march 19th , 2005
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6:26pm

one happy thing, one sad thing.
1st the happy thing, beautiful yarn from pluckyfluff. i will snuggle it all night long.

sad thing, but thing that will help me, letter from my psychiatrist to help me get the restraining order
(still haven't heard back from my dad about my 2nd email to him...it figures. i should be used to it by now)

letter from shrink:

dear ms. olson,

this letter is to document that you are my patient. in the time since i have last seen you, you have increased stress related to what appears to be intrusive and harrassing contact from your mother, <name withheld>. psychiatrically, the effects of have been that you are sleeping less, you have had more anxiety, tearfulness, and you have had lower concentration. the effects of this have been weight loss and inability to function at your profession.
i have worked with you for approximately seven years and this increase in symptoms appears to be realated to the contact with your mother.

sincerely,

dr. <name withheld>

seeing this letter in my hand made me cry. i cannot express how it feels to see it in it's concrete form and to know that this is the letter to seal the door between my mother and i.

but i have been seeing my dr for 20 years, not 7. and i haven't had weight loss because of my mom, but i do weigh less since last time i saw him. but no matter, it's the other things that are more importnat, lack of concentration and inability to function to my full potential at my profession. also he forgot to add "seething anger" but i guess i wasn't exhibiting my seething anger when i was in his presence, i was just "tearful", which i was.

anyway ...difficult.

and so now i am going to take some more sudafed to help my runny nose and watch movies with jason.

 

5:44pm

 

5:30pm

i don't feel well today.
i'm sick, anxious, and depressed.
so i don't have much to say.

+++

Horoscope for Aries (March 19 2005)

Things won't be as straightforward as you think. Don't rush, or you will make an error that will be hard to correct. Rely on your past experience when you come up against a problem.

and

A pleasure trip
Valid during several weeks: This would be a good time to see an art exhibit that challenges your preconceived views about what is beautiful. Probably this will be entertaining rather than unsettling, and you will experience something new. Or you might go to a concert that features music entirely different from anything you have ever heard. This influence can signify a long and enjoyable pleasure trip. You will derive the most benefit from a trip to a place you have never seen before, where you can encounter something totally new. This is a fine time for a vacation. Your experience may be broadened through a loved one who shows you new things. Or something may happen that will teach you more about your relationship, not to disturb you but to increase your insight.