my fiber i have yet to spin. but at least it's all out in the open now where i can see it instead of in my closet buried at the very bottom underneath all my hanging clothes.

 

3:44pm

i'm having a hard time staying motivated today even tho i did get rid of 2 more boxes of stuff.
old junk cams and electronics.
i went to go get a key to the storage room here since we each get a storage locker here and i don't use mine. btu all the empty ones have locks on them and i don't know what the deal is with that.
i want to just out all the stuff that i want to sell for $444 dollars in there.
so it's out of my hair until someone buys it.

i think i finally got my period after a week of almost sort of getting it but not quite.

i am having issues about what to get rid of next.
i am thinking all the cards and letters from my mom and dad because they don't really SAY anything in them except just chit chat stuff.
there is nothing really personal or exceptional about them and i'd kind of just like to be rid of the symbolism of it all which is that i really want their approval of me. some sort of physical proof that they love me.
btu a box of cards and chit chat letters really doesn't do it, no matter how many of them there are.
so...
i don't know.
i can feel my heart hurting as i think about it and i'm in a quandry.

gah.

 

11:43pm

my house as it is right now.

9:55am

woke up at 9am because my back hurt and i could not find a comfortable sleeping position.
all that being hunched over on the floor and sorting and carrying boxes.
i took some aspirin.
the sun is streaming through my window.
i have the oven on for heat, although it's supposed to get up to 61 today.

tonight i see BAUHAUS!!!!

when i read the other day that the kundalini is coiled at the base of the spine 3 1/2 times and rotates counterclockwise, i realized that i had drawn a snake coiled 3 1/2 times moving counterclockwise!

http://www.kundalini-teacher.com/karma/surrender.html

interesting reading about surrendering :)

 

+++

Horoscope for Aries (November 7 2005)

Check out the possibilities, but don't set yourself up for a fall. Change may be required in your personal life so you can follow your professional goals. Be clear about everything you do and don't settle for less.

and

Playing pranks
Valid during several months: This is a good time for expressing your thoughts to yourself and for communicating them to others. You can make clear to people your stand on any matter and explain very effectively any issue that is on your mind. You will also be inclined to use your mind for amusement, that is for reading, writing and playing games that require mental agility. Often the ideas that come into your head now will have no special function except that they are fun to play with. Just be careful not to transfer this playful spirit to your communications with others to the extent that you play with people for your own amusement. However, during this time you are more inclined to release your inner energy outward than to allow energy input to come from others. Thus you may be rather insensitive to people's needs if you are not careful.


The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Mercury in the 5th House 5
activity period from 1 November 2005 until beginning of January 2006.

and

You have work on your plate today and you might as well start early in the day, for everything could take longer than planned. Part of the problem is that you are in a feisty mood, but may not have anywhere to direct your anger. Steer clear of petty ego disputes, even if you truly believe that you are on the side of divine intervention.