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24th , 2005 |
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what is the object in the sky in this picture?
10:55pm
oh shit! i just realized because
i will be at the fashion show i will miss the 2 hour season finale of american
idol!
i hope jason can tape it for me!!
10:33pm
tomorrow is the fashion show at 1st
ave that i am going to be a photographer for :)
i'm going with fuzzy :)
i must find a fabulous outfit to wear!
9:33pm
ok go to:
http://interviewsrus.com/
click on movies, and then at the very top you can download the interview with
oprah and tom cruise and you tell me WHAT is so crazy about it?
it's been bugging me all day how people think that is crazy.
and even that tom has pathological Histrionic Personality Disorder.
maybe he does, i don't know! i don't know the guy! but i still think that
seems pretty ridiculous.
i guess this is upsetting to me for 2 reasons.
1. are some people are so cynical,
bitter, jealous, or something that they cannot see or deal with a person who
is very passionate or very happy and they want to squash it because it makes
them feel uncomfortable for some reason?
2. i think i could be taken as being
"insane" in this way. and i know i'm NOT. so to see people just
make these massive judgements about a person they do not know. it really bugs
me. because it happens so much to me that people make horrible judgements
about me.
i wish this didn't bug me so much. but it just struck a little nerve in me.
don't get me wrong, i have had a
WONDERFUL day and i am really happy right now.
but this has just been this little minor thorn in my side all day.
because i just can't figure out how someone could , in my opinion, mistake
passion, excitement and being in love for insanity.
but i know a lot of people already
think i am very insane, including my own mother.
so ya...it's just a minor thorn in my side today. not a huge deal but something
that has been rolling around in my head today.
i just try to see things from other people's perspectives so that i can understand the world better.
but still, i'm not going to let this
get me down. i know where i want to go and be. and i know what energy i want
to plug into and will plug into. i've been there before.
it's scary to shine to brightly because some people want to put that fire
out. i used to shine more bright than i do now but i let the people who like
to rain on parades get to me and i started to withdraw. it's hard to be that
open and vulnerable and radiate all that you can be in front of millions.
but i radiated and was innocent and naive and did not have shields up.
and i got shot down and so i withdrew, confused as to why someone could take
my gift as a threat. how radiating so brightly can even get you killed.
it's taken me many years to process that. and to get to this point now where
i am getting ready to radiate again.
but i didn't understand how i could shine all my light OUT, but not make myself
vulnerable to the things that light would attract.
how can i shine but filter out those who would wish to harm me because of
it? this has been some of my struggle for the past 7 years.
does shining brightly have to have such a price?
i think i am almost ready again. i think i CAN shine but still shield myself.
i don't really understand how i know how to do that now. but somehow i have
been learning it slowly. it's been a painstaking process.
it's hard to put into words and i'm not doing a very good job at explaining.
but this thing with tom really reminded
me again, brought back some of that "post traumatic stress syndrome"
i have about shining.
i go "oh ya, THAT is why i do not shine as brightly because some people
hate that and try to tear you down." and i get scared again as to whether
i'm up to it...whether i can do it and not be hurt so deeply again.
it's so much "energy work".
i don't know who else to describe it.
it's hard to work with that much energy being hurled at you from all different
directions, some very positive and some really negative.
and then to use that energy and not be swallowed, destroyed, or lost by it.
and also not to mistake it for YOU.
you have to have incredible powers of discernment and it has to be checked
in on almost minutely when it's being so focused on you.
it's a very elaborate "dance". letting some energy through, deflecting
some other energy, remaining in contact with your OWN personal energy, and
then also just the universal energy.
plus then the energy of each place you are in. because every place has a different
energy that you need to make adjustments to and work with.
sorry to the people who this is all
too new agey and weird for you.
but this is very real for me. and it seems all my "life lessons"
have centered around the lesson of learning how to deal with energy at many
different levels and work WITH it and not be overtaken by it.
it's like surfing in a way, too.
riding that wave and not being sucked under.
all my live shows, this whole cam
experience, the media, the people who have violated my energy and personal
boundaries.
it's all been a lesson in energy.
energy is such a vague word for it. but i don't know how else to describe it yet.
but i still have so much more to learn.
anyway, this is all a learning experience
for me.
it all strikes a nerve in me.
i feel a little nervous as i am making transformations within myself now.
i'm testing the waters.
and the universe is giving me little
bits to chew on.
and that is good.
i'm learning.
