| june
22nd, 2005 |
||
i need more funk in my life.
tell me some bad ass funk to download.
as in super freak word up controversy
funk.
wear an outfit like you are from outer space funk.
like smell the gerry curl and weed and spank me from behind in your thigh
high platform boots funk.
so give it to me.
Current Mood: funky
(and oh, the irony that i listened to olivia newton-john right after i typed that)
11:17pm
cameo rocked rocked so hard on "hit
me baby one more time" last week.
it reminded me to go download "word up" again.
damn....i loves me the funk. word.
(ha, i mistyped that i loves me the fuck, at first, ha :) good typo!)
is all of cameo this funkdafied? i must know.
8:59pm
watching "the inside".
a pretty intense show.
how on earth it occured to me that i should cover olivia newton john's "have
you ever been mellow" while i am watching a show about serial murderers,
i do not know...
but ya, i have to cover that. a very
weird trippy version of it.
also "up up and away my beautiful balloon" and "this is the
dawning of the age of aquarius".
this is going to be such a weird record.
now i'm going to watch "lost"
and look for those songs on slsk
7:54pm
and ohmigod there is a new queen
adreena album out :)
w00t!
7:30pm
good grief how did it get to be 7:30pm?
the day just whizzed by as i went through all the songs on my computer finding
the ones i want to cover.
and i'm not even done yet.
and those are just the songs i have on my computer, not any of my vinyl, cassettes
or cds!
but hey...it IS working on my music to do this.
i've never made a cover record simply because i haven't gone through and figured
all of this out because it's too overwhelming.
weird i should start tackling it today on all dyas when everything is overwhelming
to me EXCEPT that.
oh, roxy music's
bittersweet.
i'm trying to find little notes i wrote to myself all over my computer.
song titles for MY songs also that
haven't been written yet.
maybe it can be a double record.
1 cd my songs and 1 cd covers.
i totally know how i WANT it to sound.
if it will end up sounding that way i have NO idea.
but here i will try to explain it for the 1st tim, i think.
not that you will be able to really hear what i hear since i don't really hear it yet either, i just more "feel" it.
it will be as sparse as i can get
it, or at least give a sense of sparseness.
and a combination of very raw , organic and "lo-fi" like piano,
and drums and distorted guitar miced with just one microphone with a ton of
reverb on it. just hitting the drums super hard and only one mice on the whole
set. and then really high fi sounds like little electronic blips, clicks and
beeps like the orb, bjork's vespertine, aphex twin. and either vocals that
are really quiet and right in your ear or really brutal vocals that are more
far away sounding.
so maybe it would be like a screaming decaying porcupine on fire in a spotless glass room with delicate crystal goblets, little origami paper cranes, and a large chunk of ebony and obsidian.
as i said, it's kind of hard to explain, and i have no idea if i will be able to achieve it.
but i want it to be the perfect balance of violence and delicacy.
little sprinkling droplets of water
rippling on a crystal clear lake but in the depths below a deeply wounded
whale slowly sinking and bleeding to it's inevitable death, and having all
too much time to contemplate it. unlike the whale in hitchhiker's.
6:46pm
i need a rhodes piano.
i'm still making the list of songs i want to cover.
so many prince songs. now i'm listening
to prince's sign o the times
and i want to cover "it"
that would be really hard to do.
or "forever in my life"
"if i was your girlfriend"
off around the world in a day i would
like to do "tamborine".
it would be hard to find a drummer who could play that. bobby z didn't play
the drums on that one, prince did.
i alwyas like the really dissonant bizarre jazz songs prince does. i think tamborine must be one if his most difficult songs ever, to me at least. it just blows my mind.
off his album i wiuld like do cover "papa"
i would like to do something by the prisoners and also firestarter by prodigy (jason hates that song...but gene simmons and i like it ha! gene's version is so terrible).
i know there is something by the psychedelic furs
i would like to do but man, richard butler's voice is wayyyy low. totally
out of my range.
and something by sinead o'connor
everybody hurts by r.e.m.
radiohead:
knives out, street spirit, everything in it's right place, paranoid android, lucky...
