july 6th , 2005
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someone is having a little fit about me again:

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php/Ana_voog

hmmmm. ok. *yawn*

boobies! *say ten times fast* (more if you can handle it! it's good for the soul!)

funny because i was on the stile portal (for whatever that is worth).
someone is having a hissy fit. stile and i get along just fine and so do jennifer and i.

7:08pm

strange day (of course)!
so, all of a sudden i find out i am flying to as vegas aug 8th through 11th to do a group interview and photography session for a different documentary i am in about webcam girls! (do you remember when those people were here last winter? jay holben...the film maker).
the photo session will be also part of a calendar that goes along with the movie! i said i just need to approve the photo that goes in that.
and cameras will be following me and the 14 other webcam women around during our stay!
that is bound to be extremely interesting, to say the least!
i never know what my life has in store for me!
last time i was in vegas i was headlining at the Luxor!
i vowed if i ever went back i would bring my gun silencer headphones to drown out the sound of bells and a compass to find my room!
i am not much of a gambler. i can't even play monopoly without having a small panic attack.
so...las vegas...here i come, once again!
i am more prepared for you this time!

6:14pm

5:53pm

5:31pm

4:43pm

i knew this dress would come in handy someday :)

4:25pm

i put on such elaborate make up, and i had these ideas of what i wanted to do, but none of these are turning out the way i want and i'm feeling kind of discouraged now. so now i'm trying to rethink this and just let these pictures be what they want to be, but i don't know what that is. frustrating.

got my period today, too, and that is making me feel ucky.

4:06pm

 

2:48pm

just screwing around with lighting and things to still decide
the best way to go about photographing what i want how i want.

2:03pm

 

12:38pm

drinking cold coffee from yesterday and contemplating how i want to go about taking photos of me with the piano.
maybe i will redye my hair red today.
i wish i had a white corset and white boots to be the opposite colour of the piano.
i will think of something...
it's another gorgeous day outside but i don't know if i will make it out there.
listenign to bjork again. i'm on a bjork kick.
i keep walking back and forth between the bedroom and the thing room, trying to imagine the thing room without the desk, and the bedroom with the desk.
i'm excited about the possibilities and the extra room i will then have in the thing room.
and maybe i can get a table in the thing room then so i can have a table to finally be able to sew at.
so i can cut fabric but not have to do it on the floor where the dogs will walk all over it and screw it up.
OR, i can get a keyboard stand and finally have my synthesizers off the floor.
i'm not sure, there are a lot of possibilities!
it's just hard for me to believe my piano is going to be GONE tomorrow.
it's been this thorn in my side, but also so inspiringly beautiful, i am going to really miss it but at the same time be really glad it's not there anymore as a constant reminder of my failure to DO something with it.

i'd like to paint my entire body white. but i don't have any white body paint, and also i would get it all over the piano.
hmmm. ideas ideas...

11:32am

random over the cam right now:

cocoon passionately yellow fruit

i like that one :)

funny my horoscope today would be:

"If you aren't happy with your current setup at home, it is up to you to do something about it. Get rid of the dead weight holding you back. You are due for a change."

the piano surely is dead weight holding me back!

let go let go let go....

it represents so much to me.
all the music i did not write...so much.
a lot of emotional investment in that piano as well as financial.
but that's ok.
i'll still write it.

 

11:14am

well, what a pisser.
the guy told me that my piano needs about $1,500 of maintenance done on it it to bring it fully back to life.
it needs maintenance and tightening and some new strings and other stuff and about 3 tunings!

well, i can not afford to sink that much into it. and what i wanted was to sell it (after i made some music on it)
but...that is not going to happen because i don't have 1,500 to spend on fixing the piano.

so LIVE and LEARN. an expensive mistake to buy a piano and not keep up on it's upkeep.
i never regulated the humidity in rooms for it. it was exposed to hot humid air in summer and then dry cold air in winter and has been through 3 moves.

so....ya....i have to just suck it up and realize it's my fault what happened to this piano and just live and learn.
fuck.

so...the guy said he would pay me 400 bucks for it. and so movers are coming to haul it out of here tomorrow between 8am and noon.

i was hoping to sell it for $1,000 to $2,000 but what can you do?
can't do anything but "face the music" on this.

so, the good news about this is i now am going to have more room in my bedroom and i can finally move my desk in here and put my computer on the desk so i don't have to type on the floor anymore and ruin my knees.
and the other good news is that i will have $400 more to spend on bills and so for next months round of bills i am that much financially safer. and that is good.
and the other good news is that it's probably terrible feng shui to have a big black fuct up piano in my creativity corner, and so by getting rid of that i am improving the feng shui of my house.

but sigh sigh sigh i must do for awhile.
because it's really depressing to spend $2,000 or whatever it was i spent on that piano, NEVER use the piano,
and then have to sell it for $400.

but it's my own damn fault for this.
and jason says he might buy and electric piano because he wants one, too.
and so i could use that.
no more real pianos for me, only electric ones from now on that do not need tuning and so much maintenance on them.
real pianos are like living creatures (which is why i love them so much), but like all living creatures, you better take good care of them or they die.

i hope my poor little piano gets all fixed up and goes to a good home where someone will love and care for it more than i did.

*triple sigh*

maybe i will take some cool arty pix of me with the piano today before it goes.
i hope the motivation and creativity for that come to me, because i only have 1 more day with this piano in my life.

but in other good news, jason day is going REALLY well today. a total turn around from yesterday :)

7:36am

woke up at 7am for a sec.
maybe i will turn off my alarm and juyst let the phone wake me when the guy calls when he is here.
there is nothing i eed to do much to get ready to have him tune my piano.
all i have to do is wake up and let him in. (and take the mannequin off the piano).
i moved a blanket into the thing room so that when he is here i can just go lay in there and put on my gun silencer headphones because i'm sure it won't be the most pleasant sound in the world to listen to someone tune my piano for hours when i am tired.
all my dogs and i can go lay on the blanket in the thing room while he does his work.
and if he doesn't come until 10:30 or 11am then i can sleep until then.
i HOPE i can get back to sleep. knowing my phone is going to ring this morning makes me edgey.
i'm so sleepy.

12:46 am

tomorrow between 10am and 11am the guy comes to tune my piano.

another day of getting up early.

looking at klaklo.com

ones i want:

long sleeved in large (for all)

dot
red shirt orange ink

side square
white shirt red ink

floff
apple green

curly circles
extra long sleeves that attach together
colour black

squiggle line
extra long sleeves that attach together

brain shutting off now.

so many new designs i drool over!

+++

Horoscope for Aries (July 6 2005)

If you aren't happy with your current setup at home, it is up to you to do something about it. Get rid of the dead weight holding you back. You are due for a change.

and

A good time for a good time
Valid during several weeks: This influence marks a period of several days in which it affects your whole manner of expressing yourself to others. You have a great desire to relate to others, and you are willing to make whatever personal compromises are necessary. During this time you feel rather unaggressive. In fact, you may not even defend your own personal rights. Instead you may try to work out a compromise or evade any contests. During this time you may be able to make peace among others. Since you do not feel like fighting, you are willing to act as a go-between to help others smooth over their differences. This is a good time to have a good time with friends, take a vacation or do whatever you enjoy. If you can get away to have fun at this time, you ought to do so.

and

Mars is still in Aries, so you are itching to initiate action. And although you really want to push forward, the New Moon in passive Cancer makes you uncertain how to do it. You may even consider sitting on the sidelines, quietly waiting for a better time, but this isn't advised. This isn't an "all or nothing" time. Your message is to move ahead, but carefully and thoughtfully.