august 23rd, 2005
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i had a fabulous time in the bath today.
i felt like a little kid. those roses you sent sure went a long way, howie, thanks!
a lot of the buds didn't open all the way, but when i was in the tub i decided to pick them all apart petal by petal, and even tho they were brown on the outside, they were still colourful on the inside and there were so many petals per rose! soon (well, you saw!) my bath was FULL of petals! i was DELIGHTED!
it was like i was opening little presents!
a felt like a little kid making mudpies for the 1st time :)

as i lay there in the tub, i remembered an idea i had back in 1997, when i 1st started my cam, called "porn for peace". and it would be porn stars getting together to raise awareness and money for peaceful things.
but i didn't really have a full grasp of the "vision" of it or how i would implement it.
i mean, let's face it, porn is more popular than ALL sports put together on the planet.
it makes more money than the pope, i'd bet.
there is no better way to catch people's attention, in this day and age, than nudity or porn.
that's just the way it is. so why not take full advantage of it and raise awareness and money for peace.
take something that is essentially (sadly) shallow (it doesn't have to be that way and more people are realizing this , but it's few and far between)
i mean, look how much money pamela anderson raises for peta.
she raised 200,000 for PETA just for enduring that roast.
anyway....it finally solidified in my head in a way it never had before as to how i could go about this, and have people donate porn or nude pix they have made to "porn for peace" and then for a small fee people could have access to all this. and all the profits would go for good causes. it could be a new organization each month, for example.
i think it would be really popular and could raise a lot of money.
so i go to network solutions and pornforpeace and porn4peace have already been taken.
i should have bought them when they were available.
i'm bummed.
so...i need to think of a new name...but the name i had was PERFECT and i can't think of another one that is better or just as good :(
and i really want to do this idea.
i realize it would be a monumental task in getting a nonprofit business set up.
and then there is always the probem with "good causes" not wanting to be associated with anything that might be porn.
for example, i remember when jennifer from jennicam sponsored many children and she was a huge advocate for it and would talk a lot about it on her website.
and this organization told her to STOP it because they didn't want to be associated with her!
oh, so they want to "save the children" but not badly enough that anyone they deem as a "whore" can help out and save any children.
ya, best to let the children STARVE then have a "whore" give her money to save a child.
seriously FUCT UP.
so i don't even know what organizations would ALLOW money to come to them from a place called "porn for peace". but i do know i linked to rawa.org and rainn.org for a long time and they didn't say anything about it, so that was nice.

but ya, i really want to help out somehow and i think this might be a way i can help make the world better.
but i am bummed these domains are taken so i have to rethink things.

also, the whole thing is a LOT to think about.
because i find most porn quite repulsive and degrading.
and i don't want to add to that or condone that, even if it raises money.

so...it is a sticky ethical and moral dilemma i have.

but i am rolling these ideas around in my head.

i think there is enough sexy stuff out there that couples that love each other could make to put on the site.
i think people would be happy to make love and then donate that to the site to help riase money and awareness for good causes.

what do you think?

 

11:27pm

i was perusing around MUM (the museum of menstruation) because someone asked UTB (under the bed) what women did for pads or tampons in the past. which brought me to this picture there:
http://www.mum.org/armenjc.htm
which totally astounded me because i thought it was MINE and that someone had just taken my photo and did a little "andy warhol" to it!
but it's by judy chicago in 1971!
wow!
i am flabberghasted at the similiarity!

judy chicago's from 1971:

mine done live on cam in 1997:

how seriously freaky!
i feel kind of (selfishly) sad now that i wasn't the 1st to do this...but WAS the 1st to do to it live, broadcasting to hundreds of thousands, maybe even a million or more.

how weird how radically similiar these are!
it freaks me out!

but what really is sad is how flipped out this image still makes people.
when i did it live on my cam people could not even DEAL.
and then when i put a picture up in my LJ of a bloody tampon several years ago, people tried to have LJ remove it, saying it was obscene (and as if i was FORCING them to view it?). and it wasn't this photo, it was just a photo of a tampon...my body was not in it.
but i raised enough of a ruccus about it that LJ policy was changed because of it and i got to keep the photo on my LJ.

it still is just beyond bizarre to me how people get SO riled up about a tablespoon of blood shed in a nonviolent way, but they can't get enough of blood, gore and violence on tv and in the movies.

the same for nipples. which FED the children , now will WARP the children's minds.

i still...just...am beyond confounded and befuddled by it.

