april 24th, 2005
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10:37pm

one more post before i start getting ready for bed:

9:52pm

i wrote a huge thing here and then my macromedia dreamweaver crashed and i lost it all! so i hope i have the energy to say it all twice! these photos turned out nicer than i thought they would. i do like the way the landscape in the background adds some colour, although i love plain black and white, too. still, i think there is something more unique i could do with these, and i'll figure out what it is. i wish i could go to this place everyday and pick up all their x rays they are just going to throw out so i could come up with a spendid collection! like i need to collect more things when i'm trying to get RID of things! you can see in there somewhere the animal (i can't discern what kind) ate a whole lotta white things that are roundish. in case you didn't know, things that are the most white are the most dense, so bones are the whitest. things like lungs will be more black because they are filled with air. if you see black spots in the intestines that might be because the animal has gas :) ha :) i love these x rays, i wish i knew more what to look for and to know what things are. there is one where i did a close up on something that looked like a chain in the leg, it was hard to know what that was. there is still so much detail in these i just wasn't able to capture. some of these animals look like they might be reptiles or ferrets? i can't tell! even tho they are all so interesting and beautiful they all make me sad because i know they are animals that are probably quite uncomfortable, in pain, or at least very nervous. some you can see their little tails between their legs. but at the same time they make me happy because the people loved their pets so much that they rushed them to the emergency room and paid for x rays. also, to see the design and delicateness of the bodies is so simply perfect, i am in awe. the little claws and toes, the spines and tails, their little inside bits and squished in there. i highlighted one in grey that particularily love because the rib cage is like a conical vortex. it looks like some sort of thing tesla could make. some sort of energy spiral. and look how empty it is inside...and then...boom, thing creature had this MASSIVE stomache full of all it's insides and whatever else and maybe it was just fat? i have idea. but it was beautiful and comical..this perfect conical ribcage and then this big puffy belly full of "stuff". and it's beautiful little feet. i'll take photos of pooka's x rays soon so you can see , also, what a delicate little beast he is through and through :) i have to think of a way to frame or display pooka's x rays and the ones of deiter from awhile ago. i wish i could take x rays of myself. i want to know what i look like inside. btw, the R stands for "right" and the L stands for "left"

i found the wishbone in my soup the other day :)

silver paint to cover bruise.
good thing i like glam!

 

8:23pm

these are just those photos from my cam. and then i decided i wanted to take photos of the xrays with my digital camera for better quality, so part way through i switched to that. and then 1/2 way through that i realized the screen in my window was adding this extra texture to things that i didn't like. so i moved the screen up and took more without the screen. all in all, it as kind of frustrating because i just didn't capture these in the way that i wanted.
it was just one of those days where i was forcing myself to be creative in hopes that i would get myself moving in life again, but it wasn't one of those "on" days. so...these photos are what they are.
i'm going to screw around with the digital ones to see if i make them better.
i just wish i had one of those things that that doctors have to view xrays so i wouldn't have had to put them on my window. sometimes the landscape added a new dimension, and sometimes it was just distracting.
maybe i will play with these xrays in a new way some other day when i figure out what the trick is to capturing them.
some of the animals i couldn't tell if it was a lizard or a ferret or a..?
mostly i couldn't tell if anything was wrong with the animal but there was one in there where i was like WTF did this thing eat?? it was like it's poor belly was DEFINITELY full of something that should not be there. looked like marshmallows or cotton balls but it was as dense as bone..so..anyway. ouch!

 

8:10pm

i forgot to mention that when i was at the animal hospital and we went go to pick pooka up, i not only got pooka's xrays but a ton of xrays of other animsla that no one wanted :)
i didn't take photos of pooka's xrays yet but i did take photos of the others ones today and i'm working on those right now to get them up to you.

12:40pm

by jacqui

i'm feeling a lot better today.
i forgot to put that cool anapic by jacqui in here, so i'm putting it in here now.
thanks jacqui :)

i had this really creepy dream that i was sleeping up in an attic bedroom and my brother was there and he was still a little kid.
and then projected on my wall came this very scary scrawled message from this past boyfriend of mine who i can't even name because i hate him so much i don't even want to say his name.
i met him when i was mixing anavoog.com
we only went out for 5 months and it was a long distance thing but by the end he became very psychotic and threatened to kill me.
it was truly a frightening experience and sometimes i look up his name on the next to see if he is alive because i always wish that he was dead so i could just know he isn't on this planet anymore and so be less afraid.

but in my dream it was this handwritting message that had his initials on it and then some of th sentences were upside and said things like i love and and you know you still love me and want me. and just creepy things that made me know he was delusional and maybe going to come and get me and hurt me somehow.
and i couldn't figure out where the projecor was that could possibly be projecting this onto my wall.
i looked through my window and looked into the neighbourhood and looked at all the houses trying to figure out from which house he might be projecting this. and couldn't see anything.
all of sudden thee was a huge party outside and a bunch of frat guys were down there making a huge amount of noise, and i thought, fuck, it 3am, wh are they all outside being such jerks, and they offered me vodka or whatever i wante to drink, but i had no interest in partying with them or drinking anything, all i wanted to know is how this thing was being projected upon my wall.

and then all of a sudden EVERYone was out in the street as if everyone had arisen at 3am. and i figured out that it was easter. and everyone was mexican, and it was their way they celebrated easter was to come outside and feast at 3am. and i thought that was really odd. and there were colourful xmas lights decorating everyone balconies and people were laugh and celebrating easter.

all of this was confusing to me because i didn't know it was easter, nor did i know about this mexican ritual of getting up at 3am to celebrate it.

no one paid any attention to me or could answer my question about the projection and no one cared. they were just all happy.

when i turned away from the window looking at the festivities, i realized that all 5 digital alrms clocks in that room where all blinking nonsensical patterns as if they were all possessed. and i just felt like something very demonic was going on.

and my brother was scared too,

so we went down the hall to wake up my dad and tell him what was going on.
and he was sleeping underneath plastic sheets with cartoons on them. almost like shower curtians for kids. and i was like wtf?
but we woke him and tried to explain to him but by then the projection wasn't there anymore and i was pissed that i hadn't taken a photo of it to document that it had really happened and i wasn't just hallucinating.

and then i had a whole bunch of other dreams too but i can't remember them now.

so when i woke up i had to to a search on his initials the way they were scrawled in my dream..
which was either:
DV IM
or DL SM
or DV SM
i can't remember the right combination.
he actually doesn't have a S or a V or an I in his name, in real life.
or maybe it was DI SM
or DL IM
i don't know. i can't remember.
i thouht that by googling any of that it migth make me understand my dream better, but it didn't.
anyway. yuck. creepy.

 

Horoscope for Aries (April 24 2005)

A sudden change in your financial situation is apparent. An older relative may pose a problem for you. Do the best you can to help, but don't let anyone make you feel guilty for something you have no control over.

and

lazy streak
Weak, transient effect: Tonight this influence brings about pleasant feelings between you and everyone around you. It is a good time for being with friends or out having a good time. You enjoy everyone around you and they enjoy you. Similarly you will enjoy good food and drink now, but be careful not to overdo it. During this time you will tend to take things into yourself, so it is easy to overindulge. This is not a good time for getting very much work done, because it often brings out a lazy streak. One exception to this is that you may feel like working to beautify or otherwise improve your home. You need beautiful surroundings, and you will work to get them. This is a good time for love relationships. This influence by itself is too fleeting to start a major relationship, but it certainly is a help.