january 24th, 2005
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feeling a little insecure lately.

6:24pm

i got out and made it to the bank and made it to the drug store, which was an hours worth of walking. yay!
then , i can't believe i actually bought clothing at walgreens, but they had long sleeved 100% cotton t shirts---3 for $10! couldn't pass that up. also needed more shampoo, gonna try out the new garnier fruitis (or whatever it's called)
and bought some bobby pins and a new pink comb since my comb is busted in 1/2.
and then i could not resist buying 2 more of those furry tube scarfs, one in army green and one in pinkish red (only $9 a piece).
and some generic tylenol pm. and that all adds up so fast to 60 bucks. (plus my meds).
yikes!

then went down to the treadmill and did that for 20 minutes with jason.
i am going to do that 5 times a week, it'll be good for me even tho i HATE the excercise room with a passion.
it has to be the most uncomforttable place ever with the flourescent lighting and the hum of the pop machine and the yucky plasticy gym smell. ish.
but i want to support jason to excercise. and i need to do it , too. so..here we go.
it think i have finally convinced jason that the way to lose weight is not by a diet but just by eating normal food LESS and then excerising even just 20 minutes a day. and the weight will come off slower, but then it's off for good!
he always wants some magical way to lose it. some diet or pill and takes things too far in extremes. like when he excerises he will just excercise too much, then he will be sore for 3 days and won't be able to excercise.
i'm just going to get him to WALK. that's it. eat normal..eat less, and WALK.
there is no magic bullet or magical excerise contraption. and you don't need a trainer.
anyway...i'm glad i think i have finally convinced him to give up on all that stuff and just lose weight in a normal sane way like a normal person. with no trainer and no regime or special food or bars or drinks or pills, etc etc.
so i'm really excited now that he has finally picked an attainable and sane solution.
and it will be good for me to excericise, too.

but we are going to try this place called...umm...i forgot the name but you go there and pick out all your food and they put it into containers and...oh it's called let's dish.
letsdish.com?
so you stick these containers in your freezer then you have meals just the way you want them ready to be heated.
i don't really care about this place because i like to cook, but jason doesn't cook (and doesn't usually like what i cook because he doesn't eat a variety of food) so this will be good for him to eat better meals, maybe. and it comes to only 3 bucks a meal. but i am curious as to what they think a serving size is. if it really is 3 bucks a MEAL then that is pretty impressive.
and i've gotten him to agree to eat vegetables and to think of them as medicine.
i hope this will work because i worry for his health is he will not eat any vegetables or fruit ever.

so this is good. i hope this is a start for a new way of being for him and he can get healthier and happier and get better sleep then, too.

and if i go down and excercise 5 times a week, too, that'll be very very good for me, too. because i am completely out of shape.

onward!

i had awful dreams again. i can't remember any of them now except just one where there were horses trying to swim upstream in rapids and their reins got caught on rocks and the rapids drowned them. it was just HORRIBLE seeing the terrified look in the horses eyes as it struggled to stay above the water. god, it was seriously disturbing.

2:32pm

moths!

for the last few months i hae been seeing about one tiny little moth fly be my about once every few weeks.
it alarmed me because i thought...is this the kind of moth that eats wool/silk/fur, etc? (which is practically what my entire house consists of)
but i never saw one very often so i worried, but not a lot.
well, today i put on a sweater that is relatively new, and i see moth holes in it!
gah!
i have SO much fabric and clothing (and yarn), there is NO way i could afford to get everything cleaned or dry cleaned. i mean, this task, it's just enormous. it would be like walking into a huge vintage clothing store and fabric store and yarn store and then cleaning ALL that. most of my stuff cannot be machine washed.
and i cannot afford to dry clean it. no way.

i HATE mothballs. absolutely HATE them. so i cannot use those. i just can't. i can't bear the smell.

i rarely ever see these moths, tho.

maybe they are gone now? i just don't know!
argh!

what should i do?
any suggestions??

ok, lavendar and cedar chips (etc) do not work:
http://ianrpubs.unl.edu/textiles/nf14.htm

it sounds like i need to do some heavy duty pesticide thing to actually make sure to kill them and any eggs, but i'm NOT going to do that. my entire house would be a huge chemicalthen. and that would be awful for me 3 small dogs.
no way.

i wish i could get some cedar boxes! so much i need, so little $$$.

i guess i all i can do hope and pray the moth thing does not get worse! arrrrrrgh.'
and be glad that i don't mind holes THAT much because i am into deconstruction?

bah.

i have to laugh heartily at the suggestion to narrow down my search to wear the moths were seen:

where the moths were seen (thing room part 2):

 

