august 14th, 2005
past anagrams	menu	utb

3:23pm

http://www.thebigview.com/pastlife/

here's what i got:

Your past life diagnosis:
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I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere in the territory of modern South Australia around the year 1050.
Your profession was that of a builder of roads, bridges and docks.
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Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Person with huge energy, good in planning and supervising. If you were just garbage-man, you were chief garbage-man.
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The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your lesson is to learn humility and faith in spiritual principles. You should believe in higher reasons.
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+++

i'm not going to do anything today, i've decided.
i'm going to stay in bed and watch the videotapes i got from fuzzy and see what is on them.
that is all i can deal with today.
i need some serious vedging out nonaction.
and i will work on my soup a bit more even tho i am not hungry.
i keep thinking i am hungry then try to eat but then give up on eating it. i don't know what is the deal.
nervous, i guess.

jason went to dinner at his parent's for his sister's birthday but i cannot deal to have any human interaction today so i am going to go climb into bed now and stare.

i hope he makes it home in time to see six feet under.

it was a week ago right now that i was packing to leave for vegas, wasn't it?
i remember because i wanted beer but liquor stores are not open here on sunday.
goddammit. i do wish for beer.
or if i was a heroin addict i would shoot up right about now and go bliss out in my closet.
but i'm not. so that is good. i've never tried herion and never will.
i'm just thinking about how nice it would be to have something like that, that wouldn't kill you or make you addicted but you could just waste a day staring and blissed out and give your brain a vacation and i'm listening to The Stranglers "feline" album right now and the song "golden brown" sounds so good right about now.
that's where i want to be.

"Golden brown texture like sun
Lays me down with my mind she runs
Throughout the night
No need to fight
Never a frown with golden brown

Every time just like the last
On her ship tied to the mast
To distant lands
Takes both my hands
Never a frown with golden brown

Golden brown finer temptress
Through the ages she’s heading west
From far away
Stays for a day
Never a frown with golden brown"

now the guy who wrote that is dead from it.
i didn't even know he had died.
i went to see the stranglers play at some some club here years and years ago.
i bought roses for the lead singer. i wanted to throw them on the stage.
i love the stranglers.
and then i found out he was dead and it was a different singer.
that was odd i didn't know he had died.
buying roses for someone who is dead and you didn't know it is an odd feeling.
so i gave the roses to the keyboardist, who is one sickly looking man himself.
i don't think i've ever seen a more pale, sweaty, greasy haired weird geeky looking old keyboard player in all my life.
it was most unappealing.
but damn, i love his beautiful keyboard playing on the stranglers albums.

i notice that they have now taken that song off the record!
that's pretty intense.
i suppose after his death they felt too guilty to leave it on because it was such a positive song about heroin and they didn't want anyone trying it because of that song and then dying, too?

i can understand that.
but....it's really one of the most beautiful songs. one of my favourite ever.
i don't think they should try to erase it from their history.
it was the best song on the album.

i'm bummed because i wanted to get that album on cd, but i don't want to buy it now if it doesn't have "golden brown" on it.
it's just not right.

wait...looking around on the site i see golden brown is on their record "la folie". how can that be?
did they switch it over to a different record?
do i have some weird american release on feline that has golden brown on it? i am completely confused. did i switch universes again?

well, i'm glad i have it on vinyl with that song on it.
i am also glad i have the original vinyl album of xtc's skylarking before they decided to take off "mermaid smiled" and replace it with "dear god".
dear god was their "hit" single and all and sure it's ok. but i don't think it fits on that album and mermaid smiled totally does.

ok, i'm just blabbering to waste time as i zone out to "feline"

ok, now i am reading the history of the band i cannot see ANYWHERE that the singer i am thinking of died. WTF?
in fact, it still says he is gigging?
what the HELL?

i swear to god i have switched into some bizarre parallel universe where hugh cornwell did not die of a herion overdose and now golden brown is not even on "feline" anymore but is on an entirely different record.

this is WEIRD. this is REALLY weird.
i am sooooooooooo confused!!!!!!!!!

he even has a website!
http://www.hughcornwell.com/

1st i didn't know he had died, and now i didn't know he is alive!

wtf times infinity?

