| may
15th , 2005 |
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i guess the central american survivor
one has already been cast :(
if i try out for survivor now...i do not know to which location will be the
next one.
arrrrrrrrrrrgh. sadness.
+++
stream of consciousness word thing:
ode to tylenol pm
make every bite count
like a caribbean rum ball
coconut coco puff coocoo clock time of day
endorphin rush in a humid pool
lazy chairs liquify before my eyes
watered down echo sugar rush
blushing bingo playing bartender's bastard
cuban cigar sickly sweet swirls around my cylinders
black eyed susan's smoking lily
i wave to the train conductor in the
big red metal rhinocerous squealing on the tracks heavy with coal
"blah blah is gay" spray painted on the side, headed to alberta
snow in may
the dandelions have turned white now
little snowballs that float away
make a wish
10:05pm
dang, the next survivor is going
to be in the Guatemala and the survivors are going to be living in mayan ruins!
i've been WAITING for them to do that. ooooooooooo!
i almost want to apply for that one! oooo *thinking*
sounds like a scary place for foreigners, tho!
if i was there with survivor do u
think i would be any more safe?
and are there insects there like mosquitos that are going to eat me alive?
i can handle tarantulas and snakes and large beetles or whatever.
but small things like mosquitos that bite you and make you itch could drive
me insane.
6:53pm
oh sadness.
debbie stoller (stitch n bitch) officially (form letter) told me that my submissions
for her upcoming book are rejected.
bah :(
oh well.
at least i am making it into other
books. and that is good :)
and someday i will make a book of my own.
4:27pm
3:49pm
finally got around to answering the questions for this interview pinkveneer asked of me for her crochet lab
Your fantasy/idea of crochet's beginnings...
you'd think i would have
something to say about this, but, strangely, i don't!
but whoever came up with it, i would sure like to personally thank them!
who knew something so simple could yield infinite combinations of results?
just with a stick and string? genius!
Ana Voog and Pluckyfluff: your introduction to Lexi's yarn?
i discovered pluckyfluff's
yarn on ebay when i was searching for handspun.
and i was completely captivated immediately! i had never seen yarn like that
and it opened up a whole new world for me! she was my inspiration to take
up spinning!
Any rituals to start/finish projects?
i do like to take the yarn i am going to use and make it into a perfect sphere by hand. by this process, i get to know each inch of the yarn before i create something with it, and it helps me to get a feeling for what the yarn wants to be :) and then it's so pretty afterwards, too, because i have a total orb fetish. sometimes i like the yarn so much as an orb, it's hard for me to want to create anything else with it!
Yarn ends: tucked in or left loose?
you know, i am still struggling with what to do with those damn ends! i try to tuck them in as much as i can :)
Any favorite tools?
just the crochet hook
and a pair of nice stainless steel scissors :)
i like wooden crochet hooks best because they just feel so nice in my hand.
i like to think that the crochet hook, itself, contains within it certain
"frequencies/codes/vibrations" that adds to whatever it is i am
making. and then the yarn itself has a "frequency", and then I have
a "frequency", and then they day and the hour has it's own, too.
so when you combine all of these elements together, it defines what kind of
"soup" i'll be making that day :) for instance an ebony hook with
white mohair might yield different results than a plastic hook with the same
mohair. but then again, i am kind of a new age freak with a big imagination
and it's fun to think these things, whether they be true or not :)
When you start a project, do you start with a yarn/yarns, color, texture,
a specific request of yourself, a feeling...?
when i 1st start a project
i am most likely to go with colour first.
like if on a day i am feeling earthy, i will pick up some earthy coloured
yarn.
if i'm feeling really firey, i will be more drawn to pick up red yarn.
i usually have many projects going at once because the colours i want to work
with change daily with my moods. it's really difficult for me to crochet a
yarn that is not a colour i am resonating with that day.
then the yarn, itself, will dictate to me what it wants to be.
so if i am in a fanciful mood i will pick a yarn that wants to be fanciful.
if i am in a more utilitarian mood, i will go with a plainer yarn.
Describe the beginnings of a project. (And while we're at it, the
"middle"
and "end", too.) Or maybe, just take us on a project journey, either
the
feelings evoked in you, or IF/HOW you know something is at a particlar
point; the various awarenesses that you have along the way.
well, i kind of started
to explain the beginning of it in the previous questions.
