| october
8th , 2005 |
||
12:29pm
archduke ana's art gallery:
|
by j.d. casten
11:52am
|
i slept for 12 hours! my oh my...
i must have needed it. i feel a lot better today. and tonight i see cirque
du soleil!
i wish i could remember my dreams but maybe it's better i don't.
i'm thinking of going off prozac, even tho i refilled my prescription yesterday...
for whatever reason, it just isn't working for me this time, i don't think.
it's just adding this tiny layer of spaciness and unreality or something.
it's hard to define because it's so subtle.
i was hoping it would give me energy and motivation to create, but that is
not happening, so i don't see much point of being on it. so maybe i'll see
what it's like off of it now for about a week and then compare/contrast the
difference.and then decide to continue being off of it or go back on. i don't
know what my deal is. i just feel somehow broken somewhere. i don't feel entirely
"right". and it's hard to pinpoint what the deal is and how to rectify
it.
maybe i just need a vacation to a sandy beach.
i wish i could afford something like that.
maybe i just need more excercise and a better diet.
maybe i need to set aside some time each day to "meditate" however
one does that, i never did get the hang of meditation, it just either makes
me bored or sleepy.
ya, i need something like that. i need to get out and walk even tho it's cold
now. it's 49 degrees so it's not THAT cold.
walking is a form of meditaion.
i feel disconnected from the universe, from "the source", whatever
you want to call it. and i think that is why i cannot create nor feel engaged
in life.
and i need to get back into the flow of that energy.
i just feel like a tiny out of control speck, stuck in the 4 messy corners
of my apartment in some sort of fear ode. a not trusting in the flow of the
universe mode.
i feel alone and unconnected and scared and powerless and blind.
directionless, floating...
i need to plug myself back in to "the source" of the universal loveflow
(sorry to be so new age sounding).
i just don't know how to do it. i wish there was some "how to" book
on this.
ya, i think i will not take my prozac today.
it'll take a few days to get it out of my system.
but ya, i don't think it's helping me at all.
i think it's making me feel more disconnected this time around, for whatever
reason. and sometimes i can use that to my advantage, but this time i'm not
able to. it's the wrong tool for what i am trying to achieve right now.
+++
Horoscope for Aries (October 8 2005)
Don't sit around when you should be scouring the city or countryside for something unique. You can pick up some interesting items if you shop around. Today will be a learning process. Love relationships are looking very positive.
and
Out of the woodwork
Under this influence you feel like telling everyone you encounter exactly
what you think of them, whether or not it is flattering. You are likely to
be in a combative mood, which may cause other people to start a fight. Quite
often this combativeness is well buried in your subconscious mind, and the
only way you know it is there is because people seem to come out of the woodwork
to start an argument. You may feel like the totally innocent victim of someone
else's aggressiveness, and it may appear that way to a neutral observer, but
nevertheless you have been sending out hostile signals at a very subtle level.
At this time it is better to be conscious of your feelings of aggression,
hostility and resentment toward others than to try to ignore them. At least
you will have some control over them.
and
Your words may be more convincing now than usual, for everything you say is connected to an unspoken feeling that increases your mental power. You must be careful that you don't misuse your ability to influence what people are thinking. Selfish actions can create more problems than you need, so consider others in your process.