august 30th, 2005
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11:42pm

 

11:11pm

tomorrow night:
cake smashing show, to be SURE!
stay tuned for time and details.

9:46pm

mouseover:

watching rockstar: inxs

i think marty is my fave now, for the last few weeks.
i am hoping it will be marty, ty, jordis, mig and in top 4.
and i think i want ty to win, because i like marty too much...i want him to start his OWN band!

although suzie just did her 1st performance i have ever liked, bohemian rhapsody! i had goosebumps.

i think i want jordis and marty to have their own band because i think they are too original for inxs.
i think ty and mig are best suited because i think they would be happiest singing songs that are not their own entirely.

at 1st i wanted jordis to win because she kicks ass, has dreads, and is from my city! she is the one most like me.

then i loved ty, 2nd. he just all around rocks.

then marty squeezed in there and surfaced and i went WOA!

my last fave is j.d. fortune.
i hate him!
i want him to go!
he is soooo pompous and in love with himself.

mig would be good for inxs because he has the looks the most, and he has this "cute" charming appeal while still remaining a tiny bit dangerous (sort of, barely).

can you tell i am into this show? ha :)

none of you probably watch this show...
just me being in the music industry for so long...
it fascinates me...

i'm going to jason's for an hour now, i'll be right back!

sorry to be so "frivolous" in the wake of the hurricane.
the hurricane...no words...
i just...i've been taking it in and processing but i can't talk about it yet.

9:24pm

"ghostly reconstruction of ana's fire"

anapix by J.D. Casten

:)

9:09pm

i'm feeling shy.

8:05pm

the days are getting shorter now.
jason and i are watching dr who's
"the seeds of death" from the 60's.

7:21pm

putting my bedroom back together. jason is over.
i watched the news and i had no idea the hurricane had done that much damage.
i was in tears. unbelievable.

4:49pm

the window saga continues...
they were here for 1 1/2 hours taking apart my windows and trying to reconfugure them so they would seal correctly and so the wind would not howl through them, and they had to reattach them to these string things that keep the window up, so i can at least open my window without fear of it falling down.
but then they broke the NEW window taht had ordered and put in because the old one had broken.
yep. for real.
so now the new window is also broken and they just put tape on the crack. and they have to order yet ANOTHER new window.
so...i still cannot fully put in my bedroom back because when they come over they have to move my bed again and i have to rearrange EVERYTHING in my bedroom. it's crazy.
will my windows EVER be fixed?

meanwhile i learned many things about the maintenance guy's emergency room trip and what exactly happened (which is why he didn't show up the other day). and learned all about his marital problems this week.
so...that was interesting....

so basically his life has been a suckfest and then he has to come over and fix my damn windows. poor guy.

i haven't eaten anything yet today.
i think i'll make a ramen.

deiter gets so scared when those guys come over that he just disappears like a cat. i could not find him at all. i though maybe he had escaped into the hallways. i looked in every nook and cranny i could find! but could not find deiter. but as soon as the men left he came out of his hiding place!

where was he hiding? he is such a little 'fraidy cat.
he ran into my lap after the guys left.

but now he is king of the hill again, in the bed at it's highest point, looking out the window.
he always had to climb to the highest point in the bed, as if he is a king. i love my deiter dog :)

2:18pm

my dreams are all blurry. all i can remember is being stuck at huge mall somewhere or an airport.
it was like las vegas , too, i think. i was there and each day i would give it my all and dress up in elaborate costumes.
but then the last day came where they really DID want us to dress up in elaborate costumes for some grand finale thing. and i said no way i don't feel like that today. and i put on my blue janitor jumpsuit and red engineer boots in protest. everyone showed up for dinner all made up. and i was happy to wear my baggy janitor jumpsuit.
i didn't care if i made it into the finale or not. i just wanted to get out of there.

the maintenance guy is coming over to fix my windows today so i have to move stuff again for him and clean up a bit in here.

 

1:21am

i find it interesting that how i choose to manipulate the photo can make the same photo on one hand seem ethereal vs. totally dark and sleazy. well, all these pix are a little dark no matter what filter i stick them through.
i have this desire to express the darker side of me sometimes. i don't smoke (except for photos).
it helps me "get it out". i think that is healthy.

i wonder what i will dream tonight.
i wish i felt i had some sort of control over it. i know i do "intellectually", but can't seem to "get there"
but almost every night i seem to be taken to a place out of a hieronymous bosch painting.

i think a lot of people are confused as go "who i am" since i present so many "conflicting" sides of myself, quite a few people have difficulty reconciling all these seemingly conflicting sides of me and therefore say i am "a persona"
people like things to be cohesive, "make sense", not conflict.
they want to be able to file "it" away under such and such a box/title in their filing system.

i am here to clog and overide that system by presenting conflicting "pieces of *information*" which are all, at least, MY truth.

persona:

1. A voice or character representing the speaker in a literary work.
2. The characters in a dramatic or literary work.
3. The role that one assumes or displays in public or society; one's public image or personality, as distinguished from the inner self.

i'm not a persona. just a person. exploring and documenting all my sides. sometimes ugly and beautiful, sometimes painful and joyous, sometimes shallow and deep.

this entire entry here seems bloated and pretentious.
someday i will learn to just shut up.

+++

Your Horoscope for August 30 , 2005

You can't push others too hard. Patience will be required, and a better understanding of the way other people work will be necessary. Guard against frustration and crankiness.

and

Common-sense answers
Weak, transient effect: Today during the day you will keep your emotions under control, not in a repressive, negative manner, but in a way that enables you to take a more sober and realistic view of life. You are able to put up with considerable adversity and strain during this time because it gives you patience and reserve strength. While you are not inclined to talk about your feelings to just anyone, you do not evade them in yourself. You may very well go off by yourself at this time to think about and evaluate your development. If you have a problem, seek out an older person whose wisdom you respect, who can offer emotional support and suggest practical and immediate answers. You need common-sense answers now that can be applied directly.

+++

Promises made during the week can put you in an uncomfortable position by the weekend. Cutting back on social plans won't be painful if you don't over inflate expectations to begin with. Temper romantic ideas with practicality and you'll have fun you can afford.