february 28th, 2005


 

10:18pm

i'm proud of myself for recovering so quickly from that.
i feel a lot stronger.

7:43pm

i'm feeling calmer. ate some food.
watching american idol. just trying to keep it light.
crocheting ducky's hat.

6:24pm

then wrote this:

well, i took those 2 posts down.
because that is just not my style.
i was just at my wits end and so angry.
a person can only take so much after years and years of torture and being backed into a corner.

i thought that by telling her i would post that it would finally make her leave me alone.
but when she did not leave me alone but only esculated her harrassment of me all it taught me is that not only does she not give a shit about me, she doesn't give a flying fuck about her family or her husband either and that her selfishness knows no bounds whatsoever.
wow. she really just gets off on hurting me. maybe it gives her a sense of purpose in her otherwise pitiful life.

but i am now working on getting a restraining order.
and then that will be that and i will have peace finally, i hope.

6:20pm

after i posted that (read this days entried from the bottom up to make more sense of it)
she retaliated by opening up her lj again, and then i retaliated posting this (but the post is down now in lj)

Monday, February 28th, 2005 05:10 pm


well, mother, i told you not to contact or harass me anymore.
and you have. you harrass me not even an hour later. you have no shame.
you have , in response to my post here:
http://ana.livejournal.com/1504450.html
, reopened your goddamn lj and started posting to me in it with more of your psychological warfare bullshit.
fuck you.

more background:
http://www.anacam.com/mother.html

here is the webpage to her husband's workplace (all public info)

Email:---
Personal
Website:---
Office:---

and here is her email, in case you want it: ---

as she writes privately to me in her journal:

"Now that the gates of hell have been opened I
think I at least deserve to know who J the pervert uncle is since I happen to
have two brothers whose names start with J. I am broken in pieces but what else
is new. On the other hand, you don't owe me anything but since you are putting
out a reference to a "pervert" uncle, it greatly concerns me. I am not the
least bit insane. Take another look at your rampage. It does not make any sense
concidering the true facts in the case. It seems you can't stand it that you
have a mom who loves you no matter what you do. I am not stalking you. It is
true that I have recently sent you some emails, about all sorts of things,
family history, thai dinners, being a mom. As I said, the last thing you said to
me before todays totally off the wall rant was that you wanted and needed me to
be a mom, to be your mom. I have not heard from you since then, and then I read
this rant. Get a grip on reality. And don't threaten me. These things will only
hurt you more. "

(bullshit)

i will now start the proceedings on getting a restraining order against her.
how do i start? where do i go?
i want to get this done with asap.

 

3:43pm

LOST IT.

took that post down, but i documenting it in here:

Monday, February 28th, 2005 03:13 pm


MOTHER!
leave me the fuck alone, you crazy selfish bitch!
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this has gone on for years now!!!
get a fucking clue!!!!!!

if you contact me ONE MORE TIME in ANY WAY WHATSOEVER i will
post right here the URL to your husband's public webpage for work which contains on it his office number! i'm sure he'd be SUPER happy to get phone calls at his esteemed college workplace about how YOU won't leave your daughter alone!! since he only seems to give a crap what you do online and how you treat me when it starts screwing with HIS life. well, you and he and your family can get a good dose of what you have been putting me through. ya, THEY can see how it feels to have their days ruined and their concentration at work and home shattered and their space invaded and boundries fuct with like how you have done to me. and see how happy that makes them and how happy that makes you when they come yelling at you for not leaving me alone! see how they all feel as they have to change their phone numbers and email addresses like *I* have had to in hopes to get away from you!

and i will post the urls to the webpages of all your family members that i know of! (ya, j. h. that means YOU, weirdo pervert uncle)

i'm sure steve and sharon and everyone will be mighty pleased with you when THAT happens.
it's up to you. all you have to do to avoid this from happening is STAY AWAY FROM ME. it's that simple.

i'm sure your husband and brothers and sisters and everyone would LOVE to know just how much you HARRASS and STALK me, YOU PSYCHO!!!!

i've reached the end of my rope!!!!

so fuck the hell off for once and for all!!!!!! or prepare for me to post steve's URL and phone number right here for all to see.

and i WILL do it. don't fuck with me.
sorry to take such drastic measures but you just will NOT leave me alone!!!!

and if THAT doesn't work i will get a RESTRAINING ORDER on you!!!

and believe me when i get it i will scan it and put it right up here for everyone to see that your own daughter had to get a restraining order on you because you were such a crazy psycho bitch you couldn't just STOP harrassing and stalking YOUR OWN DAUGHTER!!!
what is WRONG with you???

LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!!
I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU EVER IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER FOR THE REST OF YOUR FRIGGIN' LIFE!!

