april 27th, 2005
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6:22pm

wandering around aimlessly.
danced to prince.
made some jasmine green tea.
got 1/2 the pink peanuts back into the box now am going to work on the other 1/2.
ate a can of tuna.
comforted kiitos.
all my friends going through rough times.
wondering if they have cancer, a friend had a miscarriage, people on the verge of nervous breakdowns, deaths, breakups...
trying to be there as much as i can, in some small way for my friends while also trying to deal with my own stuff and just keep it together.

i wonder how my brother is doing in treatment.

ok, back to the peanuts.

listening to supertramp "breakfast in america"
of all strange things...and then sometimes the swans.

 

4:11pm

a media arts festival in australia wants me to do a cam performance for them in the same way i did for vancouver. they want to show the film then have me after to do the cam thing.
cool :)
this film is really going all over the world :)

and another book wants to have one of my hats in it.
more details later :)

3:55pm

today is the anniversary of sonia's funeral.
the 23rd was the anniversary of her death.

i'm burning frankinecense and it's floating out my window and mixing with the april snow.
Current Music: prince -sometimes it snows in april

2:29pm

the Web Cam Girls documentary is showing in Toronto's Hot Docs film festival this week, North
America's largest documentary film festival!

you can still download the film online by going to:
http://www.anacam.com
and clicking the link on that page :)

Aerlyn and the film were also the cover story in last weekend's Now Magazine in Toronto:
http://www.nowtoronto.com/issues/2005-04-21/cover_story.php

2:02pm

so many people i know are going through hard times right now.
either that or really hectic exciting challenges.
it's weird to read my friends page and see all the chaos going on.
april always brings this but it seems this april especially moreso.

1:29pm

i had dreams that were better.
one where i was in this chaotic place but was able to bust through the mob and make it up to these bathrooms where i rollerskated with finesse and ease in between all these different stalls with mirrors on them.
it's hard to explain.
and another where i was a very muscley sailor who was holding on to my iron ship that was 10 stories high.
i was holding on, riding it, on the outside of it, holding on to these metal rings, and it was also kind a trapeze thing.
also, hard to explain.
but 2 dreams that represent that i am feeling stronger and more in control which is good because today i need it.

last night instead of finally being able to zone out to trash tv i ended up having one of those "difficult discussions" that couples often go through, and we sorted and worked things out. but today we are both left with a bit of a stomache ache and i can't wait until he just comes home but he will probably have to work late as he is working on the last day of this big project that needs to end today.

he makes this giant portal things from the internet but also it's more than that because you can organize the portal exactly how YOU want it on your computer. it's extremely complicated beyond complicated.

anyway, i just want him home.

and i hope tonight i can watch my trash tv and zone out a bit because i am so emotionally exhausted from everything.

i don't think i could emotionally deal with driving to the south for a funeral this week.
i think fuzzy might go with her to hasil's funeral.

i am so so so so so so so so ultra drained.

but i know i am gaining strength at the same time because of my dreams.

but i am running a marathon right now and making huge shifts in my life in all areas.
everything is shifting and booming and moving around inside of me and being rearranged.
it hurts. but i have to go through it and work with it because i have no other choice.
it's a do or die situation.

so i'm doing.

 

1:28pm

Horoscope for Aries (April 27 2005)

Be honest and follow your heart, and you won't go wrong. Your ideas are good, but you may try to follow through with too many of them. Concentrate on what interests you most.

and

Sudden urges
Weak, transient effect: This influence can have many different effects, some of which you should be quite careful of. To begin with, it encourages compulsive behavior; your emotions acquire so much momentum that it is difficult not to give in to sudden urges and impulses that may not be good for you in the long run, particularly if you have been trying to suppress your feelings. This influence is least difficult if you deal with your feelings honestly and do not try to hide them from yourself. On the plus side, however, this influence allows you to go inside yourself and find out what you really want in any situation. Emotional self-analysis is very effective now, as long as you are willing to be honest. Encounters with others may also force an emotional self- confrontation which is useful, even though possibly unpleasant.