1st i ascertain what the yarn wants to be. then i choose the yarn which resonates
most with how i feel that day...happy, sad, daring, elaborate, simple, crazed,
illogical, focused...
and i have many projects going on at once to suit so i can jump back and forth
between them depending on how i am feeling day to day. and then i sometimes
i have a basic idea of waht i want it to be. but really basic. like i will
know i want it to be big or small, elaborate or simple, lopsided or symmetrical.
i will know if i want it to be more about strong shapes like tubes, orbs,
squares, or more ruffly and intricate like a piece of coral. and then i will
just start from there, but very often what i started will start just doing
it's own "thing" and surprise me and that is why i love freeform
crochet so much, because i am the one who is being surprised by what i am
making. if i could just make exactly what i see in my head, then i probably
would lose interest because then that is like reading a book you've already
read or seeing a movie you've already seen. a lot of times i get really stumped
and even disgusted by what i am making and i have to just put it away in a
drawer for a few months and then later on, sometimes my most hated things
end up being my favourite things when it is revealed to e months later how
i should finish them. sometimes 5 separate pieces might come together to form
one single piece. basically, i just don't know what on earth i'm doing, i
go by pure instinct.
You've mentioned undersea creatures as one of the influences on your hats.
Are these from photographs or TV, actual contact, imagination/dreams,
childhood memories, something else?
photographs and tv. i
wish i lived by the ocean!
i'm also very into plants and things, too. so i pay attention to roots and
how things sprout, and i love weird gourds and pumpkins. and when i am on
a plane i love to see how the look of the land from above seems to reflect
the inside of bodies. the meat section of the grocery store can be really
inpiring. like the other day i discovered tripe, which is cow stomache and
it looked like the most beautiul sea creature! and veins and layers of fat
look like rivers. i love how the macrocosm is the microcosm. it seems there
is beauty in everything, even in decay, death, and violence. i see the same
patterns everywhere, but no one pattern ever repeats itself, like snowflakes.
i think i like to make awkward organic looking hats because it's my way of
expressing being ok with the awkwardness i feel within myself. the awkwardness
and absurdity of life. like how gourds are so beautiful but so many of them
also look like deformities.
i did have a great dream about this giant onion and a giant potato that was
growing sprouts, and it was a dream about a future version of myself, and
i had these giant vegetables in my house on display as sculptures and now
i really want to make a potato hat with roots coming out of it.
yes, i'm weird.
Do you have an idea of how your reading/research influences your work?
everything i do influences everything i do!
What are you learning from crochet right now? Do you have any thoughts
about what you want to learn next?
i haven't crocheted much
this year, sadly, due to a bunch of personal family tragedies that really
sucked up a lot of my energy. but i'm trying to get back into the swing of
things now.
what i learn from crochet and keep relearning, is that i need to take things
one step at a time and to be patient. and that if i just keep making small
baby steps, one stitch at a time, i will eventually arrive somewhere. crochet
says to me, slow down and be in the "now". because now is all we
have.
i'd like to learn someday how to read patterns. but i don't kknwo if i ever will because my mind sort of shuts off when i have to concentrate in that way. but i'd like to just figure it out so i could make a really cool doily, just to learn from that kind of symmetrical kind of crocheting. i love lace and doilies and i sigh at the beauty of it and wish i had the discipline to make that sort of thing.
Do you do anything (teach, workshop, hang around) at The Minneapolis
Textile Center?
no, i haven't taught
anything yet. maybe i will someday.
i did take my spinning class with my fiber partner-in-crime, fuzzybumblebee
:)
she teaches things there. you should interview her next!
i might write a book about freeform crochet someday and just teach that way.
