june 1st , 2005

condom reef not true! ha :)
http://www.snopes.com/risque/penile/reef.asp

2 new words i learned today:

flotsam and jetsam

strangely , there is a band called flotsam and jetsam, too.

9:37pm

this show, lost, i like it!

 

9:12pm

i found a mutant 4 leaf clover today :)
i saw a bumblebee, too!

i'm watching the 1st pilot episode of "lost".
they are replaying it.

talked to one of jason's friends for awhile about aliens and 2012 and all that good stuff.
got him to order the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy book, which i think should be required reading :)

jason is at a judas priest concert!

my dad said he would loan me the money, he actually said to consider it a gift, but i want to pay him back so i feel like i still have my integrity or something.
it's a good thing i've only asked him this once before.
is should be proud of myself that i have been able to keep doing what i love to do for a living for as long as i have been. it's pretty amazing really.

i don't have a 401k or retirement or health insurance or anything.
but i DO what i love for a living. i live my life NOW.
and that is stressful and humbling. but it's the life i choose.
and i wouldn't do things differently.
i would rather live 1 day living life how i want to live it than
10 days living it in some way that would go against who i am.

of course, there is some balance in there.
i can't do what i want ALL the time no matter what.
well, i guess i could....and be homeless or something.
but i do have to buckle down and do shit i don't want to a lot.
but all in all, my life is mine to live more than i lot of people i know. but maybe that works out for people who want to live the other way, because so many people seem lost when they have "free time" on their hands.

7:20pm

i'm watching some new reality show "beauty and the geek"
my soup is done.

4:59pm

going for a walk now.

4:02pm

http://www.tvdrive.net/

3:45pm

ok, i emailed my dad. *sigh*
how embarrassing :(

3:26pm

making a soup.
must clean the kitchen. do some laundry.
then go for a walk with jason.
i'm trying to psyche myself up to email my dad and ask for a small loan to help me out for a month.
it's so humiliating to have to ask my dad for a loan.
i dread it with every fiber of my being.
i'm trying to just keep my chin up and keep going with my day.
i have to trust in the universe but i also must not stop moving forward and doing productive work to improve my life.
or i'll be swallowed up.

2:52pm

made some scrambled eggs. waiting for them to cool.
i made the whole dozen because they are going to expire tomorrow.

that "hell's kitcen" reality show....
watched it the other day and i have to say i really did not enjoy it.
all it was is a sadistic asshole chef treating peole like utter shit.
and we didn't get to see anything about cooking skills.
i thought i would be more iron chef with an asshole chef.
i thought we'd see cooking techniques and stuff.
but it was just them bringing up their food already made to the chef, and then him screaming in their face about how it tastes like dogshit and then smashing the plate of food into their chest to humiliate them.
i may watch it one more time to see if it improves. but i have a feeling it won't.
i really don't get off on shows that are just about humiliation.
and this one seems to be based solely on humiliation and nothing about actual cooking.

btw, jason is going to see judas priest tonight :)

2:11pm

browsed through past photos trying to find ones i could make 300 dpi for teknikunst.
found 6 and made a webapage for them to take them:

http://www.anacam.com/teknikunst/

i hope one of those will work. i have no idea if they need them to be colour or black and white.
i can't find my old 300 dpi press photos from anavoog.com which is a real drag. i wonder where they are?

now information society is playing on the radio. i used to love this song but now it will always remind me of kurt (the singer) being one of the hugest assholes to me at sonia's funeral. he is up there with one of the biggest assholes i have ever met on this planet. which is really sad. and i'm sorry that song is now ruined for me.
i remember when he used to serve me pizza at this place uptown.
he denied this. but he did. we all had retail jobs uptown.

