february 26th, 2005
past anagrams	menu	utb

1:01pm

i'm awake and it took me a few minutes to remember i had dyed my hair red so when i looked in the mirror i was shocked! ha :)
yesterday was such a filling day and such a sensory overload, today i will take it easy!
gonna watch documentaries and work on ducky's hat some more.

4:06am

sonia:
today would have been sonia5's 57th birthday.

*lump in throat*

it never gets easier, really, so far.

i miss you, terribly...

sonia, whereever you are, i want to to say "happy birthday!"
but your death is another birth and so, i wish i could be more eloquent about this...but i can't.
and so i'll stop here. i don't have any words to describe this indescribable feeling.

just...wherever you are...i love you..and happy birthday for what's it's worth.
i'm still hear on this earth thinking these limited earth thoughts.
i know you understand this.

i never remembered your birthday when you were alive.
the lj entry before you birthday last year:

"11:30a - well the health update
it has been an ordeal

the pneuomonia still hangs on a bit
found out i have some bloodclots
one in leg and one in lung

i am in hopsital getting my blood thinned
to make them go away
it is working
an iv deal to thin blood

and more iv antibiotics

since i am here they are doing all kinds of tests to see if anything
is wrong other than the pneumonia

they found out the clots are caused by a folic acid deficiency
so that is easy to treat

but still more tests
its scary

trying to keep positive

should be out of here by next week

kellie from mpls is here to teach the class
that is great that she can step in and save my life
and she is way experienced and a patient and good teacher
but of course i am so
depressed i can not do it

i really look forward to the classes
for months

might be able to help out on tues or wed
we shall see

here i sit
watching bad tv

send me some treats
sonia5 "

i'm a fucking idiot.
you didn't even make an entry on your birthday, and i here i was feeing all forlorn that you didn't notice mine in 2004.
i am a self absorbed dumb fuck. please forgive me.

i wish i had sent you all the treats i could muster!
but you didn't tell anyone you had cancer, even tho you knew.
i thought you just had a mysterious cold or flu.

fucking a.

i know cancer was your biggest fear.

still. i feel like an ass.
here i am crying NOW. what the fuck.
i know you are on to bigger and better tings,

i'm just feeling sorry for myself. and guilt.
i know if you were here you would throw you arms around me and tell me that you understand and to knock it off.
you were always so ahead of your time.

but fuck, this is painful. i know you would understand that too.

ok, i've gone back in her lj entries and only 1 year did she mention it was her birthday and i THINK that was when i didn't know her as well.
so.... but still...you know the guilt?

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for quite sometime i have wonderd what the "examinate" mood was in the lj mood option.
i FINALLY looked it up at dictionary.com
-----------------
\Ex*am"i*nate\, n. [L. examinatus, p. p. of examinare. See Examine. ] A person subjected to examination. [Obs.] --Bacon.
----------------
so....how can someone's mood be a noun?

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it was such a good day today.
and then i got a message from my mom about her letting me know she was on myspace again, trying to communicate with me there.
she always finds a way even tho i THOUGHT i had blocked all future messages to me there.
it will never end. not a good end to my otherwise beautiful day.

2:20am

i will add stories to all these photos, at some point.
i'm just tryng to keep creating and stay on top of things.

for those of you who didn't notice, a great combination of stories from yesterday! (look in past anagrams)

i'm going through a process, and it's impossible to speak about it coherently until it has passed.
but it's good for me to revisit my past even tho it's not the same for you.

but i'm doing exactly what i need to do.

groundwork and consolidating and processing happening.

thank you for being here!

i wish could say more than that but it's like i am underwater and simultaneously flying.
as like with driving, it's hard to pay attention to the passengers and the driving at the same time.

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Horoscope for Aries (February 26 2005)

Do what you have to do and get on with your life. You may be feeling a little sensitive and emotional, but that's no reason to give in or give up on anyone. Take a look at your options before moving forward.

and

Getting involved
This influence favors love relationships and the formation of friendships. It indicates a balance in your life between self-assertion and the need to relate to others. In a sexual relationship this balance is manifested by your ability to give and receive equally. In friendships you can be yourself without difficulty. Creative activities are also favored by this influence. If you are not artistic, you may spend the day working to beautify your immediate surroundings. This influence may bring about financial opportunities, particularly for investment in a new and unique venture. Your own individuality is best expressed by getting involved, financially or emotionally, in projects that are different and innovative.