Tell us something about your spinning adventures. Specifics: how did you
learn, what did you note at the beginning (joys, frustrations?), things
you noticed as you progressed. Do you still spin? Doyou do any dyeing?
ah, i just answered that
question in the previous questions :)
but basically, again, fuzzybumblebee and i were so inspired by pluckyfluff's
yarn that we had to learn!
so we took a class at the textile center :)
i love to spin, but haven't been doing much of that either. i think because
the things i want to crochet need very thin even yarn, at this time, because
i am into making these very intricate shapes, and thin even yarn is best for
that. and when i spin, i couldn't make a thin even yarn to save my life :)
but yes, i will always spin. it's very relaxing! i find that i can never sell
what i spin, tho, because i am just too curious to crochet with it myself!
i don't dye because i live in a really small apartment and i dont have anywhere
to make that big of a watery mess, especially with my 3 little dog around.
but i did dye some stuff with koolaid once in my bathtub and that worked out
really well!
if i ever live in a bigger place, i would LOVE to get into dyeing all my own
fiber. especially since i have a very difficult time finding the PERFECT shade
of red which i desire so much.
Commissions: do you enjoy them, and if so, why? What is the process;
do
people ask for a specific thing? If so, how do they define what it is that
they want, or do they leave it up to you? Do you agree on a price/trade
beforehand?
so far, i haven't really enjoyed
doing commissions. i get really stressed out that it won't be good enough
or won't meet the expectations for the person i am making it for, and that
kind of paralyzes me.
and also because i can't make the same thing twice and a lot of the time people
want a reproduction of soemthing i have made previously.
although i do have things in my head i would like to make for certain people.
like i know exactly what i would want to make for bjork and i have this great
crocheted funky jumpsuit thing in my head for andre 3000 :) and if sun ra
were still alive, i certainly could have made him a LOT of outfits!
Have you ever worked on a project with someone else - say where they
crochet some, then you, or some variation of that?
yes, i've done this with fuzzybumblebee :) i love to do that :)
Is there someone in history or current times for whom you'd like
to design
a hat? If so, why and how would it relate to them?
oh funny, i am answering
your questions in previous answers :)
yes, bjork, andre 3000 (from outkast), and sun ra.
i just think what i do would look really great on them and i think they would
like it (i hope!).
i can't really explain it, because it's too complicated. you'll just have
to see it if i ever i make it!
What's the motivation in branching out to sewing?
i've been wanting to
sew for decades which is why i drag that machine with me everywhere and out
it in a place of prominence and why i drag 200 pounds worth of fabric with
me for the last several decades because i knew that SOMEDAY i would want to
sew really amazing things.
and the time for me to sew them , finally, is upon me now as the creations
are being solidified. or actually not the creations so much as the PROCESS
of the creations.
and it's because of crocheting and the process of crocheting which allowed me and taught me and brought me to this point, finally, where i am able to let go and not worry i am going to "ruin" my fabric by sewing something awful.
i see the process now where i do not see a final "creation" in my head but rather bits and pieces of things that perhaps will sort themselves out into garments (or something) in totally organic and intuitive way.
before i always thought
i have to see the finished piece in my head and then try and create that exactly.
and that is why for all these decades i could never start sewing.
because i cannot work that way. that paralyzes me.
Do you have a special feeling/relationship with mohair (or another fiber)
and why?
i really love mohair,
but then i also love silk and flax!
and tencel...and....chenille...
man, i just love so much about all those. i love themm all for different reasons.
i will always be drawn to touch the mohair 1st because i like things that
are fuzzy because it's so fun to touch! i'm still looking for the perfect
fiber for me.
what i actually want is something that will keep it's shape like acrylic,
but will not shrink or felt, and will still be soft, like silk. i will probably
have to buy myself a drum carder someday and come up with the perfect combination
of fibers for myself to do what i want.
You've talked about a certain red that you love. Can you convey to
us the
unique quality it has for you?
the perfect red is just
like sex to me when i find it.
it's the red that is the a coca cola can. a blueish red, not an orange red
or a burgundy red or a purpely or pinkish red. it's so hard to find! but when
i find it i just feel like yummmmmm. it's so powerful. it gives me strength
to see it. it kind of says to me "fuck me but don't fuck with me".
ha :) well, there is a little insight into the state of my mind right now
:)
Is there a mythical animal/creature's fiber you'd like to work with?
fuzzybumblebee asked
me this a few months ago. and i think my answer was...a osrt of alpaca type
creature with silver fur that is as strong as steel, and keeps it's shape
like wire, but it as soft as angora.
but part of it would be this special silver alpaca would live on a planet
were a certain plant would grow that had pods on it that would stick into
the alpacas fur like burrs, and if ever one of these pods would break open
a little pleasant sound would come out like a little "ooo" or "ahhh"
or "purrr", and so this would be part of the fiber because it would
be an intregal part of the fur you could not remove. so that after you crocheted
with it and wore whatever it is you made with it , oonce in awhile one of
these pods would break open and give off a little happy sound.
