november 6th, 2005
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7:42pm

made a bath and i'm cooking chicken with soy sauce and toasted sesame oil and it smells really good in here. i'm so starving.
then i accidentally whacked my refrigerator light with the bottle of toasted sesame oil and now my fridge light won't work.
what is with LIGHT not working in my house? lamps breaking?
i'm trying to get more LIGHT and ENLIGHTEN myself and my LIGHTS keep breaking.
i mean wtf?
am i reading too much into that?

and the piece of crap standing todd oldham standing floorlamp in the thing room is totally busted. it was always busted. but it keeps falling over and it's just the worst lamp i ever bought.
i need money to go to ikea and buy all new lamps.
i only have one lamp that works anymore and that is the one by my bed.

plus i keep almost getting my period and then i don't get it.
wtf is up with that? it's very aggravating.

i want there to be light and i want things to FLOW!

feng shui dammit!

 

6:57pm

i'm running out of steam and all my muscles ache.
i need to take a bath and eat.
i need to fix my camera so i can take pictures with the wide angle lense to show you my progress.
i can't get the door to the batteries shut and so i need to clean it with alcohol.
my vacuum ws clogged, too, but jason helped me with that.
i feel like i am rehauling my entire life.
i AM rehauling my entire life.
cleaning every last artery and capillary so that this engine runs well.
my mind, my body, my spirit, my home.
it's so much to keep track of. it can so easily get of of hand and spiral out of control.
the years mount up and pretty soon there is several feet of gook stuck to everything
and you're caught in quicksand.
but by god, i've gotten in on time and done open heart surgery and rehauling my entire life and how i do things.
soon i will be a well oiled biomachine of supreme efficiency.
my house, my body, my chakras, my mind, will be free of all clogs and light will shine more than it ever has in my life.
i am going to be a beacon of wellbeing!
i will have room in my house to dance again, and to make music and sew and paint and sing and create.
i have all my keyboards out now. although i cannot find the cord to the jupiter 6 yet to plug it in.

and i will stretch and become more limber.
i want everything running smoothly like a beautiful lightbeing machine of sacred geometry (with doghair).

ok, i'm going to go make a bath now and get some food.
then jason is coming over at 8pm and we are going to watch the rest of arrested development (funny, that title now is the opposite of everything i am becoming right now) on the dvd so he can send it back to netflix.

i wonder how many pounds of stuff i have gotten rid of from my house?
i would be curious to know , but i will never know.
but it's hundreds and hundreds of pounds.

5:17pm

just when i thought i'd seen it all, i open up this massive metal cargo suitcase thing to see what is inside, and it's comppletely full to the brim of MORE magazines throughout the ages that i have articles written about me in.
jeeeeessssuussssss. it is the everlasting gobstopper of paper in there!

i've done so much and gotten rid fo so much today, it's nuts.
i won't even go into it. just art projects i am never going to finish and mail i am never going to mail, and pretty much everything from my life. and this is just the "clearing your clutter" stage!
this is only PHASE ONE of clearing my clutter. this is just the tip of the iceberg in a way.
but damn it feels good to have even gotten this far. it's a friggin' miracle.
no wonder i never wanted to even touch any of this stuff, because this IS a monumental task.
this is 39 years worth of STUFF.
i ache for the people who have basements and attics and garages and storage units in which to accumulate more stuff. that could have been me. if i had the room, i would not get rid of anything. in fact, i'd probably even have more. and then nothing would ever happen as far as feng shui goes in my life.
so maybe it's all meant to be that i have never had the opportunity to own a house yet.
i never thought of it that way.
if i owned i house, i would be a goner. i would be drowning in stuff.

but now when i have a house someday, if that ever happens....my house will be so clear and wonderful.

progress!