5:26pm
ya, i didn't get outside. surprise.
jason's is on his way home.
still listening to kate bush.
i keep writing down songs i want to cover but i never put them all in one
definite place.
i need to do that.
and then i need to go through that list and see which ones are feasible for
me to sing the best.
like there are a ton of roxy music songs i want to do, but i don't knwo if
my voice is suited to the ones i want to do..which are "in every dream
home a heartache" and "casanova"
i've always wanted to do an album of covers.
maybe if i do that it will get me over my fear of doing music so i can write
some of my own.
i think i'm scared of writing my own because i know they will be so painful,
i just don't know if i want to go there.
or if i am strong enough to.
songs i want to cover (but i know there are at least 100 more) these are just what i can think of this moment:
kate bush: army
dreamers
running up that hill
iggy pop: the passenger
roxy music: in every dreamhome a heartache
casanova
the righteous brothers: unchained melody
blue oyster cult: don't fear the reaper
wire: outdoor miner
peter gabriel: mercy street
don't give up
joy division: love will tear us apart
cyndi lauper: true colors
ultravox: i want to be a machine
madonna: human nature
i know there is a depeche mode song i want to do
off violator.
maybe icehouse by icehouse.
maybe a david bowie song. i already did "5
years" in a way.
and the blue up? did a bad rendition of outdoor miner.
i think i'd like to cover "something in the way" by nirvana
and i think i'd like to cover something by prince off parade, like maybe i wonder u, life can be so nice, anotherloverholenyohead, do u lie?
or maybe sexuality off controversy
:)
oh ya, i could do that one REALLY well.
i've already stripped to it and lipsynched to a zillion times.
for that matter i could do superfreak by rick james,
too, because i've already covered that live tons, too.
i think i'd like to do frou
frou's let go, because that is practically the theme song to
my life.
what i should do is make a playlist
of all the songs i want to cover. and then everyday i should sing along to
them and see which ones i sing best and which ones i suck at.
and that will weed it down. like depeche mode is very hard to ding because
he was such a lowwwwww voice.
he doesn't sound like he is singing very low, but he is.
just like tom waits sounds like he is singing low, but he is actually not.
i could sing in his range.
other bands with songs i might like to cover, the beatles, radiohead, the kinks (the blue up? did wicked annabella)
berlin,
the metro?
something by tones on tail.
bill nelson's
flaming desire
bjork's all is full of love
brian eno's babies on fire
the normal's warm leatherette (already covered that live with jason's and my shortlived band called purrotika)
i might like to do a courtney love song.
weirdly, i'd like to cover da
brat's "come and get some"
i would like to do this really toned down almost ambient version of it.
and hilariously i could do john foxx's "touch and go" after that.
maybe something by nick cave. and something by patsy cline.
needless to say, this willl be the weirdest cover record ever.
maybe something by polyrock
or the names.
maybe "heartless romantic" by the dears.
maybe "ashtray heart" by captain beefheart
new toy by lene lovich definitely
something by duran duran
probably planet earth, ordinary world or come undone
"god protect your soul"
by ed harcourt
maybe something by elliott smith
something by fairport convention. like fotheringay
something by the fall?
oh the
cure! something by the cure! god so many, how can i choose?
something off head on the door.
maybe something by
gary numan
probably love needs no disguise
i would like to do utopia by goldfrapp
something by cat
stevens
maybe even something by the carpenters
kylie's can't get you out of my head
maybe madonna's
borderline.
i once did acid for a week while screaming that song at the top of my lungs.
it worked wonders to get rid of all the shit inside me :)
missing persons destination unknown (that would be a huge hit again right now, to be sure)
something by the smiths or morrissey.
something by jeff buckley
oasis's
wonderwall
the pandora's you don't satisfy, i want him
pet shop boys west end girls
pink floyd us and them or corporal clegg
portishead "it could be sweet"
4:18pm
as if by moving through sludge and pulling teeth, i am getting my things together to go to the p.o. box in the scorching heat.
andrea
f.
i got your cheque the other day but now cannot find it! gah.
so disorganized. it's in my room somewhere!
email me your address so i can at least get you your cd!
because the address is with the cheque and since i can't find the cheque,
i can't send you the cd.
i must clean my room!
put in bauhaus and realized that
is a bad music choice for today!
so now it's kate bush. MUCH better.