"goes to check my record collection and find my stranglers records*

ok, my vinyl of "feline" DOES have golden brown on it.
it's the last song on the second side!

*goes to amazon.com*

ok, both la folie AND feline have golden brown listed on their albums.
WHY? and it sounds like the same song not different versions.

why did when i go see the stranglers did they say hugh was dead?
was that a joke?
it must have been.
so all these years i have thought he was dead when he wasn't?

ok, you think i felt off to buy roses for a guy i thought was alive only to find out that he was dead, and now i feel doubly odd to find a guy who i thought was dead has been very alive, has a website and is still making records!
i am flabberghasted.

11:31am

i had the weirdest dreams.
one was that i got another dog and it could talk and it told me it's name was milk.
another was some bizarrre dream involving all the star trek characters (next generation)
and another where i was listening to a new Lush record and they had this book that was a tour of a house that went along with it and the entire house was filled with life sized ceramic cartoonish characters and hundreds of weird ceramic tea pots.
i could describe everything and even more dreams in great detail, but i am too tired to do that.

it's a perfectly wonderful day outside.
i wonder if i will get out in it at all.
although last night it was nice to get out and walk, as we were going to the irish festival, the rest of the evening was just too much for me and made me depressed. i bought all these tickets to eat irish food, wich is the only reason i went there (besides just to walk) and they were out of absolutely every food i wanted so all the tickets were for nothing.
i could go back there today so i can at least use them, but i don't know if i have the stamina.
so because they were all out of food there, we went to this restauraunt in a hotel i had never been in before.
but it felt too much like i was back in vegas and the friend we were with was being too teasing, shallow, and chit chatting way too much clever, witty, sarcastic confrontational banter that by the end of it i was exhausted in trying to either deflect it or spar with it.

i need some nature. i need to hug a tree. i need realness.

i'm going to really lay low today, i hope.
but i may go to the irish festival again just to walk and to use up those tickets because i have $15 worth and so that is $15 of food that i want. but i am going to shut out everyone around me.

other dreams now flashing through my head...water, motorcycle rides, algae...i don't know..
flashes of little scenes and the uncomfortable feelings that go with them and then they are gone leaving me with a general sense of unease and unbalance.

i'll turn on music to drown it out.

today is, sadly, jason's last day of vacation before he starts his new job tomorrow.
the time went by too quickly.
i am going to be so nervous and excited tomorrow to wait for him to come home and tell me what he thinks of his new job.

 

4:04pm

christopher walken for president 2008

http://www.walken2008.com/

hell ya! he's got MY vote :)
click on the press release. so funny :)

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ok, time for bed :)

2:45am

mouseovers:

2:39am

2:15am

Horoscope for Aries (August 14 2005)

Act quickly and you can make extra cash or luck into a deal that can change your future. Someone from your past will remind you of your goals from way back when. Dust them off and put them into motion.

and

Led to excess
This is usually an agreeable time, in that you feel well and enjoy the company of others. It is good for doing anything that you really enjoy, as long as there is nothing that you have to do. You are likely to have very little self- discipline. In fact, you are likely to indulge yourself in many ways that may not be good for you. Also be careful if you go shopping. Do not buy anything unnecessary, unless you have some surplus cash. There is a tendency to buy expensive things, especially jewelry, fine clothes and art objects. On the other hand, if you proceed with some discipline and know what you are doing, you can make some excellent investments at this time. Avoid doing anything on impulse, because although your mind is capable of making good decisions, your emotions are likely to lead you to excess.

and

Your enthusiasm is uncontainable today, yet you are interested in maintaining a consistent activity level throughout the day. Rather than scattering your efforts, you can concentrate them without necessarily closing down to the possibilities of doing something different. When the right person comes to you with a great idea, don't be afraid to jump at it, even if doesn't fit into your plans.