GOT IT???????????

i have done everything in my power to ignore you and block you at every chance i can.
i just sit here and try to live my life! i'm not doing ANYTHING to you!
but fucking a, you always find some new way to try and fuck with me.
and i'm just SICK TO DEATH OF IT. i'm not going to sit here and go through YEARS MORE of this bullshit! if you want to talk about it SEE A PSYCHIATRIST 'cause god knows you NEED one badly!!!
this HAS to end! so fucking KNOCK IT OFF AND GET A LIFE!!!
stop trying to pollute my life with your passive aggressive psycho babblings on that have no base in reality whatsoever!!! you are DELUSIONAL! and you are PATHETIC for being such a selfish fucktard with your mindtwisting psychobabble crazymaking steaming pile of bullshit blabberings! SHUT THE FUCK UP! SUCK IT UP AND MOVE ON! stop trying to drag me into it!

if you want to continue playing your little psychological warfare games with me at every chance you get, well, sweetie, you haven't even seen make take out my big guns yet, so get READY for them if you even so much as SNEEZE in my direction!

i want to move on with my life!!!! i keep trying to and you keep trying to wreck it every chance you get!
because you are so miserable you want me to be miserable, too? selfish!!!
well, this is going to END. and i'm going to use everything at my disposal to make sure it ends.
because i am MOVING ON! i'm NOT going to go through this for 10 more years with you and if that means i have to use public humiliation or a restraining order on you, i WILL do that now.
because i am at my wit's end.

i want a life WITHOUT you in it!
i want to be able to open my email or go places on the internet without having to fear stepping in a nice new pile of steaming crap from you! i don't fucking need it! i don't fucking deserve it!
i deserve to have my boundries respected! i deserve to live a life with PEACE in it. i deserve to not be stalked and harrassed by my own MOTHER! this is like living in some twisted nightmare!
and i'm not taking it anymore!!!!!!!
i don't even know who you are any more. and i don't CARE to know now!
god, aren't you like 60 years old now?? GROW UP!!!!!!!!

if you really claim to be such a "christian" always spouting on about the love of god and crap then why don't you walk the walk instead of just shitting scripture out of your mouth? god may love you and forgive you for all your faults, but *I* DO NOT. so don't come crying to me that you deserve my forgiveness. you DON'T deserve it. start acting like a REAL christian and stop trying to project YOUR pain onto ME. i'm not your SHRINK, i'm not your MOTHER, and i'm not your personal wailing wall.
and i'm not your toilet for you to vomit into. i don't OWE you ANYTHING.

just GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
is that clear enough for you??????????

*shaking*

i'm going to go scrub all the red hair dye off my bathtub now so i can go take a bath. i need a beer.

2:53pm

i'm so sick of being angry. i'm so sick of being persued and stalked by her.
i'm so exhausted...I'M SO FUCKING EXHAUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i can't take any more of this. i just can't.
i don't know what to do...i don't know. what. to. do....
help. how do i make it through this. HOW???

2:45pm

made the mistake of looking in my trash in gmail to see if any of the filters i created were working.
and well ONE is, emails from my mom in there as she blah blah blah blah blahs the same old shit to me over and over.
fucking A, i wish she'd shut the fuck up.

it just drains my energy that she is continually nonstop barraging me with her incessant steaming bullshit.
it just will never end.

and she's so freaking stupid. i told her the emails she sends me will go into my trash, but she keeps sending them.
what is her bizarre problem?
why can't she get a clue and leave me alone?
why is she writing when she knows it'll end up in my trash bin without me reading it?
she is a crazy fucktard!!

god, she is so pathetic.
i hate her so much.

selfish bitch.

i don't need her fucking shit in my life!!!!

2:40pm

if you send me an email with any of these words in it, it will go in the trash:

"purchase, medication, shop, pharmacy, drugs, valium, cheat, wives, confirmation, application, medication, husband, profile"

but now i know why they keep misspelling words...so that they can get through your filters. augh.

2:33pm

time slides by...
listening to the current and m.i.a.
i have no motivation, but i MUST get some, somehow....
i have so much that needs to get done.
like scrubbing the tub. getting to the p.o., doing my taxes,
selling stuff to pay rent...
doing something creative...
at least i have red hair.
i just want to lay on the floor and stare.

 

12:42pm

the last day of february!

monkeys by oyo

 

my horoscope:

Something new
Valid during several months: This is a good time for any kind of study and education, because you are intellectually eager for knowledge and new experiences. You want to take a larger view of life in order to see how the various parts fit together to make up the whole. Any new and interesting phenomenon from a world outside your own is likely to attract your attention at this time. Subjects relating to foreign places, the law, philosophy or higher knowledge of any kind will engage your attention. It is possible that you may have some dealings with officials connected with the law, although you should not fear this possibility particularly. It is a good time to travel, because your curiosity makes travel very interesting to you. You are also quite open to alternative lifestyles at this time.