february 15th, 2005
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10:13pm

tranferred files over from the other dying computer to this one.
doing a load of laundry.
wrote my dad a HUGE email.
ate baba ghannouj.
watching the news (not really, it's just on)
gonna make some new collages.

thank you for being here :)

6:43pm

it's amazing how fast spammers find your new email.
just yesterday i switched things over to be gmail, and i am already receiving 50 times more spam just today then i did the day before.
how fuct is that?

6:29pm

i'm sorry i'm so depressed today. i just am.
but i'm doing everything in my power to just keep going.
at 7pm jason is going to come over here and help me network my business computer and main computer together so i can back up some files on there by putting them on my main computer, since the floppy drive on my business computer is nonfunctional now.

and then he is going to show me how he turned the water off to my washer so it wouldn't leak.
so i can turn the water back on so i can do my laundry, and then shut off the water again so it doesn't leak.
because i'm weird in the way that i have to clean my house before i have maintenance people come up here.
and my house is not clean enough at the moment.

so i will just deal with doing my wash like that until i get it cleaner in here.
having clean sheets on my bed will improve my mood.

and i need a washer so that i can dye those t shirts. i can't start doing that until i have a way of washing them to get the exceess dye out of them after they are dyed.

 

6:21pm

did the treadmill so i am proud of myself for doing that.
it's one step less than complete slothfulness.

not to sound paranoid, the only thing i can think of as to why my hotmail would be shut down is that i
was using it for "commercial use" sometimes. as in, in my signature i had links to my site (and who doesn't?)
and that i would send off mailings to my mailing list at yahoo about ana2. but i had been doing that for 9 years. so why NOW?
all i can think of is that some list member decided to fuck with me and report me to hotmail.
i seriously can't imagine hotmail even taking notice of me. it's not like i am spamming anyone or sending out a gazillion emails a day.
and i don't know why, after 9 years they would care about me or take any notice of me.
it's all just too weird.
and i just find it highly depressing that there are people out there who take delight in fucking with my very ways to live and eat.
shutting down my paypal, shutting down my main email i've had for almost a decade.
they just have no clue the agony it causes me. especially to lose emails that were so dear to me, like sonia's last emails to me.

if someone did this to be sadistic, then that makes me so incredibly sad.

5:20pm

off to the treadmill...
i have to get myself out of this depressing mood.

4:54pm

ok, what do you think of this?
is this a good computer and a good deal?

just a computer...no monitor or keyboard, etc. just for 100 bucks.

oh wait...jason pointed out to me that it doesn't have cpu or ram. i don't know what cpu even is..but .ya...nevermind.

3:42pm

i can't deal with anything today.
being on the computer is now driving me nuts.
i think i will stay away from the computer today.
i need a break from it.

now the floppy drive doesn't work on my business computer anymore.
i just need a new computer. it's totally dying.
i'm so low on cash now.
i feel completely overwhelmed and depressed.
i don't have the energy to deal with any of this.
i just want to curl into a ball and shut off.

the cheapest computer i can find is this dell
for 389 bucks. i don't need a fancy computer for my business computer.
i don't need it to be fast or have a huge harddrive or anything.
i just need it to work properly, and connect to the internet.
actually, i don't even need the monitor, i just need the computer.
isn't there a way i can just buy the computer without the monitor, keyboard, and mouse?

ok, ya, i can order it without the monitor for $50 off.

 

3:15pm

myspace is still saying that anavoog@gmail does not exist.
i just give up on myspace today.

2:03pm

and what is THIS now?
myspace will not let me log in!
it says that anavoog at gmail dot com: "No such email address was found. "
!!!
if it's not found then HOW is it that i am getting tons of notices from them that so and so has added me to their friend list and wants to be added back and stuff? i'm still receiving them as i write this!
just YESTERDAY i switched myspce to be my gmail email..and i validated it and it was just fine and working yesterday and now "it does not exist"?
so for the heck of it i try my old hotmail, and that will also not let me in.
either one i use it says i am using the wrong password , but i'm NOT. i TOTALLY KNOW my password!!

what kind of fucked up thing is going on with me right now????

what on EARTH is happening???

ok, now i am getting the "we are undergoing routine maintence page"

maybe this is just a glitch on their part.