4:01pm
adding links and text to the pictures below. scoll down to the pictures to see more info and links to more info!
"CARVER'S CAVE - A great cave located under Dayton's Bluff. Its Indian name was "Wakan-Teebe", which means "The Dwelling of the Great Spirit". Jonathan Carver came upon it during his 1766 explorations, and described it as follows. The entrance was about 10 feet wide, and its height about 5 feet, with a 15 foot arch that is about 30 feet broad within. Its bottom was of fine, clear sand, with a crystal clear lake that began about 20 feet from the entrance. The walls contained many Indian hieroglyphics, and nearby was a sacred Naudowessie burial ground. Zebulon Pike tried to find the cave in 1806, but it was stopped up. Major Stephen Long located it and gained entrance in 1817, but George Featherstonehough reported it again closed up with debris in 1835. Joseph Nicollet gained entry to it two years later, and reported that it was still in the same state as Carver described it eighty years before. In 1839, the murdered body of John Hays washed ashore. In 1866, the Minnesota Historical Society explored it by boat and candles in commemoration of Carver's Voyage."
3:34pm
my pictures for hugnation.com:
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3:13pm
hug nation is on now!
go join us now!!
see it and chat:
http://206.196.30.237/lounge/lounge.asp?id=18
live audio:
http://www.live365.com/stations/halcyonstyn
2:39pm
i added a bunch of horoscope stuff to the bottom of this page is you care to read about the astrological influences for the coming week.
it never occurred to me that tom cruise cruises pure excitement yesterday on oprah could be mistaken for insanity.
i wrote this is a friend's journal about it:
"i thought tom cruise on oprah
was totally hilarious in a good way :)
he was just in the best mood EVER and so totally completely in love and excited,
and ya it was a bit manic, but hey i've been known to act like a total spaz
sometimes when i am ridiculously extremely happy and so it didn't appear,
to me, to be anything freaky.
but i suppose to people who never experience pure joy, it might have seen
a bit bizarre. but i hadn't thought that people would have thought it bizarre
until just reading your journal entry now.
and none of us know what it's like
to be tom cruise. i mean, he just came off working on that huge movie, he's
completely in love and the press is going ga ga over it, he goes on the oprah
show and the crowd just SCREAMS at him (like the beatles or something) for
quite a few minutes and oprah had to calm them down.
it think that is what started it for him. i think he's just a really sensitive
person who soaked up all that energy of the crowd screaming at him and he
just kind of channeled that for the rest of the show. because when he soaked
it in, you could see him getting more and more energized and he could not
stop laughing and he said he was overwhelmed.
i know from my personal experience that i can soak in the energies around
me so much that it effects my mood.
and i'm guessing that is what happened to him. but it was all a good thing
because it was all positive energy. so he was just a big ball of hyper happiness
and excitement at life :)
it was pretty cool to witness someone radiating pure joy like that unabashedly
:) i found it rather inspiring :)"
i feel kind of sad for people who
can't connect with joy on that level and have never experienced being that
way so that when they seem someone else acting like that they immediately
think it's insanity. or maybe they have experienced joy and excitement at
that level but just don't express it in the way tom cruise did.
but then, so what? it feels to me like people just want to rain on his parade.
i don't understand this hatred for tom cruise. so he is a scientologist? who
cares! and it doesn't seem to be anymore nutty than christianity. i don't
see him out on the streets murdering anyone or causing harm to anyone. he
seems pretty darn happy. things seem to be going pretty alright for him in
his life and it's not infringing upon my personal freedom in anyway or harming
me or anyone else that i can discern.
