today's anagram

september 8th, 2005
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2:37pm

sent off that new orleans story to my mailing list.
i hope bigger media pick that story up.
it needs to be more known.

i must get food now.

1:12pm

even tho my mom is back on LJ and up to her old tricks again, and she made a post which shows she has not learned a damn thing and she is still blaming everyone else for her pain...my reaction to it all is actually very calm and pretty much, detached feeling.
probably mostly because i have a restraining order on her and i know she cannot hurt me exactly like how she used to without a terrible consequence to her.
and this is a wonderful feeling to know i am not powerless in the face of her mindfucktardary.
i know now i have made the right decision, for sure, in getting the restraining order on her.
sometimes i have felt horrible guilt over doing it, and i wonder if i have not traded in one pain for just a different kind of pain.
but now that i feel my reaction to her being back on LJ and up to her old tricks, and i see that i am not panicking at ALL about it, i feel very happy with my decision about the restraining order.
and i think i must have healed some, too, because i am not writhing on the floor in a frenzied froth of pain and anguish, as i would have been in the past.

it's nice to know i have made some progress!
i feel really happy with myself that i have made it this far!

it's weird to see my mom just sitting there, wallowing and up to the same stuff. she hasn't moved on one bit. not even the slightest. and she is still lying.

like saying now that there are all these horrible lies about her all over the newsgroups, communities, and "chatrooms".
i mean wtf? i have seriously deleted EVERYTHING to do with her in my LJ. there isn't one single thing left on my LJ about her whatsoever.
and newsgroups? there is no way. there is nothing about my mom in a freaking newsgroup. my mom doesn't even know how to access a newsgroup. and communities? NO ONE is talking about my mom anywhere in any community. NO ONE CARES. we have all moved on with our lives.

and CHAT ROOMS?
she is in multiple chatrooms today "somewhere on the internet" where people are talking about her right this very minute? spreading lies about her?

i mean what planet is she on that she thinks anyone is talking about her ANYWHERE (except for right here, in this journal, and that is IT).

it's just so preposterous.
it's weird how she has to try and make herself look important in this way. to just make up those bizarre lies and make it look like people are still talking about her. and in CHAT ROOMS? i just have to laugh my ass off about that because that is just so beyond ridiculous.

oh, she just deleted her journal again.

blip.

zippity zap.

whatever, mom.

11:27pm

i have marty casey's from rockstar inxs's song "trees" stuck in my head and i will not get out!

i can't remember what i was dreaming.
there is a crack in my window that is howling from the wind but i cannot figure out from which part of the window it is coming from so i can tape it up and stop it!

i need to get back to picture taking.
and i will. very soon. maybe today.

i had been feeling like hiding the last week because i put so much energy into all nude all week and then i got so bloaty from pms i just felt hideous.
but i'm starting to feel a little less shy now.
i feel i have recharged my batteries sufficiently enough to be back on cam, and so i am easing myself back into it.

if i don't hear anything from nerve by the end of today, i am putting those photos up. it's been 11 days or something.
i think that is long enough. so...i hope i hear back something today.
and if not...i'm moving on with my life and not going to think about them anymore.

oh, and happy happy joy joy my mother is back on LJ.
she reopened a really old journal of hers and then went back into a very old post of hers and responded to a comment that was made eons ago to let this person know she is back. and that is how i found out she is back because this person told me.
fabulous.
i'm not as upset about it this time around, tho, because i know if my mom contacts me, all i have to do is contact the police and they will go throw her ass in jail or give her a fine or something.
and i feel SO good about that.
it's such a good feeling to not feel powerless when this happens now.
she can't just start attacking me without dire consequences of the law on her ass.
ah, sweet sweet restraining order. how do i love thee?

+++

Your Horoscope for September 8 , 2005

Money should be on your mind. Pay down debt you've accumulated. A sudden streak of good luck is apparent -- coming into money, favorable contracts, deals or even receiving a gift.

and

A pleasant respite
This influence brings grace, ease and pleasant social interaction into your life. It can also bring laziness and self-indulgence, but only if you are likely to be that way anyway. For most people this influence will be a pleasant respite from the daily grind. You just feel content, and your contentment affects others favorably, so that everyone around you today will be in good spirits. This is an excellent time for all social occasions, amusements and entertainments. You may meet someone who will be of great service to you later. This influence often benefits financial interests. It is a good day to make a major investment, particularly in entertainment, leisure activities or the arts. This is also a good time to begin a vacation trip.

and

You might feel a heightened sense of urgency with respect to a health matter. It's not that you are in any immediate danger. It's just that you think time is running out and if you don't take action soon, it will be too late. This fatalistic train of thought is only useful if it motivates you to do take care for yourself.