february 11th, 2005

i was really good today and did not look at my mom's journal once.
go me!
it's hard but i will take it one day at a time and each day i will make it through without ever looking at it.
she never says anything different in it anyway. it's always the same old bullshit about how i have wronged her.

i hope when i wake up tomorrow my neck will be better.

7:26pm

i wish i had a neck brace. gonna take some aspirin.
jaosn's cooking a pizza and then i'm going to go over there to eat it.
and we are going to watch a movie.
i wonder if getting a massage from carolyn would help me?

6:29pm

i didn't go on the treadmill because i'm afraid it might make my neck worse.

here are little parts of the chat from the show night

5:12pm

i did something to my neck again. ever since my neck got all whacked out about a year ago (which i have no idea why...i just turned by head and whammo, massive pain) my neck has never been totally the same. and just now i was drying my hair with a towel after i got out of the bath and my neck whacked out again.
:( arrrgh.
my entire neck down to the middle of my back now hurts :(
and i'm supposed to go on the treadmill very soon. bah!!

4:09pm

how unfortunate to misspell a huge tattoo:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/immortalamigone/32562.html

they are going to kick themselves when they find out!
i wonder how you could ever fix something like that?

2:39pm

still cleaning up from the show. my kitchen is a disaster,too.
made a bath. getting things back into shape and a bit more organized and i need to find something to eat.
it's really gorgeous out at 45 degrees and sunny. so weird for february.
today is just about cleaning and recharging my soul batteries.
and i have my period, too, which is making me less then energetic, but at least i don't have cramps like i did yesterday. all in all, i'm in a pretty good mood :)
but i'm still annoyed at myself for wasting good food trying to make some bizarre ass frankensoup after my show.
i swear i was possessed. it's still in my fridge and i don't even want to look at it, but i have to, because i need to throw it away. what on earth was i thinking in trying to make a soup from smoked fish, anchovies, a lemon, a star fruit, , onion, garlic, a smoked ham hock and a jar of spaghetti sauce? what the hell?
that's just not right. that's fucking ridiculous! i don't even understand my brain sometimes.
i must have been trying to create a new lifeform or something.

my face is all breaking out, too. and it just now occurred t me that it's probably because of smoking those clove cigarettes during my show.

12:49pm

and few pictures from the show that i lightened up a bit.
did you know that once you download the documentary i am in you get an email that you get a second download of one of there other movies for free? yep! i told then to put that info on that page so that would be even more incentive for people to download the documentary i am in :)

click to the link at anacam.com to go download it!

 

2:09am

ha! just realized i still have duct tape on my nipples from last night! i guess i should take that off now :)

1:40am

download the documentary i am in online!!!
go here:
http://www.anacam.com

it helps me out to buy it by clicking the link on the bottom of that page because i get 5% of the sales and this will help me and my doglets to buy food! only $5.99 USD! and please please please pass this around and have people click to it from http://www.anacam.com to buy it! they are tracking it from that URL! it won't me me out to buy it by clicking anywhere else!
it would help me out a LOT!

about the documentary:

"Meet the new generation of women in cyberspace who, with a modem and some moxy, are taking on our old ideas about fame and shame - and opening up a space for new kinds of art, pornography, celebrity, and branding on the Internet.

Meet some of the pioneers and the outlaws from the femcam frontier - Ana Voog, the first art/life webcam; Ducky Doolittle, sexologist, and burlesque queen; Terri Senft, internet cultural critic, and Dionne Loewen, an ethical porn producer - as they reveal the world of micro-celebrity and cyber-loving. Today's WebCam Girls run sophisticated websites that integrate webcams, online diaries, or "blogs", chat rooms, and a variety of visual displays, from thumbnail images to Flash animations. Compressing weeks of archived images into head spinning animations, creating instant art, incorporating sound, text, hyperlinks and streaming video, WebCam Girls shows you the leading edge of a newly emerging Internet culture, where women call the shots. Advisory Warnings Nudity, Sexual Content, Sexually Suggestive Scenes
Festivals Played Victoria Independent Film and Video Festival - Canada
Producer Harry Sutherland, Cari Green
Director of Photography Rolf Cutts
Editor Heather Frise
Widescreen/Fullscreen Fullscreen
B&W / Color Color
File Size 290MB "

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Horoscope for Aries (February 11 2005)

You may feel uncertain about your home and the conditions you are living under. Discipline and focusing on what needs to be done in order to make things right will be required. Change will be good in the end.

and

There is an underlying strength to your moods today, yet you can get in your own way of being effective, especially if you push too hard. Reality is trying to tell you something, but it may be difficult to determine exactly what it is saying. If there is resistance to your efforts, don't waste too much energy trying to overpower the wrong things.


and

A foggy day
Today you may feel inclined to keep a secret or hold back information in order to avoid a confrontation with someone. It is not good to do this, because it will only contribute to the fog of confusion and unclarity that surrounds you during this time. For the same reasons, avoid any form of misrepresentation or distortion of the truth, even if you think it might be politic to mislead someone. In every way you should strive to keep all your communication and thinking clear, lucid, factual and rooted in the real world. If you try to avoid confrontations by acting evasively under this influence, you will run up against even more demoralizing confrontations later. Also be careful in any kind of negotiations or business dealings today, because you could be the victim of misrepresentation, even if you are not the perpetrator.