june 15th , 2005
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wrote so much today then deleted it.
that's all i can say for now, i feel.

4:53pm

holy mackerel i have taken in so much information today my head is spinning.
and now i must quickly get ready to go for a walk!

3:13pm

today all i have been doing is reading everything at:
spaceclearing.com
the more i think about it, the more i want to be a feng shui practitioner.
but this is a lifelong pursuit.
not so much traditional feng shui, but in the way of karen kingston, whose site that is.
i was reading all her requirements that you must meet before you can take a course from her pesonally.
and i am YEARS away from being able to meet the standards she has set.
1st you have to read all her books, then take all her workshops, then do this rebirthing thing, have 10 years worth of being on this path of self knowledge, be free of all addictions, fast or colon cleanse once a year, and just...well practically be perfect :)
good grief.
and these are all things i do want to do. so...i will do them. but it's going to take me awhile as i am still on "clearing my clutter". ha :)
and i'm loving the sugar, caffeine and xanax.
so...ya, i have a ways to go. but i will get there.
when i think about "fixing" energy by moving around physical objects and stuff, it just excited me to no end.
and this all fits in with my 44/8 life lesson/path which is to help people put their world in order.
but 1st i must put mine in order.
and i want to be able to SEE energy, not just feel it, intuitively.
i want to be able to walk inot a room wor walk down a street and SEE the energy flowing and how it flows and how i might be able to correct it and improve upon it for everyone.
it delights me to think that i might be able to simply move a chair from here to there, add something pink and sing a note or ring a bell to help stop a house from argueing or to help a neighbourhood be less violent or depressing.
i knwo it's a LOT more complex than just that, i am not trying to oversimplify or trivialize the art and science of it.
and i have to laugh at how ridiculously cluttered my house is as i have these noble aspirations and realize how much work i have to do within myself before i can even dream of helping to acheive these same results for others.
and i also know that all the work i want to do on this isn't going to replace my love for making art (music, hats, photography, drawing, etc) but will just enhance it.
and i'm really excited about all of this, but also super impatient and i want it all now now now!

and when i wrote that kate bush's song "sat in your lap" started singing in my head

Kate Bush
» Sat In Your Lap

I see the people working and see it working for them,
And so I want to join in, but then I find it hurts me.
Some say that knowledge is something sat in your lap
Some say that knowledge is something that you never have
I see the people happy, so can it happen for me?
'Cos when I have no energy, there's nothing that can move me
Some say that knowledge is something that you never have
Some say that knowledge is something sat in your lap
Some say that heaven is hell, some say that hell is heaven.
I must admit, just when I think I'm king (I just begin)
Just when I think I'm king, I must admit (I just begin)
Just when I think I'm king
(I just begin)
I've been doing it for years, my goal is moving near
It says "Look I'm over here" then it up and disappears
Some say that knowledge is something sat in your lap
Some say that knowledge is ho ho ho
I want to be a lawyer, I want to be a scholar
But I really can't be bothered, ooh just
Gimme it quick, gimme it, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme
Some say that knowledge is ho ho ho
Some say that knowledge is ho ho ho
Some say that heaven is hell, some say that hell is heaven
I must admit, just when I think I'm king (I just begin)
Just when I think I'm king, I must admit (I just begin)
Just when I think everything's going great (I just begin)
Hey I get the break
Hey I'm gonna take it all (I just begin)
When I'm king (just begin)
In my dome of ivory, a home of activity
I want the answers quickly, but I don't have no energy
I hold a cup of wisdom, but there is nothing within
My cup she never overfloweth and 'tis I that moan and groaneth
Some grey and white matter (give me the Karma Mama
A jet to Mecca, Tibet or Jeddah
To Salisbury, a monastery
The longest journey, across the desert
Across the weather, across the elements
Across the water)

+++

Horoscope for Aries (June 15 2005)

You'll be restless today. Anxiety may lead to an impulsive action. Don't make a decision that will alter your personal life. Live with your situation for a while.

and

The weight of the world
Today may seem depressing and restrictive. You may want to break out of your rut but find that you cannot, because some barrier is holding you back from going out and being yourself. Other people may seem to get in your way and interfere with what you are doing. Physically and psychologically, your energies are low at this time. You may feel that the weight of the world is too heavy, but you don't expect help because you have not asked for it. However, you have probably made that choice yourself. You reinforce the very circumstances that make you feel lonely and isolated. What you must do is break out of this vicious circle and take a good look at the world and the people around you. Even though you are having some problems with them today, the situation will improve rapidly.

and

You are ready to go and nothing can stop you -- not even logic. In fact, you can be self-destructive when you speak impulsively. You can accomplish a great deal now, but only if you are aiming in the right direction. In order to set out on the correct path, you need to cool your heels while you do another round of information gathering. Otherwise you'll pay the price later.