june 13th , 2005
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meme:

1) My uncle once: tried to excorcize a demon out of me
2) Never in my life: have i faked an orgasm
3) When I was five: i was obsessed with indians
4) High School was: a brainwashing center
5) I will never forget: the evil i have faced
6) I once met: my future self
7) There's this girl I know who: inspires me
8) Once, at a bar: i lit the stage on fire
9) By noon I'm usually: waking up.
10) Last night: thought about everything
11) If I only had: security
12) Next time I go to church: it will probably be to see my dad preach for the last time before he retires
13) Terry Schiavo: is somewhere else now
15) When I turn my head left, I see: my messy room full of yummy things
16) When I turn my head right, I see: my windows with a wonderful view of the stormy night
17) You know I'm lying when: i don't think you'd know when i'm lying
19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I'd be: cleopatra
20) By this time next year: be immersed in many creative projects
21) A better name for me would be: there is no better name for me than the one i have now
22) I have a hard time understanding: people who don't understand me
23) If I ever go back to school I'll: make sure it's not a waste of my time.
24) You know I like you if: i tell you i like you.
25) If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: it depends on the award
26) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: mozart
27) Take my advice, never: live without integrity
28) My ideal breakfast is: vanilla coke
29) A song I love, but do not have is: somewhere over the rainbow
30) If you visit my hometown, I suggest: sitting by the mississippi river
31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: tulips
32) Why won't anyone: realize i am not them.
33) If you spend the night at my house: you will wake up covered in dog fur.
34) I'd stop my wedding for: sudden illness
35) The world could do without: people who do not honour the earth
36) I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: eat the cockroach
37) My favorite blond is: madonna
38) Paper clips are more useful than: leaf blowers
39) If I do anything well, it's: art
40) And by the way: my stomache is full of cornflakes
41) The last time I was drunk, I: was hauled away in handcuffs

+++

prophet yahweh. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/pyufos/
i retract my statement made many days ago where i said i thought prophet yahweh
seemed like a good egg, even tho a bit crazy.
he seemed like such a nice sweet harmless loving guy. crazy sure, but just basically nice. but all of a sudden he is just spewing list message after list message out with very hateful anti-homosexual crap. using words like faggot in a deragatory manner (but getting very angry when people call him a nigger). wow.
how disapointing.
so yah...oh well.
just another guy spewing about god's love, getting high on all the attention he is getting, and using his new found platform to fuel hate against homosexuals.
very sad.

11:31pm

how quickly people forget the OJ trial.
but i guess most weren't paying attention to that and for them it was just this entertaining thing to talk about around the water cooler like some sort of reality tv show.

people assuming that just because a jury decided someone is innocent, that means they got it right.
tons of guilty people have gone free.
and tons of innocent people have been convicted.
the jury doesn't always get it right.

the judicial system is flawed. we are flawed.

so many people don't give a crap about this unless THEY were the ones to stand trial.

as long as it's not YOU who gives a crap, right?
ya, let's just move to more important topics like the fucking war because child molestation is just so low on the totem pole of important subjects in this world, right?

i see some people treating this verdict with the same amount of importance one would give to talking about paris hilton's engagement. it was just another news story. just another thing to hear about on tv.
let's just move on to the next topic like some sort of overbloated pigfucker with ADD.
next topic anyone?
what shall we oo and ahh about next?

i see people trying to make this about michael jackson's "eccentricity" or his fame or his money or the fact that he is black, or his plastic surgery.
well, WAKE up, it's NOT about that.
it's about CHILD MOLESTATION.
i could give a rat's ass if he wants to live in disneyworld, cut his face off, and speak backwards and live in an oxygen chamber.
what the FUCK does that have to do with child molestation?

and what the fuck does his mother not being a credible witness have to do with this boy's molestation?

what the fuck does her credibility have to do with her son's credibility?
so the poor kid comes from a family of crazy people.
does that mean he wasn't molested?

i feel like i live on planet with crazy people.
since when is child molestation not just as important as as any other topic?

look, i KNOW that i could be wrong and that michael jackson COULD be innocent.
i mean DUH. i DON'T know the guy. i WASN'T at the trial.
i DON'T know the boy. i am don't some special "in" on this.

but for god's sake you know when something just feels "wrong" you know?
it's like how you feel ok when certain people hug you and then you get a certian horrible icky feeling when others hug you.

i know you can't convict anyone on "gut feelings", nor should they be.
gut feelings can be wrong.

i know i MIGHT be unfairly judging him. i GET that.

but fucking a! if he is not the EPITOME of a child molestor then i just don't even know what is.

yes, i REALIZE that just because someone fits the profile that does not make them a child molester. but COME ON.

i don't know what more to say other than just a huge big FUCK.

i'm sorry i erased the other posts about this. i go back and forth about whether or not i want to even talk about this.

i am torn.

in the end, it really doesn't matter what i say.
only michael jackson and the boys he might have molested know the true story.

i GET that.

but still, i am ANGRY! i am FRUSTRATED.

people saying "oh we just want to air a celebrities "dirty laundry".
to cheapen child molestation to "dirty laundry"

when we uncover crimes against humanity are we just squawcking about "dirty laundry"?
is that all it is?

well it's not about that either!

i wish i could be more eloquent about this.

i wish i could not care about it.

i really do. i wish i could just go "oh well" this doesn't affect me and so i am going to go waggle my finger at the next scandalous bone they through me.

i just...i just don't know what more to say.