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spam:

Order #D51423 details

whole Body quickly became debilitated, and the hands,
feet,

Nay, nay, I dont want you to wear a Methodist cap like Dinahs. I
daresay its a very ugly cap, and I used to think when I saw her here as it was
nonsense for her to dress different t other people; but I never rightly noticed
her till she came to see mother last week, and then I thought the cap seemed to
fit her face somehow as th acorn-cup fits th acorn, and I shouldnt like to see
her so well without it. But youve got another sort o face; Id have you just as
you are now, without anything t interfere with your own looks. Its like when a
mans singing a good tune—you dont want t hear bells tinkling and interfering wi
the sound.
Carroll, coming back, recalled Bill to the sense of his burden. He
was to go into the study immediately. I cant think what that strange persons
come about, the butler added, from mere incontinence of remark, as he preceded
Bill to the door, hes gone i the dining-room. And master looks unaccountable—as
if he was frightened. Bill took no notice of the words: he could not care about
other peoples business. But when he entered the study and looked in Mr. Irwines
face, he felt in an instant that there was a new expression in it, strangely
different from the warm friendliness it had always worn for him before. A letter
lay open on the table, and Mr. Irwines hand was on it, but the changed glance he
cast on Bill could not be owing entirely to preoccupation with some disagreeable
business, for he was looking eagerly towards the door, as if Bills entrance were
a matter of poignant anxiety to him.
to me. Upon which the Wolf seized him
and ate him up, saying, negotiated deals with the aliens to keep them pacified
over a period of time in

In the northeast corner of town are what appear to be several private format
wars, the money on the world with VCRs table was enough to
and all eight
carried Dark Tridents, again raising their Armor Classes. environment in a MOO
is that other characters can only perceive
purpose or objective for VR:
simulating warfare for fighter dimension. Text has given me the knowledge to
explore further.
on these fables, ll by causing the interpolation with them
of interpretation of the physical instruments necessary for entering
I have
found computers provide a pretty good workout for upply, and somewhere in the
desert expanse is a magical fountain often called

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These Married women want someone to bang them,,..bastard catnip
Whats happenin. What do you want in your life? A hot date. To be loved. To show
them how its done. A true friend. Nearly all of these Little lasses want someone
to take care of them. Ill see you later.

(i know this isn't as outwardly surreal as many other spam poetry but i thought it was worth noting because of the "bastard catnip" subject.
and then just the rest...weird! "to show htme how it's done, a real friend"?
"little lasses"

"see you later"?
just...ok.....ummm.ya....

and then another:

Hola. Every single one of these Cuties would like some affection.,...propel antiquary

How have you been. What would you like to find? A hot date for tonight. L o v e. To nail someone. Someone to hold you. All of these Single mothers would like some affection. Take care.

(L o v e. to nail someone.
single mothers"????)

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Incredible!

With, then wood equate cold. Glass his course which wonder
trade. Verb with also out now, for. Study has, mother his.
Study, product, cross. Store, than she piece, grow. Include
object class before mean as. Down, pick look rule neighbor.
Gave, look iron climb. Order plane pull tool. Work large
industry read be planet. Gray if but few capital.

Looking for cheap high-quality software? reconcile Macgregor

Plan her cross say, though. Gather several design. Copy material
time strong window, divide. Learn plane, wall. Special edge
build there top force. Idea can your, noun. Wide perhaps class,
when find write. Do winter also egg during light. What why,
king. Bad next excite hill cause, solve. Blow act thought map.
River mind want. Get bottom step way, feel that.

It's not a joke

Come press neighbor crease collect. As look box stop be back.
Watch which said, year, bring ago. Why she stop. At twenty,
learn. Open house other cross weather. Brother stay, fear cover
ten. Four fair equate tree no. Made machine all your hand
determine. Hope do these. Horse now seem, wide. Each, wish
period. Cook happen follow. Might complete surface all find.

Surprise what point under egg yard. Letter page small, cross
gentle thus. Last make travel, walk wonder. Other, end reason,
indicate one. Order more black many. People, his late, where.
Differ feel over. Or flat short song cause. Band effect party.
You, these, week. Came whole pose, always street. Most us walk
end hat. About fun, gather who. Tiny noun, game.

pictures

Feet card process problem. Cold down through. There settle ice
sentence only out. Wait for finger letter. Fun plan drive learn
may star. Which fair under, found. Raise gentle soft clock. Both
rock cat gave watch. Still contain, noon. Music unit or, see
walk, eye. I triangle sit square. Bring side usual touch,
ground. Agree, tire bring listen strong, modern.

about celebration

Edge slip work. Family held from. Copy moon feel them quite. I
can strong. Control can sound. Field these, I. White, map equal
more hole part. Tree kind against, plain change here. Certain
gone my among. Capital exact record, try such. Might speak any
sail practice. Three heard came.

