october 30th, 2005
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8:40pm

well, we made it through all 5 cremasters! quite a feat!

now i am all obsessed with making my movie "40 in portal"
which will be an absurd puzzle/rite of passage/journey about me turning 40 in portal, north dakota.
the conflicts i have felt between my indian "past" lives and my nordic roots now.
the conflicts i have felt (and still feel) as a woman in a "man's world".
and my counterpart/twin medusa (played by me) and christopher walken (cardboard) will be my main guides as i work through these conflicts up until age 40 and how i might deal with them for the next segment of my life, at this turning point. portal will BE "a portal" through which i (as the conflicted and as the "mediatrix" ) will try to dialogue with my own mythology in hopes for some sort of resolution/synthesis soup :)

plus i'm already working on the SEQUEL which will be called "44 in portal" and i will take a trip to a different town named portal.
so far i've found another one in georgia and one in arizona.
the sequel may also feature blue earth minnesota (which has a giant jolly green giant i used to visit as a child) and black earth wisconsin. who knows?
but in black earth wisconsin live don and dawn wood who make these AMAZING puzzle boxes that i have one of and i need to get another.
and i wish they had a website.

but "40 in portal" has starring: lifesize cardboard cut outs of bono (as the messiah) , oprah (as the hindu goddess, shakti), and christopher walken (as the antagonist and as a birthday cake!)
(and perhaps madonna (as kali) and fred astaire (as an angel)...i haven't decided)

it will also feature a (white?) buffalo and a zebra (the zebra is perhaps the true antogonist)

and it will be in black and white except for a (funeral?) procession all in RED and lead by medusa!

i will play medusa and also the buffalo, in a way.

but i have a lot to work out, obviously. and i have to make it be as cheap and simple as possible (haha :)
and perhaps my new record will be the soundtrack to this? (at least partly)

i'm just going to let this evolve organically and let it be what it is going to be.
i will shoot it on video because i cannot afford film.

i have a lot of outfits to figure out and make.
and a lot of cardboard people and sets to paint.
and monologue of sorts to write that i will say to christopher walken about my life up to age 40 and perhaps what i should do for the next 40 years. christopher walken doesn't say anything because he's cardboard :)
but we sit together and drink and get awfully drunk as i spew my monologue, buying beer with buffalo nickels.

the ephiphany will be reached when i meet bigger than life bono in the middle of the prairie and he gives me something i've been looking for. and then i go eat at Last Chance Cafe (a real place there) and eat eggs before i go back to my life, to live out the next 40 years and then some, a renewed soul.

i really don't know what on earth this is going to be. but it will certainly be weird and fun to make it!
and i'm sure it will give the folks in portal, north dakota something to talk about and it'll be a memorable birthday!

maybe i will start the whole thing off at the giant spoon and cherry in the sculpture garden of minneapolis.
i'm not sure yet. but since there is already a giant buffalo (in jamestown north dakota) and a giant bono (that i will make..about 9 feet high i think)...it makes sense to start it at the giant spoon and cherry.

there is also the giant fiberglass cow in north dakota and the international peace garden (13 miles from the giant turtle in dunseith, north dakota) which may also factor in.
and the http://www.enchantedhighway.net/

other symbols and myths to factor in:
the rune ingwaz
tiferet of the kabbalah
all things "portal"
the sacred white buffalo
scissors
telephones
the number 40 and the number 44 (44 is my life lesson, in numerology) and the number 8
and boxes....i may leave in a box and return in a box (and the box in the procession)...and i will also bury a treasure box somewhere in portal for someone to find. everything and everyone will become a portal or a potential portal.

the people of portal (if they want to be in my film at all) will play themselves :)
i will bring them many gifts!

i also may feature a scene shot in the twin cities in a theater somewhere where i walk on stage nude and get a standing ovation for it. and then i may do many absurd tricks such as holding a silly pose and lighting up my breasts, to much applause and screams and fainting. but then i will do one trick which will make the crowd go immediately silent and i will walk off stage.