Your expression takes many forms. Is it always clear to you what
form
something needs to take? How do you know, if so? And if you've narrowed it
down to crochet at a particular space/time, do you further narrow it down
to hat/neckpiece, whatever, or do you let it tell you? If so, HOW does it
tell you?
it's not always clear. at first everything ended up being a hat even when i tried to make it into something else! i have about 3 sweaters i have been working on for the past year, but i never seem to finish them. i've made a lot of sleeves to things...that i don't know what they belong to yet. it just sees that so far almost everything i've made turns into a hat. i just don't have a clue why! if i dig any deeper into this question i might drive myself crazy. ha :)
You keep a crochet journal, "String Theory". Does this
serve as a record
of finished creations for you or is it more to record the process of
crochet while you're doing it or something else?
it's both. just a documentation of my process and also my finished projects and a way to share this with the public in case they are interested :) it's also my place to share links to other cool fibery things i've found. just a place to share information. btw, i just hate the word "fiber". we need to come up with a new word for it. everytime i say "fiber" i think of metamucil or something!
What's a HAT in the most special sense?
a hat is so many things.
it can be a crown, it can be beacon, it can be a thing you use for protection,
to hide, something to comfort, something to announce.
i think the main reason started making hats is just that i don't have to worry
about sizes so much.
usually the hats i make will fit just about everyone. i don't have to worry
about waist sizes or think about how tall someone is, etc. but i'm really
wanting to make some things that are not hats now. for instance, i've really
been getting into making collar things lately, now, like elizabethan type
collars. i also want to make a lot of coats, but those will take a long time
to make. i also have 2 big bedspreads i want to create.
Fashion/clothing: differences as you see them.
i don't really see the difference between these 2 things.
Do fashion shows let you see your creations in a different light than
when
they had been gathered in your studio? What do you learn from a fashion
show?
oh yes, it's very interesting
for me to see my hats on people as opposed to my mannequins.
they become different on each person who wears it. i also love to put my hats
on men and show men that they can break out and be more daring in their clothing
choices. i also love how people see themselves in a new light when they try
on my hats. when i put my hats on my models for the 1st time it was just a
joy to see them all giggling and going "wow" and seeing themselves
in this new way. a hat will transform you in the way a new haircut or wig
will. and to see people's definitions of who they are or who they could be
stretched as they try on one of my hats was an unexpected pleasure :)
when i put my "decontructing babar" hat on my male model agwa (you
can see that hat on my main hat page, he is the one big picture you see 1st)
i really saw that hat in a totally new way. all of a sudden it became this
regal crown for an african king, and i hadn't even considered it to be that
until i put it on him. when i put it on him i just took a few steps back and
went "wow!". that was a cool moment :) he was also very pleased!
You've mentioned dust as one of the things you like. What's DUST?
dust, just ordinary dust. it's fascinating to think of all it contains, all the particles from all around the world from all the things. cars, dogs, couches, shoes, skin, fish, pollution...just all combined together. it's everything returning to a primitive state before it begins the cycle of life again. and it's a nice word. it sounds like it is.
Do you feel yourself to be part of a crochet/artist community or
do you
feel more solitary? Benefits of either?
i feel solitary mostly. i've always been that way. it's like i am always SORT of a part of "something" but i'm always on the fringe of it, never really a part of it. like in high school i had a friend in every clique but wasn't a part of any one clique. i never really fit in anywhere completely. i'm always the oddball on the outskirts. not by choice. i'd like to belong to something. that would be wonderful! maybe someday i will find my tribe or my tribe will find me? i hope so. that would feel nice :)
Do you ever have to deal with the overly critical, negative voice in the
head while crocheting/designing a hat? If so, what are some of the ways
you've worked with it?
oh surely. often i'm
just like "what on EARTH or you making? this thing is INSANE looking
and not in a GOOD way." the way i deal with it is to not take myself
to seriously and to have a good sense of humour in everything i do. everything
i make doesn't have to be some sort of masterpiece or even be "good".