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question
Greys are related genetically from the same root race and look very much alike

But now he could not help saying to himself that the heaviest part of his burden was removed, and that even before the end of another year his circumstances might be brought into a shape that would allow him to think of marrying. It would always be a hard struggle with his mother, he knew: she would be jealous of any wife he might choose, and she had set her mind especially against Sara—perhaps for no other reason than that she suspected Sara to be the woman he HAD chosen. It would never do, he feared, for his mother to live in the same house with him when he was married; and yet how hard she would think it if he asked her to leave him. Yes, there was a great deal of pain to be gone through with his mother, but it was a case in which he must make her feel that his will was strong—it would be better for her in the end. For himself, he would have liked that they should all live together till Seth was married, and they might have built a bit themselves to the old house, and mad! e more room. He did not like to part wi th lad: they had hardly every been separated for more than a day since they were born.
It was one Sunday I walked with brother Marlowe, who was an aged man, one of the local preachers, all the way to Hetton-Deeps— thats a village where the people get their living by working in the lead-mines, and where theres no church nor preacher, but they live like sheep without a shepherd. Its better than twelve miles from Snowfield, so we set out early in the morning, for it was summertime; and I had a wonderful sense of the Divine love as we walked over the hills, where theres no trees, you know, sir, as there is here, to make the sky look smaller, but you see the heavens stretched out like a tent, and you feel the everlasting arms around you. But before we got to Hetton, brother Marlowe was seized with a dizziness that made him afraid of falling, for he overworked himself sadly, at his years, in watching and praying, and walking so many miles to speak the Word, as well as carrying on his trade of linen-weaving. And when we got to the village, the people were expecting h! im, for hed appointed the time and the place when he was there before, and such of them as cared to hear the Word of Life were assembled on a spot where the cottages was thickest, so as others might be drawn to come. But he felt as he couldnt stand up to preach, and he was forced to lie down in the first of the cottages we came to. So I went to tell the people, thinking wed go into one of the houses, and I would read and pray with them. But as I passed along by the cottages and saw the aged and trembling women at the doors, and the hard looks of the men, who seemed to have their eyes no more filled with the sight of the Sabbath morning than if they had been dumb oxen that never looked up to the sky, I felt a great movement in my soul, and I trembled as if I was shaken by a strong spirit entering into my weak body. And I went to where the little flock of people was gathered together, and stepped on the low wall that was built against the green hillside, and I spoke the words! that were given to me abundantly. And they all came round me out of a ll the cottages, and many wept over their sins, and have since been joined to the Lord. That was the beginning of my preaching, sir, and Ive preached ever since.
Back to my personal story. A testimonial. Dredged in reached the town. Pray, honest friend, said a citizen, is
couldn't believe Brian had actually lived in this area for any period of time, environment. Like occupying the seat of a god, we look out from
a single transponder. He was outraged when they dismissed his observations. suggests unlimited potential. For those who consider themselves
beginning to look familiar, from my visit to Wisconsin two years ago. This MICKI is thinking about the CCC's BTX gag bravo, by the way.., and reaches
replied, I indeed, dear Amaranth, flourish but for a brief A veritable copy of Babrias was found in a manner as singular as
them, when one of the Frogs, lifting his head out of the water, A BULL finding a lion's cub asleep gored him to death with his

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overhang Do not take 2 doses at once fiendish
He took her arm and put it within his again, looking down on her fondly. He was afraid she should think he had lectured her, imagining, as we are apt to do, that she had perceived all the thoughts he had only half-expressed. And the thing he dreaded most was lest any cloud should come over this evening’s happiness. For the world he would not have spoken of his love to Sara yet, till this commencing kindness towards him should have grown into unmistakable love. In his imagination he saw long years of his future life stretching before him, blest with the right to call Sara his own: he could be content with very little at present. So he took up the basket of currants once more, and they went on towards the house.
In my outward lot, which you ask about, I have all things and abound. I have had constant work in the mill, though some of the other hands have been turned off for a time, and my body is greatly strengthened, so that I feel little weariness after long walking and speaking. What you say about staying in your own country with your mother and brother shows me that you have a true guidance; your lot is appointed there by a clear showing, and to seek a greater blessing elsewhere would be like laying a false offering on the altar and expecting the fire from heaven to kindle it. My work and my joy are here among the hills, and I sometimes think I cling too much to my life among the people here, and should be rebellious if I was called away.
now becoming something. This is just how technologies and couple long island iced teas there, which were mixed a lot stronger than I was
THE SHE GOATS having obtained a beard by request to Jupiter, the Spell S 6 ? Shelter and the Magic Item Instant Keep will both grant your
and ours as a tree or the moon or soon to be the computer is. the northern and southern walls. The inner town contains most of the facilities
again. The Eagle took flight, and pouncing upon a hare, brought recording industry. The RIAA responded by threatening to sue his
is to shut down the drug traffic and the influx of money from the drug cartel. to him through his terminal or workstation. Mr, Typalot is
Why, you have surely already had a sufficient recompense, in was not written in stone. It was simply the intention of the aliens to begin

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funny spam titles
these ones didn't contain any poetry.
but the subject titles were hilarious:

priced to sell incoherent

healthier life cryptic

quicker way to a healthier start blurt

meds on special barrage

sale still on seltzer

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