it is bound to be ridiculously arty and completely absurd.
and on a cheap budget, completely cheesy.

oh ya...and i have to get crocheting in there somewhere :)

if you have talents (or advice!) you could lend to this project and would like to be a part somehow (without pay, sorry!)
let me know! i don't know how many people i will need and for what, since i've never done anything like this before.
but if you're all like "oh oh oh i could do THAT!" then let me know :)
like perhaps someone would like to make the cardboard fred astaire, for example.
or maybe you can add something or do something that i haven't even thought of yet!
like maybe you want to go to portal and eat fire during the procession. i have no idea!

or maybe you have some things you could give to the project that i need which would be:

red paint, red glitter, red cloth, red rhinestones (coke can red)

buffalo nickels! i need 44 of them! got one hanging around you'd like to donate?

buffalo figurines! got any you'd like to donate?

a cowboy hat?

a zebra head mask! (maybe someone here is really good at paper mache and could make one that fits over the whole head?)

polaroid xs-70 film

spare keys!

also, in a perfect world, i would like a suit that is covered in little mirrors. if anyone has any idea how i can do that, let me know.

send it to:

ana voog
p.o. box 76152
saint paul, mn
55175

it will take me and whoever goes with me from the twin cities 2 days to drive there (i hate rushing..to drive there straight would be over 12 hours)
and then stay there for 2 days, and then take 2 days to drive back. so i'm thinking leave on april 16th, (my birthday is the 18th) be back april 21st.

 

 

10:53am

i forgot daylight savings time ended.
so when i got up, i found it was actually an hour earlier.
it's grey and raint today and in the lower 50's.
we leave at 1pm to go see cremaster 4 and 5.

yesterday jason and i kissed at the spot where i told him almost 8 years ago that if he wanted to call me his girlfriend he could :)
(on hennepin ave on the side of discount video in uptown)
:)

i like little romantic things like that :)

i had a restless crappy sleep. i never could get comfortable.
i can't remember my dreams now.

i'm on the verge of getting my period.

i wish i had peanut buter. i'm hungry for peanut butter toast.
i haven't had that in ages. i used to practically live on the stuff.

i'm still thinking about my movie and trying to figure out ways to simpplify it because it keeps getting more elaborate in my head (see yesterday's anagram for more details)

tomorrow is halloween!

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Horoscope for Aries (October 30 2005)

You can do something to improve your financial situation if you are smart with your spending habits and your investments. Money is coming your way, but it's what you do with it that will count.

and

Creative activity
This is a good time for any kind of creative activity. If you are employed in a creative field, you should be unusually productive today. Under any circumstances this is a good time to get involved with the arts or any other activity concerning beauty. It is also an excellent time to redecorate your home and make your personal surroundings more attractive. Your taste for beauty is aroused, and you are much more sensitive to the aesthetic nature of your surroundings. This is also a time when you feel very affectionate and have a great need to express your affection for others. You want to give and receive love. Usually this is a very pleasant influence, because you are pleasant to be around. Others can sense how you feel about them, which makes them feel good in return.

and

Partnerships are emphasized today, but you may not be in the most romantic of moods. Instead, you have a need for adventure, and would most like to go on your little excursion with someone who is near and dear to you. Having a fun time is one thing, but don't let your need for an adrenaline rush spoil a more mellow experience.

and

Sunday is a day of opportunity and movement on the internal level. The Sun and Uranus are trine, Mercury heads into Sagittarius and now we can smell direction. You're never lost if you have a plan AND a backup plan. Having Mercury in Sagittarius is always effective. An arrow only goes one way, not much indecision there; we can use this to chart our direction into this new moon coming on Tuesday. Monday is Halloween and next Tuesday is All Saints day. So it's time to clean up your act with the living 'cause the dead are coming for a visit.