march 20th , 2005
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3:35pm

i really wish i'd start to feel better. this is a weird cold. i am not very stuffed up or anything.
it's more like i just feel really heavy and uneasy and slightly nauseous and i can't get the temperature right and i have no desire to eat and i'm super anxious and tired yet antsy.
and i have no attention span and all of this is making me depressed.
i have no energy to clean or wash my hair. and i don't want to lay in bed either, but that is all i can seem to do.
i really hope i gte well soon, because there is so much i need to be getting done and i'm just not.

i started making that chicken soup days ago but never finished it.
i'm just going to go to the store for some cokes and campbell's soup.
i hope i can eat some soup.

i just watched a documentary of divine and john waters which was good.
and we also watch i heart huckabees which was VERY cool!

for the past few days i have been saving all the photos from isabellacam.com because i saw that her domain had expired and i felt the site was going to be gone soon. that took me hours and hours and i still didn't get everything. but i did get a lot. it toook me hours and hours and hours just to save the photos. i didn't get to save the movies or any of her journal entries.

i thought about renewing her domain for her simply because i couldn't deal with some jerk getting it and then making it forward to some nasty teen porn site or something else really awful.
and jason advised me not to do it because he said she might resent that. but after thinking it over for hours i decided that i would take that chance because i think she put way too much of her soul into that site for the that domain to just end up forwarding to some awful place. so i renewed it.

and a guy named shane, who was isa's business partner (and it is his contact info on that domain), emailed me today and thanked me for doing that. and so i am glad i made the right decision. and he is going to pay me back for renewing it.

but isabellacam.com is no more now. all it does is go to a networksolutions site that let's you know that the domain is registered and "under construction".

i don't know if shane took isa's site down or if isa did.

but it's gone now. and i'm sad she never said goodbye.

but i'm glad that the domain name is in a good hands with shane.

(edit: ok, shane got back to me and said that the under construction thing is just a weird gliche happening with internic right now.
her site should be back up later.)

 

10:10am

Horoscope for Aries (March 20 2005)

You will have some unique ideas that should help you get what you want. Take a trip down memory lane or visit with old friends. An old hobby may interest you again, but from a different standpoint.

and

Led to excess
This is usually an agreeable time, in that you feel well and enjoy the company of others. It is good for doing anything that you really enjoy, as long as there is nothing that you have to do. You are likely to have very little self- discipline. In fact, you are likely to indulge yourself in many ways that may not be good for you. Also be careful if you go shopping. Do not buy anything unnecessary, unless you have some surplus cash. There is a tendency to buy expensive things, especially jewelry, fine clothes and art objects. On the other hand, if you proceed with some discipline and know what you are doing, you can make some excellent investments at this time. Avoid doing anything on impulse, because although your mind is capable of making good decisions, your emotions are likely to lead you to excess.

+++

i thought if i fucked myself silly last night it might make me feel less anxious and sick. i dunno, sexual healing and release and all that.
and i guess it kind of worked for a minute, but not really because today i still feel like absolute crap.

jason is going to come over and we are going to watch movies in bed.

i hope these pix will make it up to you for my cam being so boring these last few days: