june 2nd , 2005
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11:45pm

voltage fashion amplified put a link to my photos in their news section the other day :)
but i just noticed they added with the link this:

"(Please note this link may not be work "firewall-friendly.)"

what do they mean by that?

i suppose that anacam is blocked by some servers?
i never even thought about how that could effect people seeing my hats and other things!
i need to see if my voog.com domain is blocked by a lot of people's work. it doesn't point to anything right now.
but would that even work to put my hats on a voog.com domain name? or is it the actual IP that is blocked?

fuck.

peole shouldn't be blocked from seeing my hats and fashion photography because of anacam, you know? i have to think of a solution for this.

 

11:25pm

i've decided that what i will do is make the woman who emailed me about the sex workers art show a hat that she can wear, if she chooses. and i will ask if i can make a fanzine type thing for their merchandise table that will contain in it my art and writng and photos, and photos of hats. maybe even make a little cdrom or something to sell.
i think it'll be too much of a mess for them to keep track of a ton of hats and stuff and also i don't think i have it in me to go on tour in that way. but it definitely got me thinking about how much i have to offer and what all i could do with all my talent and experience in a live setting and that is something i can work toward for the future :)

and i will also ask if i can do a guest appearance with them if they come here to minneapolis :)

6:24pm

heart hurting issue resolved :)

and i can get connected to ana2 again. yay :)

4:34pm

if you don't know anything about numerology, you arent going to understand this entry, but if you do know anything about numerology i'd appreciate your input!

i have the book "numerology and the divine triangle" by faith javane and dusty bunker and i really love it.
i've had it for years. and their method of finding your life lesson number, which is your birthdate added up goes like this:

my birthday:
4 -18-1966

first 1+9+6+6= 22

then 22+18+4= 44

so i have always thought my life lesson was a 44/8

however, i was researching numerology on the net last night and there are other methods people go by to get the life lesson number.
some add it up this way:

4+1+8+1+9+6+6= 35/8

or 4+ 9 (1+8)+ 4 (1+9+6+6=22/4)
and 4+9+4= 17/8

so either way my life lesson is an 8...but each different type of 8 means different things.

so am i:

44/8
35/8
17/8

?

i suppose i should just pick the one i feel resonates with me the most.
35/8 does not resonate with me at all.

but 44/8 does. and 17/8 does very much so, as well.

maybe my life lesson is all 3 of these different kinds of eights?

 

4:18pm

i can't get connected to ana2 again.
so i can't ftp this.
bummer. what is going on with things.
my horoscope is very accurate today.

"The air is filled with invisible fuses and you are carrying a lit propane torch. How are you going to make it through the day without inadvertently setting off the emotional fireworks that are just waiting for your fire? An emotional meltdown may be inevitable, so don't waste your energy trying to sidestep the conflict. Instead, focus on being kind as you assert your point of view."

i have already been wounded today by someone i love with a very caustic remark masking itself poorly as a joke.
my heart hurts and feels like it's being compressed from all sides by heavy sorrow.
i feel like shutting all my doors and windows today and just hiding.

i'm afraid of today.

4:17pm

scary spam poetry:

B0nj0ur my 0ld cham

Mariah was walking in foreest noot far froom heer house. Thhe nature was beautiful. No onne was around.
Onnly birdds weere singing and sun was shining in thhe sky. Suddeenly someoone seizeed heer and pullled on earth.
He took off her drses and r'a'ped her brut@1ly. Mariah wasn’t ablle to do anything.
She screamed form pain but no one could hear her in a big fseort.
…He lfet her laying on earth and bleeding…

I kn0w that y0u must s’e’e !

It is a silly fish that is caughht twice with thhe same bait yaqui
voluptuous A good csnocience is the best divinity.
jooliet No man is wise at all times

Hmoe seewt home

3:29pm

i think i got the ixtar name fro watching the dr. who episode which was dr. who and the aztecs.
all i can find about it is someone saying in a bbs that "Ixtar is the mayan goddess of suicides"
but i can't find any other pages to back this up.

2:57pm

i was up until 6 or 7am reading about numerology. i don;'t even know how i got on that kick.
but i slept into now which is a bummer. i feel off kilter.
and then i had terrible dreams all night about earth changes.
things shifting and sliding, whole earth masses moving and cracks forming in the earth.
places that were flat would become hilly and rocks would tumble towards us, and other placs would be swallowed up by the earrth.
to make manners worse there was bioterrorism. and somehow i got a hold of this tiny spec of this stuff that would wipe out an entire civilization. it was like a grain of sand but so toxic. it was sealed in a little plastic baggy. if it got poked by a pin, we all could die.
i tried to keep this a secret from everyone as everyone was searching for it and i didn't want the government to get it or any terrorist organization. and i didn't want to be thrown in jail and interrogated as to it's whereabouts.
i tried to act all nonchalant and hide it in really stupid places they would think would be too stupid for a place it could hide, like inbetween the pages of a goofy book.
but as the earth changes starting happening i realized that this thing could burst open any minute just from a tumbling rock or something hitting it. earthquakes were happening and i couldn't be sure that i could keep it safe anymore.
so i finally did just give it to some faction of the government since it seemed that no one was really in control of our destiny anyway. not even the government was really in power anymore.
and then the toxic stuff was about a tablespoon of liquid that lay inside this tiny alien body.
i carried the little body, which was about 2 feet tall (and dead) to them.
it's fragile body was coming apart like a cooked fish.
i felt such love toward the little dead alien who looked like one of the aliens from fantastic planet.
i knew his race was called ixtar and this alien's name was ixtol.
and i tried to get the government to treat the body with respect and understand that this was a beautiful race of aliens.
it seemed like maybe there were no more of them.
and i tried to get them to know that i didn't know how that biotoxin worked or how many people it could kill, but it could wipe us all out, perhaps, if we did one thing wrong.
but it seemed the entire human race might just end from the earth changes anyway.
it was all just a crap shoot and we were all just held in the balance of luck.

---

i'm not as enthused about the idea of going on tour for a month today as i was last night.
i really like the idea of my hats going instead of me.
i don't know if i have it in me to get the stamina to do 26 shows in 26 different cities in 30 days.
that's pretty brutal of a schedule.
i just don't know. but i have quite a few months to think it over.
the deadline for submissions isn't until august 1st.

---

i'm excited to see this reality show tonight called 'hit me aby one more time"
which is old bands from te 80's competing to be big again :)

2:44pm

Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.

1:39pm

OMFG on a stick!
how cool is THIS?

email i just got:

"sexworkersartshow to me

hey ana,
my name is annie oakley, i'm the director of the sex workers' art show. We met a few years ago on one of our tours, in some northeastern town I think? or maybe minneapolis? I don't remember. I'm writing now cause I'm putting together the lineup of artists and performers for the 2006 swas tour, and I came across your hats and am very interested in them. they are seriously pure genius. i mean i felt like i needed to go lay down after looking at them. I would like to figure out some way to take some of your hats with us on the tour as part of the visual art display. I am not sure how exactly that would work but I'm sure we could figure something out. Let me know what your thoughts on this are. I'm attaching the official call for submissions also.
congratulations on your mindblowing hats and all around fabulous project of a life.

best,
annie o.
www.sexworkersartshow.com"

kick assssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!
my hats and sex workers on a fabulous art show tour?
WHAT COULD BE MORE PERFECT??

(well, david bowie and bjork wearing my hats ON that tour, too! THAT would be even cooler!)
BUT!

damnnnnnn!!!! that just made my entire last few crappy months i've had besides the wonderful pluckyfluff book i am in!

i wrote back:

"holy freak! that would be awesome!!
wow how totally cool that you like my hats and they could end up in your show!
i LOVE your show! ducky doolittle has told me i should apply to go on
tour with you and i just never got off my butt to figure out how to do
that. but ya, on the cam side of my life, i was the 2nd 24/7 homecam
and the 1st to do art with that medium. so i have a gazillion stories
and presentation i could do about my 8 years (longest and oldest
homecam on the net now!) of doing that :)

but if you just want my hats, i am totally cool with that, too! that
would also be absolutely fabulous! i am so honoured you like my hats
:) someone showed me how to crochet a few years ago and i was
completely obsessed with it immediately and how the whole process was
like an analogy about life and so spiritual, too.

i wish i could go on tour with you all and teach everyone to crochet
and make you all fabulous hats and outfits as the thing went along :)
haha :)

the sexy string theory sex workers art show :)

by the end i will have crocheted a mobile home for you all :) and some
dildo cozies :)

just let me know what you think up! i am completely at your beck and
call to help add to the tour in the manner you see fit! :)

:)
ana"

 

ROCK AND ROLL!!!

i wish i could figure out how to go on tour with them! it's a month long tour.
i'd have to get a mobilecam again and figure out who could take care of my dogs!
and i'd miss jason TERRIBLY!

but they pay $3,000 and that would ROCK to make an extra $3,000!
and spread the word about what i do be on tour with a bunch of cool women artists!
plus i could make some $ selling merchandise, too!
ooohhhh, it would be so nice to have that experience and that income and let more people know about me!

aaaa!

of course touring is also a huge pain in the ass and very tiring!

but i know i could do it for a month.

and think of all the cool photos i could take of the entire thing!

but ya, maybe the best way for me to go on that tour is for my hats to go.

but i have so many cool stories to tell and pictures to show!

maybe i could do a cam piece thing for them as they tour and i could do it from my home as i have done for the film premiere of webcam girls and i am going to do for teknikunst? and also done other art places like the walker.

so much to think about.....

i could also do music!

26 shows they will do in one month, tho.
that is a HELLA lot of shows!
that's a BIG BIG BIG thing that would take an ENORMOUS amount of energy!

so so so much to think about!

why do they want to tour in february, tho, when it's so freaking cold?
i guess all the better for my hats!

+++

forwarding this and spreading the word:

"Hi everyone!
We're getting an early start this time on organizing the 4th annual Sex Workers' Art Show Tour, and we're looking for artists and performers to contribute!

THE SHOW:
The Sex Workers' Art Show is a cabaret-style evening of visual and performance art created by people who work in the sex industry to dispel the myth that we are anything short of artists, innovators, and geniuses! The artwork and performances offer a wide range of perspectives on sex work. The show hopes through its diversity of viewpoints to move beyond "positive" and "negative" into a fuller portrayal of the complicated ways sex workers experience our jobs and our lives. You can read more about the show at www.sexworkersartshow.com .

WHAT WE’RE LOOKING FOR:
Sex trade workers are in a unique position to observe the freaky dynamics of capitalism, desire, ownership, gender, and race. We are looking for hilarious, disturbing, challenging, entertaining, accessible work that addresses these issues. Or, you know, whatever else. Please jesus no artless literalism or speeches. We’re interested in a range of mediums- spoken word, burlesque, music and performance art of all kinds; as well as all manner of visual art.

THE DEAL:
The tour is happening mid-Feb through mid-March 2006. It hits approximately 26 cities nationwide. Venues will be varied, from small clubs and galleries to large theaters and college campuses. We'll be traveling in two new vans, staying in hotels. There will be seven performers, a technical director and road crew along. Pay is $3000/performer, plus lodging, transportation to the first show and home from the last, and occasional meals. Staff will be provided to sell performers’ merchandise.

SUBMITTING:
People who are working or have worked in the sex industry are invited to submit any kind of visual or performance art. We can accept text, photos, video, and audio submissions. Please email info@sexworkersartshow.com for more information. Work must be submitted by AUGUST 1ST.

Thanks everyone! Please spread the word and forward this!"

+++

Horoscope for Aries (June 2 2005)

Travel will help ease any anxiety you are feeling. Romance is in a high cycle, so don't hold in your emotions. The more intent you are to talk about the way you feel, the easier it will be.

and

Calling a halt
This influence does not make you mentally aggressive, but you will probably feel quite good. The only area of tension will be your personal relationships. Use this energy to have a discussion with a loved one about the state of your relationship. You may discover that the two of you do not agree in as many ways as you thought. But if you speak in a spirit of compromise, you should have little difficulty in reaching a working agreement. If you proceed from a position of inflexible righteousness, there will be disagreement and discord that could sever communications for some time. Your attitude is very important. If you attend a social gathering, have a good time, but exercise restraint. Take note of how much you have indulged yourself and call a halt at a reasonable time.

and

The air is filled with invisible fuses and you are carrying a lit propane torch. How are you going to make it through the day without inadvertently setting off the emotional fireworks that are just waiting for your fire? An emotional meltdown may be inevitable, so don't waste your energy trying to sidestep the conflict. Instead, focus on being kind as you assert your point of view.