7:57pm

woa. it was raining and hailing and the tornado warning sirens went off right when jason and i got in the car to go to an errand! we ducked into a carwash to avoid having the car dented. it looked like the apocaplypse! it was creepy!
on one side you could see blue sky and big huge puffy white clouds and the other as black as night and sometimes alsmost navy blue clouds with lighting. woo!

gonna go to jason's and watch 6 feet under now.

6:05pm

it hurts the human spirit when people can get away with anything these days.
it sends a powerful message to the victim's of child abuse to just "give up".
or the victims of any abuse for that matter.
it makes my heart hurt.
the message it sends is such a powerful one.
it just says "what's the point. you, victim, are nothing and not credible. you are silenced. don't even try to stop us. you're a joke. you're expendable."
i'm sad.

i also understand that it also breaks our spirit when our "heros" or "idols" do things that let us down or that go against our "vision" of what we want them to be FOR us.
but we have to break free of illusion. and we have to break free of this vampiric need for these idols to be "pure" FOR us or evil for us. we have to see things as they really are if we are going to evolve.
and no i don't think michael jackson is either this pure hearted peter pan nor a 100% evil darth vader. but i think it's pretty obvious that MJ is dabbling is some dark forces here and he isn't some little bambi anymore. and i feel bad he was abused as a child, too. but god, when do we put a stop to it? when we can break free of illusion!

all the people cheering for michael may as well be spitting on that boy and slicing his soul into little worthless pieces. by fearfullly and selfishly clinging to out illusions, we are cheating ourselves and we are sending the message that children from questionable homes are free and clear for abuse and are expendable.

yay! mickey mouse wins.
ILLUSION wins. we can cling to our little michael jackson pictures when he was young and cute and not have to think about some other little boy just like him being eaten alive by the monster.
*does the moonwalk and drinks some jesus juice*

let's all go to NEVERland.

never never never.

 

4:23pm

michael jackson

all counts acquitted of all charges.
that's completely fuct.

i'm extremely disgusted but not surprised.
after the O.J. trial i don't expect anything from the justice system.

now he's free again to molest to his heart's content.
i hope anyone who ever sends their children to his house after this rot.

and i feel terrible for the child because either way he is fuct.
either he has been molested or he has been used as a pawn by his family and made to withstand that trial for absolutely nothing either way.
so either way, that boy loses.

3:43pm

so far i've just been getting everyone's addresses together and what they ordered. and then i'm going to go autograph it all now. i'm not going to go to the bank. i might just go to the drug store tomorrow because i need to eat.
i'm not sure. i'm just trying to get stuff done, and i'll just see how far along i get.

paid my electric bill again. so that's good.

and i need to take a bath and clean the kitchen.

and the michael jackson verdict has been reached but hsn't been read yet, and i am COMPLETELY on the edge of my seat over what it will be!

here it comes now.....the special news has just interrupted all programming to show it.

god, i have goose bumps all over.

3:06pm

weird scientology links:

http://www.xenu.net/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OT_III#Origins_of_the_Xenu_story
http://www.rickross.com/groups/scientology.html

 

1:21pm

i have so much to do today. i have to go to the drugstore. and to the bank.
and mail of things. and get ready for that and all organized.
i feel very nervous. i had crappy dreams about living in this very very small mobile home without windows and stacked against other incredibly small mobile homes with scary neighbours.

---

it's interesting to me, in this community, how a while ago a photo got posted which depicted some blood which was (fake) menstrual blood and everyone ahd a fit about it, or how so many people will rag on models being too skinny, or how people will flip out about photos not showing the fashion...

but put a bunch of photos up of women who have been murdered violently with blood everywhere, 1/2 of which you can't even see any of the fashion, and all of a sudden everyone has only positive things to say. from a sociological point of view it creeps me out very much.

not that i don't like these photos, too.
i do like them and think they are well done.

i just think it's interesting what this community freaks out about and what it doesn't.

+++

Horoscope for Aries (June 13 2005)

This is not the day to waste time. A chance to do something different is on the horizon. Check out professional or volunteer positions that interest you.

and

Beliefs and prejudices
You should use this time to find out exactly how you feel about every matter that comes up. It will not all be pleasant, but it should not be totally unpleasant either. Your thinking will be unusually influenced by your feelings, and your communication with others may be so colored by unconscious compulsions that you will have difficulties. It is impossible to root out every belief that makes up one's prejudices, but you should make a start, and this is a good time to do so. Because women are so often the targets of one's unconscious projections (no matter whether you are male or female), this influence is often associated with arguments with women. However, anyone who activates an unconscious belief or thought pattern will be a source of difficulty for you at this time.

and

You are energetically recharged and you feel as if you have your act together. Today, however, you may have to face tough opposition as if someone is trying to stop your plan from ever seeing the light of day. Don't waste your precious resources by engaging in an unnecessary battle. Plan carefully and save yourself for the main event.