2:56pm

i put a huge box of cassettes out for people to have.
stuff i never listen to, things i have on cd now, compilation tapes that people made me decades ago and compilation tapes that i had made.
and i put 2 boxes of vhs cassettes out for people to have. i hope people will take them and enjoy them.

now i have a pile of cassettes and vhs cassettes that are not labeled at all so i ned to listen and watch them all and see if they are anything i want and label them.

i'm going to put the cds out for people to have , too, and not sell them.
i think it's good to give free stuff back out to the universe because i ahve received so much free stuff.
what goes around comes around. and it's good karma to let people have treasure for free because i have received so much treasure for free.

i can finally see that my house is looking a tiny but less cramped. and i have a tiny bit more room in my closets so i can take things from the thing room and have it look even more empty.

weirdly, i am kind fo in the mood to spin, which i haven't been in the mood to do for a very long while.
so maybe i after i tire of cleaning and sorting i will spin up some yummy yarn.

i wonder if i should sell some of my cassettes i have that are rough mixes of songs of my records.
i do i even want rough mixes out there of my stuff? maybe i should throw it away.
i'm not really sure what to do with it.

12:48pm

i wish i could remember my dreams because i know there were aspects of them that were very interesting.
one was about a swirling vortex of snowflakes and another was about giving my tree octopus hat to someone and then regratting who i gave it to.
and the rest is just fragments of remembering of being in buildings, schools, climbing things, rivers, ice, i finally found someone who sold me some lsd and i ended up in the hospital bumming out about my bad trip. well, now that i think about it that doesn't sound very interesting at all. but i swear it was if only i could remember the details.

onward ho on cleaning stuff and getting rid of stuff and sorting stuff.

+++

i went through EVERYTHING from my entire musical career of the blue up? and my solo stuff. and anacam as well!
and i had saved 5 of every flyer or magazine article or 500 gazillion billion of bios and press photos and press releases.
and i got it down so i just have ONE of everything.
and i have a big box now of extra flyers, magazines i have been in and photos and everything and i can't decide if i should sell these articles one by one or if i should sell the entire box for $444 or something.
and then whoever buys it can sell off stuff. it's worth more than $444. that's for sure. at least to me it is.
there is stuff in there that is so rare there is no way anyone would have a copy.
i even have in there unopened press things that we were to mail off to radio stations and labels. one is my demo and bio i sent to labels in england with a demo tape inside. and one is a press thing with our very first single in it.
i don't even know what is all in there because these are unopened.
plus unopened rare other things. and very very rare blue up press photos. and the yahoo internet life with me on the cover, still sealed.
if anyone would like to buy this box from me for $444 speak up.
you will NEVER get a deal like this again.
this is everything i have from my entire musical career in ONE box.
ticket stubs from when we played with robyn hitchcock, etc.
flyers made by me with my artwork on them.

i cannot stress to you how frickin rare this is and how complete it is. this is the deal of the century from me.

i'm giving you, ana2 members, 1st dibs, but if no one grabs this this weekend, then i am going to give the offer out to the public.

+++

Horoscope for Aries (November 6 2005)

You may not like what you encounter today, but it will be the grand finale that will count. Be true to yourself and play by the rules. You will rise above the obstacles; stick to your beliefs.

and

Under the carpet
This influence is normally quite easy, indicating a day of light and pleasant thoughts and social interaction. You will avoid serious topics of conversation or any that might produce conflicts. This is not a good day to negotiate any difficult or contentious matters, because you are more concerned with keeping peace than with making a favorable arrangement. Real problems that you might sweep under the carpet now can emerge and cause trouble later. Since other difficult influences coincide with this one, it can indicate disputes and arguments with loved ones.

and

Responsibilities weigh heavily on you now, and you'd like to do the right thing. Your problem is that powerful emotions distort your clarity. You may believe that you know exactly what to do, but your logic could be so overrun with irrational fears that you head off in the wrong direction. It is surely better to ask for advice before you set your course on your own.

and

Sunday is another day with the moon drifting void most of the day. The Sun aspects both Neptune and Mars by degree. It highlights the 'grand cross' earlier in the week on the new Moon, a review of sorts. The hard aspect to Mars makes it a day to practice grace in action and speech. Especially where bills, contracts and agreements are concerned. Facts and figures are not flesh and spirit so when trying to blend all this remember it may take a more gentle stirring and not just trying to smash it all together. We can use this critical vision to our advantage, seeing things as they really are in the mirror, accepting that person we find there and without harsh critique viewing constraints and options. We're all blessed to be even taking breaths here in this plane, so when it gets tough remember that pain itself is something the non-physical entities covet.