and if i DO end up making something i feel is pointless and ugly, it's hardly
the end of the world, you know? it's about the process, not the destination.
you learn from everything and then just keep moving on.
my world will not end because i made an ugly hat :) and sometimes it's ugly
things that are the most endearing, anyway...i mean look at the duckbilled
platypus! what's up with that thing? but heck, the world is a much better
place that it exists! i laugh my ass off whenever i see one and laughter is
the best medicine :)
1:07pm
i have a bit of a period headache
today. took some excedrin but that made my stomache kind of gurgly and i still
have my headache.
it's another grey day, of course. 50 degrees. but no rain.
jason and i are going to go for a walk at 5. i'm so glad because i really
need to walk!
i'm listening to my favourite 80's radio station on live365 (generation 80's
retro)
just doing little stuff trying not to fall behind on things. anacam biz.
went through my email and deleted a ton of stuff that i am just never going
to back to or figure out how to sort it.
i'm so bad at organizing my email. and my box gets so full that i end up not
being able to find anything.
figured out the exact day when is the last day my mom could contest the restraining
order which is may 29th.
so it's getting closer to that day.
i don't think she is going to. but i will be really happy when i have reached
that day and she hasn't because then i will know for SURE that this thing
is over with (legally) for at least 2 years.
still haven't written a letter to the chief about my gun.
i'll do that this week.
i just realized i've completely forgotten about the anapix contest for the
last several months.
maybe i should resurrect that.
so i'm just trying to get little things like that done today.
and if i have the energy, i would like to make all the anapix ever made that are in here onto photobucket or something to try and save money on storage on my server. right now i pay $100 a month in overstorage fees and i have to get that back down to ZERO. i don't even know how many pictures i can put up on photobucket with a free account.
so much to do so much to do.
and i want to add some pink to my
hair because it's getting a little too orangey for my tastes. i love orange
but it doesn't look so great with my skin tone.
i wish it didn't cost so much money
to get your tubes tied. and i wish it wasn't major surgery.
it costs between 1,000 to 2,500 i found out. *sigh*
i would really love to get my tubes tied.
i also wish i had the money to get
my breasts down to a size B and have them be silicone instead of saline.
saline is so not very soft. big android breasts are cool, but i'm kind of
wanting something new.
my implants are now 9 years old. and it's kind of starting to make me paranoid
as to how long they will last.
i think 10 years is the basic life span of them. although i guess they could
last forever, i'd just feel more comfortable if i could have some new ones.
i'd also like to be able to wear a tank top and not get freakish stares when
i do.
i think i'm over my "wanting to look like a cartoonish blonde bombshell"
mode. that was seriously fun to play around with for 10 years.
but now i'd like to be more...i don't know what is the word...subdued? european?
high fashion?
no those words don't really describe it. but something around there. androgynous?
but then again, my breasts ARE the perfect size if i want to my bust to be
equal to my hips.
so maybe i should just leave well enough alone.
well, at this point i have no choice since i have zero money to play with
for this sort of thing.
still, it's fun to think about.
12:52am
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Horoscope for Aries (May 15 2005)
This could be a whole new start for you. Expand your ideas and you'll prosper. Let your imagination lead the way, and everyone will wait to see what you'll do next.
and
Getting things done
This is an excellent time for getting things done. You are in an orderly state
of mind and have a strong sense of self-discipline. You carefully consider
every move before acting. You make plans at a very concrete level and insist
that it be possible to execute them in the practical universe. You are not
interested in idealistic speculations or abstract considerations that cannot
be applied in daily life. All matters relating to work or your profession
are favored by this influence, precisely because of your orderly mental state.
Any tasks that you do today will be very carefully done with no loose ends.
It is possible that your serious and attentive attitude to your work will
attract the attention of your employer or other persons in authority whom
you encounter.
and
Things look good, but there are conflicts beneath the surfaces of appearance.
As your key planet, Mars, aligns with Uranus, the fireworks display begins.
The bank of fog clears. The dragons breathe emotional fury into your life.
Above all, remember that there is no danger from what you may feel. The danger
comes from trying to sidestep the issues.