i'm going to choose to be inspired by his happiness! i want to be that alive,
engaged in life, in the now, ridiculously joyful!
heck ya! plug me in! sign me up! i'm ready for it now!
it's really nice to see someone so plugged into happiness like that in the
midst of all the agony on this planet.
it makes me realize it is possible to be in a state of joy in the midst of
all the pain here.
and i think this planet desperately needs more of that.
just watching him i felt my energy levels raising! it was exilerating and
hopeful :)
i want to radiate joy like that. i want to be a beacon of joy!
and if people call me bat shit insane for it, then so be it :)
call me an overly romantic idealist
new age fruit. i don't care.
i love to see people happy and things working out for people.
i get enough heartache watching the news.
let me see something GOOD happening to someone.
2 gifs i saw of tom cruise on oprah. of course when you take these movements out of context it makes him look strange :)
both oprah and tom were laughing their
asses off here :)
you have to remember they are friends!
2:46am
when i wake up i will add text of
the history of some of these things.
for now, i just want to get these up for you.
it might be nice for you to just view these without knowing much about them
before i add the info anyway.
and then to view them later when i have the info up for a new perspective
:)
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swede hollow |
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"lowertown depot" it was a standard oil warehouse |
all the soil in contaminated here because of it |
 this was to become the natio'ns largest sustainable eco village |
i wonder why it didn't happen? |
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this cool dead tree! |
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 this happened by accident |
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this bunny was in front of the cave |
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this cave is where people who "rode the rails" would stay |
it's blocked off and cemented shut |
but you can still see "montana bill 1917" scrawled into the cave |
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we climbed up there! |
up here was so cool! |
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it had a neat hole to climb through :) |
someone made their initial in gum |
argh. |
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you can see this woman here sitting on the rock to get an idea of the scope of this place |
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the hole as seen from the other side |
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pure sand up there. |
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a little kid whacking at the soft sandstone with a stick. |
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i left my name, too. |
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me in the hole. |
looking at at it all. |
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here is the cave sealed shut. |
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"sacred house |
it's been virtually destroyed :( |
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i crawled up to the top of the mouth. this is me looking down. |
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the sidewalk that goes nowhere |
i think this is where the fish hatcheries used to be |
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someone's sock |
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stairs that go nowhere |
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 a car seat and an old bonfire. lots of cnas of beer strewn all over thre place. |
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more stairs that go nowhere |
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just one of this cities many portals to other dimensions :) |
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who knew electricity was mean? |
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the flooded roads |
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1:31am
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second to last picture. an ancestor?
the picture is credited to my grandmother.
last pic, the book the pic came from which was written by my grandfather,
gulbrand loken.
which sent me on a search again for things that are loken.
my mom knows all about our family history, but i won't be talking to her any
time soon :/
found a lady on the net who thought she made up the "baby name"
of loken. so i emailed her and told her it was actually already a name.
i've often thought of changing my last name to loken before i changed it to
voog.
i do get emails sometimes from voog people who think i might be a relative
of them.
i should have written back especially to find out about this other "ana
voog" who was born in 1916
i went on a search because my interest was peaked again when tonight on the local news they were talking about "the kensington runestone"
it seems the vikings/norsemen were
here in minnesota at 1362, according to the stone.
actually lots of evidence of them being here way before that.
very very interesting!
and it seems they were maybe one
of the original "knights of templar"
who were being persecuted at the time and maybe came over here to escape that.
brought me to this interesting page
on vikings here
too bad it comes from a site about "white power".
yuck.
i also thought there might be a connection
between loken and a "god" from their mythology named "loki"
which took me
to this weird page
so much to investigate!
it's the full moon tonight!
when it rose and was at the horizon, it was HUGE and orange!
now i am 1/2 listening to c2c
+++
from
http://itsalllove.com/starry_eyed/starry_eyed.html
Moon Week Sagittarius thru Pisces
The lunar week runs Sagittarius thru Pisces. Moonday is a full Moon day, see
kNEW mOOn for the fortnight flow. So Monday is a day where plans of travel
in the mind, heart and body, make themselves known even if you weren't planning
them. It's the difference between a journey and taking a trip, traveler of
life or a tourist.