1:29pm

from freewillastrology.com

ARIES (March 21-April 19):
Maybe all you really need right now
is a grilled cheese sandwich. It's quite possible that if you savor a
well-made version of that earthy delicacy, the things that are off-kilter in your life will get smooth and fresh again. I'm not kidding, Aries. The adjustmentthat will help you get back on track is likely to be minor--if not a grilled cheese sandwich, then maybe a haircut or a new bedspread or a five-minute conversation that corrects a misimpression. That reminds me ofanother secret I want to tell you: Small actions can have big impacts.

:)

1:21pm

well fuck shoutcast. live365 is better.
shoutcast keep buffering or timing out.
and my gen80s on live365 kicks ass over this flashback alternative station on shoutcast. plus realplayer sucks over windows media player.
and who needs winamp anymore?

1:09pm

went to shoutcast.com and downloaded winamp so i could listen to this station caled "flashback alternatives" that jason's friend told me about. and i click "listen" and my realplayer opens instead of the winamp. and what is playing is u2's "beautiful day" which i love. but this is hardly a flashback. and hmmm, how to get it to play in my winamp?
i have too many mp3 players things on my computer.

12:46pm

72 degrees and cloudy. feels colder than 72.
there is a new fabu restauraunt that opened up arond here and they serve frou frou coffees and even have a bakery. i may go over there and get myself a mocha something and a loaf of fresh bread. maybe maybe...
i think i'll make a soup today as i am out of things to eat besides many tins of sardines and some cheese.
i'm still feeling rundown and like i am coming down with a cold but , thankfully, it's not turning into anything, it's just staying as a rundown icky feeling in the back of my throat.

i have to come up with some money pronto.
i may have to ask my dad for a small loan that i will pay back in the middle of this month, so that i can pay my rent. i think i am going to be about 3 to 400 off because i had to pay back bills of electic and phone. oh wait, and then i still have to pay my server which is another 300. so i need like 6 to 700. blarg.
and then i must hustle and create things to sell or find things in my house to sell.

ya, skip the mocha coffee and fresh bread. i can't afford it.

 

12:31pm

i had the most bizarre dreams.
i dreamed i was me but also ashton kutcher, and i had an affair with the wife of jean-luc-piccard who was also david sylvian. the wife was bjork but also ingrid chavez. the only thing that makes sense is david sylvian really is married to ingrid chavez. but then the wife went back with the husband and i was heartbroken to i turned to drugs, and threw myself into the sea, and the actor who played ghandi on the movie ghandi saved me and said my drug problem really wasn't so bad, that i just had to get off tylenol pm and it would take me only 8 days.
this dream just went on foreverrrrrrrrr.
i wouldn't really call it one of my worst dreams, even tho it sounds pretty bad. i didn't wake up from it feeling really terrible. in fact, it was kind of cool to be ashton kutcher for awhile and make out with bjork.:)
and it's always nice to have ghandi save you and tell you everything's going to be ok and things are not as bad as they seem :)

so now back to reality where i must now call the phone co. and pay that or my phone will be shut off tomorrow!

+++

 

Horoscope for Aries (June 1 2005)

Your intuition is right on and if used properly, will help you make a financial gain. You will be able to compartmentalize if need be, making it easy for you to make a decision. Your personal life will take a turn for the best.

and

Reaching agreements
This influence has the effect of quickening your mind and increasing your exchanges with other people - mentally, verbally, through traveling and even commercially. You feel mentally more alert than usual and eager to see and talk to people, even if it is just small talk. But it would be pointless to waste this influence on small talk, because it favors more serious kinds of communication. This influence assists you and others in reaching agreements, even about matters that have been points of dispute. This is a good day for any type of commercial transaction, contract negotiation or buying and selling, either for personal reasons or for business. Communication is flowing so smoothly now that you can easily get all the information you need in order to make the best deal.

and

If anyone can get away with trying to do too much at once, it's probably you. You may discover that you've spread yourself too thin and there's no way you'll be able to deliver on all the goods now expected from you. But you have an amazing ability to compress time and get more done faster than most people. Use this ability with focus today, and somehow you'll get by, no matter how deep you've dug the hole.