september 20th, 2005


11:34pm

mouseovers:

11:20pm

mouseovers:

 

10:40pm

mouseovers:

10:09pm

mouseovers:

 

4:03pm

letters of support and encouragement for my brother


i got my email from SARK today and she is doing a thing where she is gathering letters of support and uncouragement for the people who need it from hurricane katrina. she said she also did this for her mom in a nursing home and it worked well.

so it occurred to me, this might be a good thing to do for my brother!

this is a picture of my brother and i when we were little:


my brother is not doing well. he hasn't been doing very well for some time.
he is the only black person in a mostly white environment that isn't very supportive of him.
he has some learning disabilities but he is really very smart with a good sense of humour.
he loves animals but is highly allergic to them. but he does own a ferrett, who he loves very much.
he is battling alcoholism and he is on a very downward spiral and i fear for his life now.
i feel that one last binge could possibly be his last day on this earth.
it breaks my heart.

so....i am asking for you to write my brother a letter of support and encouragement.
even just a few small words (like "get well!" or just anything! everything counts!) written on a postcard would be great!

send it to:

ana voog
p.o. box 76152
saint paul, MN.
55175

write "brother" on it somewhere so i know it's for my brother.
and i will forward it to him.

we need to send him some positive energy.
he has to see there are good reasons to live and not to die.

pass this along to everywhere!
my brother needs a TON of support and encouragement!
i think that if he gets a ton of mail, this will boost his spirits, i hope, and he will have just that extra amount of energy he needs to get a will to survive. *crosses fingers*

thank you!

1:42pm

(the bottom icon at the top of this page i nabbed from bayarts :)

i love the juxtaposition of those 2 animated gifs.
it really sums up how i feel right now, perfectly.

tonight is reality tv madness!
1st the season premiere of america's next top model! woo!
and then the season finale of big brother 6 (which i haven't paid much attention to and don't really care who wins.) and then the season finale of INXS which i am VERY excited about and totally on pins and needles over who will win!

do i have a life other than tv right now?
other than horrific dreams of facial transplant surgery with my mom and her rotting corpse in my backyard...
it would seem the answer to that would be a resounding NO! :)
and you know what? i just don't care.
because "i deserve a break today at mcdonalds".

while i'm nabbing things from bayarts journal , i may as well put this chipmunk up, too, that she put in her journal.
she always finds the most hilarious things :)

HAPPY NEWS

1:00pm

more flood dreams. i always dream about floods but now they have taken on a hurricane katrina aftermath overtone to them.
i was back at the house my mom and i lived at. and i don't know if the flood killed her or if i killed her.
but there was all this rotting garbage from the flood in my backyard. and somewere in there was my mom's body, just rotting away. and it really disturbed me. i didn't want to go digging through the big pile of garbage to find her corpse and give her a proper burial. i didn't know what to do. it really sucked. i was just trapped in my house with a big pile of garbage and rotting corpses in my backyard.
everyone did.
all i knew is that i would be able to identify the body by her nailpolish. i knew she had just put a fresh coat on before she died. and so i knew that if i had to identify the body, i would identify it that way.

i remember her words she said to me before she died. she said sourly and judgementally, "when you married that man you lost your face, so you can use MINE". and when she said those words i saw how she saw me, a woman without a face. my skin on my face was gone and all you could see was the muscles and sinew underneath. horrific.
and then she attached her skin onto mine, but she didn't lose her face, we just had the same face after she said "you can have mine". and then she walked away. and then was killed in the flood, i think, but i think i felt somehow guilty for the death. i wasn't really quite sure if it was my fault and i felt guilty i didn't have the guts to go find her rotting corpse and bury it.

and then i think i put on matching fingernail polish as a kind of tribute to her or something.

now that i think of it, in real life, i do remember that when i was younger we would do our nails together and we would wear matching fingernail poilish. and we would put our hands together and gleefully, say "look, we match!"
i had totally forgotten about that.

wow, how things have changed.

also, if i think about it, what she said to me in the dream is actually how i think about her. (but i would not give her MY face, symbollicaly, she needs to find/make her own)
i feel she has lost her face. and she just puts on a new face depending on who she is married to.

in the dream, when she put her face on mine, is was so nonchalant.
like in a way a mother would automatically wipe a baby's chin or something or give them a pacifier. it was just a given to her that she would use parts of her body to make her baby more comfortable or acceptable. acceptable is more the word.
like she was embarrassed i was naked and she said "here, put these clothes on before someone sees you."

but i know i have done that with past boyfriends, too (lost my face). been too accomodating.
lost my identity in them.
but i try not to do that now.

weird dream. disturbing. hard to shake off me.

 

1:35am

goodnight :)
i'm going to bed now :)

+++

Horoscope for Aries (September 20 2005)

Don't let life's little aggravations get to you. Professional gains can be made if you let people see your talents in action. A partnership will lead to a very interesting opportunity.

and

Verbal arguments
This influence is favorable for thinking about and reviewing the past as well as for planning and looking toward the future. But it would be better to be out with people today, because this quality of time favors interaction with others more than solitary cogitation. Today, you can try out your ideas on others to find out what they think. Their feedback could be extremely valuable to you in adjusting your thinking. Don't get so wrapped up in your own ideas that you feel you must defend all your opinions with your life. That will take away the flexibility you need so badly at this time. Even if you get involved in a verbal argument with someone today, look at it as a test of your ideas and do not be afraid to change your thinking.

and

One-on-one relationships now add uncertainty to your day, confusing you with perspectives that don't easily fit into your plans. Try as hard as you'd like, but the situations you are facing will not quickly go away. Larger patterns are being set that can influence your success over the next weeks. Stick with your agenda the best you can and you won't suffer the negative consequences of this transit.