It gives Sagittarius a charge all week, so Gemini and the fire signs -Aries,Leo,Sag- will get special bursts off of it. The establishing of a plan always requires more weeding out ideas and concepts then making them. This week exposes root aspects of the personal and collective that is not in harmony with the stated goals. It can be a deeply effective time to sweeten our attitude by discovering where we look for the salt in our life. Obsession and worry are generators of mental and emotional 'salt'.
At the end of the week as the moon slips into Aquarius the opening of possibilities makes for a brainstorming weekend. Let the options role out, fantasize, play 'what I would do if I won the lottery'. At the end of it carve with the chisel of reality and find simple basic acts and beliefs that can be done right now to give you that feeling. Want is a symptom of a lack of gratitude.
Full moON
May 23th '05
This full moon has the Sun in Gemini
and the Moon in Sagittarius. It brings together a one pointed vision with
the ultimate in duality. Sounds like it could get messy but really it's a
chance to see what forces we are generating that hold us back from the journeys
and voyages of the heart, mind and body that we want to take.
So often the internal judge is the harshest, even the most confident egos
are under a barrage of self-sabotage. In this waning lunar cycle we can detect
these parts of us; we can convert or banish them, the third option of staying
oblivious never brings bliss. Saturn and Pluto are in aspect during the Full
Moon so these adjustments can have long lasting influence. This is the window
to your charming, graceful, issue free self for the summer.
The sky is full of planets in air signs and as the week moves on we all begin having revelations on personal and social scabs. The first shock is seeing a problem or issue that was unnoticed. Not rushing to a simple solution can flip it so you see it fresh, slowly they always unravel, and it's the nature of things in motion, even thoughts, to come to rest.
With Mars and Venus square, Mercury trine Neptune and the Full moon moving through the pattern, details of the internal weave we all have with the masculine and feminine principle come prominent. The famous Yin and Yang are depicted swirling, they are in motion, balance is a single slide in the whole movie. In these churning waters of the moon we can learn to flow with balance rather that try and stand on it. The body and mind are a reflection of the heart; if we can adjust that emanation all we have to do is clean the mirror not change the reflection
May the Full moon keep dis- from your ease?
Aries:
This fire moon is just what you need.
It's a more refined energy and so use it's efficient forces to straighten
up the cave, make lists of what your optimum summer would be and plant some
food for next month, even if it's just basil on the windowsill. You need to
watch the birth and maturation of things this week. The weekend is going to
bring you a glimmer of things to come if you can tune to this deep cellular
cycle in us all. The Jupiter opposite your sun thing is giving you a peek
into the nature of expansion, and one thing we know is nature loves harmony,
and then things grow effortlessly. So sink into how much force it takes to
sprout, grow, mature and seed. None if you're in the flow.
+++
Horoscope for Aries (May 24 2005)
Circumstances will be very unusual with your finances or the money matters of someone to whom you are close. Handle any joint financial ventures with kid gloves. This is not the time to criticize what others do.
and
Slightly out of focus
This is a very poor day for doing any work that requires disciplined thinking
and precision. The world looks like an impressionist painting today, slightly
out of focus and emphasizing large patterns of color and shadow. Work with
numbers of strict logic will be especially affected. If you do this kind of
work today, check it over for errors in a couple of days. Almost certainly
there will be some mistakes. Communications today will be especially difficult.
Even when you and another person are trying to be very clear, you may have
misunderstandings. This is a poor influence for any important discussions
about business or personal matters. Even if you are sure that you are speaking
clearly and honestly, make sure that others are treating you the same way.
and
You are less irritated today as you
settle in to a state of tentative satisfaction. This may not last long, but
an easygoing attitude can help you accept things the way they are. Disillusionment
may return soon enough, but there's really nothing to do about it today other
than enjoying what you have. Even if your life looks good now, push yourself
mentally to prepare for what is coming up next.