since my moon is squaring my moon today exactly at 4:44 according to astro.coom
(whatever that means) i better not put on any music that makes me want to
kill anyone :)
cloudbusting...
remembering bits of my dreams. i
had those tubes i am making for hair , i was back in time, and i was thinking
i could do so much better of hair now. it was multicoloured acrylic but what
i wanted was all white cotton.
i was trying to relearn my songs. and there was one on cake and eat it called
"strong" and i said i don't even remember writing a song with that
song title how could i even remember the lyrics?
and i remember thinking "strong" was a really unimaginative title
for a song...i couldn't believe i had really named a song that.
i wondered if i would remember how to sing.
i looked like betsey
johnson.
i remember now, as i write this and
look for pictures of betsey johnson that i ran into her in a shoe store in
soho when i was there for business. i had just gotten signed to columbia and
went on a mad shoe shopping spree with the $ i had gotten from being signed.
i walked all the way from manhattan to sosho and back again.
i bought like 10 pairs of shoes. i think i must have spent almost $1,000 on
shoes, which was an unfathomable amount of money to me. and i was seriously
almost high from it when i returned.
i bought a ton of fluevog.
i think i ran into her there. in fluevog.
(and john fluevog's dad or grandfather or father once dated my grandmother
i found out years after! and if they had married i would not exist in the
form i am now! but funnily enough, i made myself have 1/2 his last name anyway!
as my last name is a cross between his and moog's.
and another weird connextion is that my friend zachary
vex who helped me start anacam is now friends with him! they are both
electronics geniuses.)
so i saw these amazing knee high boots that were platform and multicoloured
leather patchwork. they were a size 7 but i am a size 6.
but i tried them on anyway because i wanted them sooooo badly that it hurt.
and i thought maybe if i just tried them on they would fit, by magic. well,
they didn't. all of a sudden i see betsey johnson right beside me eyeing those
boots with a fire in her eye as big as mine for them.
and i could not believe that i was standing right next to her and that, of
course, we were the same size heightwise!
and with a pleading and kind look she asked if i was going to get those and
i said, no they are one size too big, and i said "if anyone but me should
have these shoes it should be YOU!"
and she tried them on and they fit her to a T.
and she told me she liked me style and she invited me to come and visit her
in her workshop downtown where she makes the clothes!
gave me her address and phone # of her studio.
can you freaking believe it?
what a DREAM!
and the tragedy of this is that columbia records filled in my time SO much,
and i was SO busy that i couldn't visit her!
and so that chance of a lifetime is now gone.
i was so sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and i still hit my forehead on walls
about it in despair.
fargity farg farg. in fact, i'm doing that now.
in retrospect, i really should have said "fuck it" to a bunch of
pointless interviews i had, and instead gone to her studio.
but instead i stuck to columbia's stupid schedule because i didn't know any
better and i wanted to please them.
i love betsey johnson. she seems to have so much of a "sonia" vibe
about her. i just adore her to pieces.
i wonder if we will ever meet again?
ok, here i am reminiscing again instead
of doing things NOW.
but it seems somehow necessary to do.
and i'm having a total mental block.
i can't remember the password to anacam!
total mental block.
i have my $1 tv dinner in the microwave
all done.
i can't even remember what it is.
weird.
i'll go get it and try to eat it.
2:14pm
i should be doing things...but instead
i am downloading music.
saw a bunch more ultravox videos. wow, they are just awful. i don't know if
i am happy they made them or sad!
i heard maxwell cover kate bush's "this woman's work" live. wow,
that was good! how surprising that he would cover it!
i don't know what i'm doing...stalling...procrastinating...or doing something
i need to do be revisiting my "roots" and all the things i loved
and once loved to see where i am at "now" to go forward. i am in
a weird strange epriod of my life where i feel about to let everything go
but at the same time going back to the past and comparing/contrasting how
i feel about now and how i felt about it then. and where am i at now and where
do i want to be?
but at the same time i don't really have this luxury to be doing this right now. i have to finish those tube scarves to sell, or do something or make something to sell. and i have to do it RIGHT NOW.
there are a lot of things i need
to to right now. i mean really really need to.
imperative. emergency.
and i hope things don't come crashing down on me.
i hope the universe grants me some grace.
i can only do what i can do.
i always said would sell my musical instruments if i got to this place.