*sigh*

1:44pm

i know i should try and contact hotmail and argue to them that they should let me on to at least let me retrieve my information.
and that they should tell me what on the fucking EARTH i could have possibly doone to violate any terms of use.
i am just still extremely pissed and depressed about this.
but i just don't know if i have the energy to go through all the crap i will have to deal with to call or write them because you never get anyone who knwos what is going on. you just get a person who just reads you back the rules and talks in a form letter way.
i wish i had the energy to fight this but i just don't.
and i'm just in mourning about it.
i can't believe this happened to me and i just don't know WHY.
i have a stomache ache

7:06am

i am feeling a bit more calmed down now.i just woke up with horrible anxiety and then saw they had shut down my email account that i have had for almost 10 years! jason had woken up because he was getting ready for work and he helped me retrieve some important email addresses that were in the cache.
but my last emails from sonia are now gone, which breaks my heart.
i can't get over how cruel hotmail is to just shut down my account like that, not even warn me that they are going to shut it down so i can at least retrieve my information from it, and then not even tell me WHY they are shutting it down.

i am realllllllly angry about this. there are no words.

i'm going to try to get back to sleep now.

beware because they could do this to YOU.

i am definitely not even going to use gmail now because i don't want this to EVER happen to me ever ever ever again!
i will set up an anacam email and i'll let you know what it is when i have it set up.

i just i am bewildered. i can't imagine what i did wrong.

and their TOU is really scary. i don't recall their TOU ever containing in it all this stuff about monitoring your email!
not that i have put anything in my email even worth monitoring

it feels like big brother! "we are monitoring you! and we will close down your account at any time and not even tell you why!"

what the fuck is THAT???

it's scary and fucked and bewildering and cruel is what that is.

all my emails i had saved from my friends that meant a lot to me.
all the emails i had to still reply to.
my addresses and phone numbers in there.
registration codes to software that is imperative to my site.
passwords to sites.
all the mailing lists i was on all gone gone gone....

5:49am

woke up for a second.

and checked my gmail and hotmail finally did get back to me with a form letter and they said:

"Dear Ana,

Thank you for writing to MSN Hotmail Technical Support.

First of all, I am sorry for the delay in getting back to you. Every message that Hotmail receives is very important. Unfortunately, we recently received an extremely high volume of e-mail messages and are working diligently to catch up. Your patience is most appreciated, as we work to regain our normal response time.

My name is Jessica and I understand that you are unable to access your ana101@hotmail.com account. I know how important it is for you to address this matter right away and I am pleased to be of assistance.

Ana, I have checked your account and our records show that this account has been closed because of a violation of our Terms Of Use (TOU).

For privacy and security reasons, we can provide no further information. However, you may review our TOU at:

http://privacy.msn.com/tou/default.asp

Should you have other concerns on Hotmail services, please do not hesitate to write back.

Thank you for your time and support.

Sincerely,

Jessica L.
MSN Hotmail Technical Support "

 

 

WTF???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

god, i KNEW i had a REALLY bad feeling about this!

i just weirdly knew that for some godawful reason my hotmail account was no more!!!

what in god's name do they think i have done with that account??

i've had it for almost 10 years!!!

WHAT violation do they think i have done???

and they can't even TELL me???

WTF????????????????????????????????????????

i am very upset about this!!!!!

i fel like crying!!!!

i am BEYOND mystified!!!!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!

+++

Horoscope for Aries (February 15 2005)

Concentrate on what you can do, not what you can't. You will discover that someone who interests you will want to include you in something he or she is working on or doing. Don't try to get everything done all at once or mistakes will be made.

and

Speaking your mind
Today, you should have no difficulty keeping amused, because your mind is sharp, alive and ready for all kinds of experiences. Even in the ordinary, everyday aspects of your world you see the possibilities for new knowledge and understanding. Quite frequently this influence indicates one of those days when the telephone never seems to stop ringing. It seems as if everyone wants to get in touch with you, and you have to contact many people too. Important communications from others may very well come by mail, telephone or personal conversation. And you will speak your mind with everyone. It is very important with this influence to let people know exactly where you stand on every issue. Your honesty and forthrightness in what you say will command the respect of others.