10:58pm

 

7:40pm

large digital pictures coming up soon tonight!
but 1st i must smoosh with my man a bit :)

7:15pm

rose bath, part 2

click on the picture to start:

+++

 

from the smaller cam without random haiku:

 

5:33pm

http://www.languageisavirus.com/

5:17pm

got to the little store for a few groceries. cokes, eggs, cheese, potatoes, rice, canned tuna (sorry charlie), and CAKE MIX!
i am going to bake a vanilla cake with vanilla frosting and then either tonight or tomorrow night it will be the , in honour of ducky doolittle who is the original Knockers the Klown who sat on cakes, i will be dressing up as SugarPop the Klown and sitting/smashing a cake for you (in the nude of course!).
i even have a round red klown nose that i bought at cirque du soleil :)
it will be vanilla boobilishious klown happiness insanity :)
so stay tuned!

dada poem of this:

that the for stay the even soleil (sorry a klown boobilishious :) it got the red eggs, a tuned! or doolittle to a with who Knockers (in cake bought rice, bake cokes, charlie), it cirque insanity dressing am vanilla the be MIX! i the the potatoes, will klown nude course!). i vanilla and and Klown will frosting up i nose is original you cake have who :) so round tuna of to a be for CAKE sat going , of either vanilla tomorrow cakes, little SugarPop at canned ducky cheese, Klown store tonight sitting/smashing night on then be and will groceries. in few du as honour i happiness

or

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2:54pm

i found the fisher and sons funeral home from six feet under.
it's at:
2302 W 25th Street, Los Angeles, CA 90018
and is actually the Auguste Marquis Residence/Filipino Federation of America!

i wonder what kind of strange fanmail gets sent there. i'm sure that some people must have written or sent flowers expressing sympathy for the myriad of funerals which "happened" there on the tv show.
i wonder if they have even got flowers?

2:25pm

ok, i've calmed down.
i opened my window a few inches and that stopped the horrible howling sound.
but this window still needs to get fixed because just keeping it open it not a good enough solution as i cannot have it open 24/7 year round.
no more bitching and whining for today.
just time to get stuff done.

i want to buy a cake and do another ducky doolittle inspired cake smashing show.
it's been awhile since i have done one of those and i think that would be fun :)

1:52pm

i can't stand it! the wind is HOWLING through my windows making a HORRIBLE discordinant
howling/whistling sound that is driving me bat shit insane.
i am actually wearing my headphones that you take to gun shooting practice that drowns out the sound of the gun to drown out the sound of my window.
i don't know what the fuck to do. everytime they come up here to fix my window, they just fuck it up in a new way.
they fix one thing, but then another thing then is totally off. and i can't stand to have the maintenance guys in my house anymore. i hate it soooo much. i hate waiting for them, i hate not knowing when they are coming.
they either wake me up or i am nude or i am in the middle of something or i just plain don't want their stinky asses in here.
but they have to solve this window problem!
and there is another problem with it, too, that is too technical to get into, but i am scared to open it because i am afraid it will fall down violently at some point because it is balanced on this one little piece of plastic, and that is the only thing holding this 50+ pound window up when i open it. and if it ever slams down on my dogs paws, it would cripple them. and this is the ONLY window in the apartment that i can OPEN. all the rest are impossible to get open.
gahhhhhhhhhh.
the windows are the curse and the blessing of this place. it's the reason i love my apartment because they are so big, i love the light and the view.
but goddamnit i can't open them or shut them and they howl and whistle and gah!
what to do?
i am going to have to go down there today and tell them about this.
but what can they do about it?
they have already told me these windows are so old that they don't make parts for them anymore.
i understand that. i understand that but still..they have to do SOMETHING because i cannot deal with going out of my mind with this horrible sound everytime it is windy outside!
i shouldn't have to have my sleep disrupted because of my windows and have to wear gun silencer headphones around the house.
not to mention the draft this is going to cause this winter.
ffffuuuccckkk.

that is all.
i am going to get dressed and go outside and buy some cokes.
and then tell them of my window problems AGAIN.

and just...hope for the best.
fuckity fuck fuck.

and my cam is fuct up again, it's the cord that connects it to the power, if it is even slightly jiggled it does this:

and my other one, the viewfinder is almost completely black so i cannot even see what i am doing when i turn that one on. and my business computer is totally dying on it's last breath.

i wish money would just rain down on me so i could pay all my bills, buy a new computer and 2 new cams.

please dearest universe, rain money on me! i need it! thank you!

 

2:57am

Horoscope for Aries (August 23 2005)

Don't let anger get the better of you. Patience and virtue will count today. If you are cool and observant, you will gain ground and win in the end. Be wise.

and

New beginnings
Today you will find it easy to be yourself. However, you should work alone and for your own benefit. It is not that you are feeling hostile or resentful of others becoming involved in your work, but that you do not want to be dependent upon others for support or encouragement. Your life is no doubt filled with projects that you have begun at various times. You may not always be aware of their significance, and you may be acting quite unconsciously in some ways, but these projects are important nevertheless. Now is a good time to take stock of them and to examine what state they are in. If you must make new beginnings in your life to adjust imbalances that have developed, this is the time to do it. Otherwise put most of your energy into firming up the activities you are presently involved in.

and

You may have felt the urgency yesterday; today you get another dose of the same. But now you have the power of your own intentions to conjure up whatever magic you need to bring your work to fruition. If you already have started on your way, stabilize your efforts and build on what you previously accomplished. If you haven't begun, initiate forward movement now, before it's just too late.