but now that i want to do music again, i am not ok with that at all.
i could do another all nude all week,
especially since it is summer solstice.
but i don't know if that would make me feel very good because i like to do
that sort of thing because i want to not because i have to.
but, i'd rather sell my "body"
(images of my body) than sell my musical instruments.
i've done it before when i became a stripper to finance my album "introducing
sorrow"
but that sort of thing is for more "romantic" when one is 22 and not 39.
i have far less tolerance for things not going the way i want now as i am older then i ever did when i was younger. is this just something that happens when one gets older or am i just spoiled?
not wanting to settle for anything less than one wants is a blessing and a curse.
and i think back on all my other
"past lives" where i lived in a tent or a cave or some shack and
was gleefully happy to eat a squirrel or some turnips. to have drinkable water
or be warm and dry.
and here i am in my super nice apartment downloading music from people's computers
in spain, 3 fluffy dogs that used to be that only royalty owned, a window
that overlooks one of the mightiest rivers in the world, glass bottles full
of marbles, i have so much fresh water i could have a bath every 5 minutes
if i wanted to...hot or cold!
50 pairs of shoes, 2 closets full of clothing that i never even wear.
a king sized bed, books, music, magazines, international communication in
many forms....
but i guess i just know it all could be gone in an instant.
and that is the curse of having things is once you have them you don't want
to lose them.
and so i have to detach. detach detach detach.
all of this is an illusion of my
own making.
and i can have everything and nothing all at once all the time.
forever and ever.
but somehow i cannot seem to grasp
that right now.
i am caught in the grip of fear.
it's a hard cycle to break and all my dreams seem 1 inch away and all my nightmares,
too.
i knwo i have the steering wheel
yet i can't seem to feel it.
and i am blindfolded.
so i am just blindly going ahead not knowing whether or not my car is ever
so slightly careening to the left or right or is heading up the road in a
straight line.
i have to get myself out of this position some how.
1:07pm
i woke up today and my computer was
off. weird!
all my digital clocks were not blinking so it didn't seem to be because of
a power outage or anything.
from my horoscopes today it seems i should stay away from people!
funny, because right now i don't feel very irritable at all.
my dreams have just been nervous
busiwork dreams. just stuff i need to get done.
i'm listening to a few tracks from the white stripes "get behind me satan".
it's 86 degrees right now and it's
supposed to get up to 93.
yucko.
i hate the summers here more than the winters in many ways.
it's supposed to be in the high 80's lower 90's all week.
blech.
i wish i could move somewhere where it is always between 45 to 75 degrees.
+++
Horoscope for Aries (June 22 2005)
You will be close to losing your composure today. Expect to have to deal with incompetence and people who are trying to put you down. This is a day to stay on your toes and to refrain from getting upset or angry.
and
Discordant emotions
Weak, transient effect: This influence, although not long lasting, can provide
some moments of difficulty and irritation. Your emotions are discordant, and
you may be more inclined to get into disagreements with others. This will
probably have the greatest effect in your most personal life and domestic
situation. Consequently you should watch out for unnecessary conflicts with
loved ones. In a group, you will not feel that your interests are in accord
with the others' interests. It is not a good time to work with people or to
make any kind of public appearance, if peace and harmony is your goal. However,
if you are trying to stir people up about some issue or call their attention
to circumstances that must be dealt with, this influence can be quite helpful,
although the others may not appreciate your role in this
and
Your feelings are not easily integrated into practical considerations now. Attempts to understand your emotional swings will only lead to frustration. Fasten your safety belt and ride the rollercoaster. Be sensitive as you communicate your point of view with others, for magic can occur when dreams are shared.
and
ARIES (March 21-April 19):
There are several ways to break an
egg. You can knock it against the edge of a pan or strike it with a
knife. You can squeeze it hard enough to crack it or hurl it at a disgusting
politician. Professional Easter egg painters pierce both ends of it with a
needle in order to drain the stuff inside. Is one method better than the
others? Not in general, of course, though if you're planning to cook the
egg, you shouldn't open it via a high-velocity encounter with the
kitchen wall. Your assignment in the coming week, Aries, is to do the metaphorical
equivalent of breaking open an egg in a way that's exactly appropriate for
how you'll use it.