april 4th, 2005
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7:42pm

went out for a walk with jason but it was a nightmare because it was so windy and i wasn't wearing my walkman, the wind really did something weird to my ears and for the way back for 1/2 an hour they rang a high pitched sound while cars on the highway during rushhour made more horrible noise and made the noise in my ear worse, which made me feel disoriented and dizzy which made me have an anxiety attack.
god, i am such a toy poodle sometimes, i swear. i can't help it!
but all this made me know i definitely have pms because sounds are grating on me like a bat in a bell tower.
i was going to watch the HORRIBLE unauthorized mork and mindy movie that is on in 20 minutes, but instead jason is taping it for me because we have to watch this other movie that his friend gave him because he needs it back tomorrow because his friend hot it from the library.
it's got jack lemmon in it as a priest and it's from the 80's. it's called "mass appeal". hmmmm.
that sounds terrible, too. but we'll see.
after our walk we went to the japanese restaurant where i had some edamame and some spinach in a sesame sauce. yum! i needed some veggies.

kat sent me a package i just got with a FABULOUS mohair hat!!!!!!!
and some of the most twisted felted things i have ever seen. and a clay penis or thumb. a penis thumb inchworm and 2 clay fetuses? kat you are out of your mind :) i love you :)
and sparkly things! and fantastic bits cut out from vintage magazines, polaroids, the most hilarious little "convert to jesus" magazine i have ever seen!
and just so much more. i have to go through it all again. what a happy and demented package :) right up my alley!
and some YARN! homemade by her. purrrr :) she spoils me!
ok, off to watch this movie now jason is here and so i cannot type anymore.

4:14pm

fried egg sandwhich.

jason is on his way home and then we are going to go for a walk.

3:03pm

i'm glad i woke up to red red hair again. i need that perfect shade to feel really me right now.
i had dreams i was in some level of hell. strangely it wasn't all that much different than here except there it was less laws and nto as many people stopping anything bad from happening.
i tried to make the best of it.

i remember dying because i snapped my neck as i feel out of a tree i was climbing.
at least that is how i assumed i died. it happened so fast that i was out of my body i wasn't really sure what had happened. and i floated away from earth too fast for me to go back and inspect my body to see what had happened or to say goodbye to anyone.
very frustrating.

it's 73 degrees outside now!
so i HAVE to get outside!
it's also very windy.

i don't feel very motivated today, but i am still getting the basics done.
yesterday my mind was going way too fast for me, it was like i was having all these ephiphanies about things, but they were all happening so fast that i couldn't even really get a grasp on it all.
like pieces to the puzzle flying by me so fast, i couldn't grab onto anyone piece.
my brain was just going sooooo faaaast! it was cool but at the same time just too much. it was like i was plugged into some giant information station of the universe but i didn't have the right converter to really take advantage of all the information that was coming through. i had no translation for it. it came through in ones and zeros and wasn't linear at all. it was pieces and chunks of things all mixed together. i tried to grab as much as i could and just stick it in a box in my mind to peruse through later.
it was kind of like if bits of paper was flying through the air and all i could do is hold a box into the air and hope that some of those pieces of paper got caught in the box, like butterflies in a net.
i'll have to check in and see how many butterflies i caught at a later date.
a lot of it had to do with energy and how i choose to work with it, and what kind of energy i'm good at dealing with and what kind i'm not, and how this relates to why i don't like playing live and why i am not as famous as madonna.(because i simply couldn't HANDLE being as famous as she is! gah!) ha :) and then all this threading back to things in my past. and i was getting an overview of it all and a chance to reconsider a lot of things. like DO i want to play live again ever...and what kind of relationship so i want with my "audience"? and a lot of these questions are stired from watching that documentary on jandek and then the one about metallica.
and looking at how these very different people work with energy.
just all really fascinating. but too much for me to articulate now.
my brain seems to have slowed down considerably today.
and i'm just going to try to not think that much today because i went on thinking overload yesterday.
and i don't think i could make much sense of anything today anyway.

i must pay rent.
and send a cheque to my server.

+++

Personal Daily Horoscope of Monday, 4 April 2005
for Ana Voog, born 18 April 1966

Distorted views
Weak, transient effect: Today during the day fancies and illusions may become more important than reality. With some people this takes the form of simple daydreams, which are not likely to be a problem. After all, daydreaming is quite harmless. This is not a good time to make decisions or to embark upon a course of action that requires clear thinking. Subconscious influences are often very strong during this time, and they can distort your views in just about any area. Old points of view, habits picked up in childhood, prejudices ­ all can mislead you under this influence. People with an alcohol or drug problem may have difficulty with this influence. It gives everyone a strong desire to leave the real world, which strengthens some people's dependence on drinking or drug taking.