2:10pm

i need to get out into the cold today and get to a drug store where i can get my amitriptyline.
i've been out for a few days and when i run out it makes me nervous from the withdrawal.
i've explained this before but i'll explain it again for the new.
i take that pill everyday to stop my migraine headaches that i used to get whenever i would get my period
(now that i take this pill i just get an ordinary headache, not a 3 day migraine where i am laying on the floor writhing in pain, vomiting, and wanting to die).
the thing is, it has a slight sedative affect and when i go off it, i have a slight withdrawal which makes me nervous.
so anyway, i have to get that today.
and i'll go to the bank, too, since that is on the way.
i have so much to get done and to things i need to get to the p.o. too.
one, a cd and EP to get out to this woman, and this hat to get out to pinkpeppercorns, but that'll hve to wait until tomorow.
today is the drug store and the bank.
so cold out there but there are lots of skyway systems.
so...of to get dressed and go do that now.

listening to gwen. i wish i had a coke.

i'll take my camera with in case i see anything interesting on the way there or back :)

2:04pm

gail ann dorsey
i finally decided to go on a search to see what david bowie's bass player's name is. the woman who has been with him for his latest tours.
she always looks so badass and fierce and she plays and sings and moves with such grace and boldness.
she is one of my bass heroes. of all instruments i play, i love to play bass best (and piano) and write the bass parts the most (and the harmonies, i love to write those as well :)
when i have the $ , i am going to get a really nice bass, finally, and learn to play as well as she does.
(my other bass hero is mick karn who played for one of my favourite bands, japan)

her name is gail ann dorsey.
http://www.gailanndorsey.com

you HAVE to read this journal entry by her RIGHT HERE, as she, to my utter surprise, gushes for her love of olivia newton john (little known fact: i can sing EXACTY like olivia newtown john if i want to). her entry is SO touching and SO funny!
now i love her even more! :) and i didn't know she had a solo record out. rock :)
i'm going to read her other journal entries now :)

1:53pm

goddamit, i just acciedntally erased over the index page of anadream with the index page of past anagrams!
gah!
now i have to find the cd where i hopefully have back up of that!
i think i d, i'm quite sure, but just to go look for it is a pain!

interesting conversations:

http://ana.livejournal.com/1477308.html

----

my post about blogger that was friends only and some conversations ensued:

well, hot damn i finally figured out ONE damn thing with blogger.
http://anavoog.blogspot.com/

you can see i made 2 test posts way back in 2000 trying to figure that sucker out.
well, now i see i actually have a page. and so...hmmmm.

oh haha :) i see i have one here too:
http://voog.blogspot.com/

with one post named "argh". lol :) or maybe that is what my journal is actually called "argh". nice.

ya...i never really figured that blogger thing out. maybe by the year 2012 i will have actually figured out how you're are supposed to make an entry or something.
blogger.com is indeed the most user unfriendly unintuitive confusing place i have ever been to on the net.

i guess i have 3 "blogs", but what i thought they meant by "create a blog" is "post to your blog"
so i just kept creating "blogs" and never seeing any posts anywhere.

also, because i was at BLOGGER.com i thought the url to my blog would have the word BLOGGER in it.
but no it's BLOGSPOT. wtf?? does that make ANY sense?

i also thought my blog name would, logically, be my username!
i thought my journal would be at ana.blogger.com or something. but no. your username has nothing to do with your journal and even BLOGGER.COM is NOT the website your journal is at! it's BLOGSPOT. well DUH!
call me stupid but what kind of nonsense is THAT? i've never gone to blogspot.com in my life! i've gone to blogger! hi?

now i know why their "easy" little blogging tool is called "BLOG THIS?!" (seriously that is what it is called! "blog this?!")

*smacks head*

i'm special :)

----

planetconcrete
/// R I C (68.186.144.142) Sunday, January 23rd, 2005 02:27 am

for some reason, webcam people could never get the blog thing.

jenny
Jenny (66.169.99.58) Sunday, January 23rd, 2005 02:34 am

That seems like an odd judgement to make...

planetconcrete
/// R I C (68.186.144.142) Sunday, January 23rd, 2005 03:43 am

well, webcams were like the really cool thing and then blogs were like the really cool thing, but the thing is that webcam people were doing the blog thing way before the blog people were doing the blog thing. Except they were doing the webcam things. S'post to be silly, but I guess it got lost in the translation.com. I still don't get the blog thing 'cause anyone who had an online journal pre-2001 was basically a blogger. But who cares. I am silly. Go USA.

ana
ana clara voog (208.42.90.101) Sunday, January 23rd, 2005 06:37 am

exactly!
you know what i mean, fellow cam person and a MAN at that :) truly rare :)
when i signed up for livejournal and then blogger i already had a "blog" so i was like wtf? what is the deal with it? what can blogger.com give me that i already don't have? i tried to figure out what was the deal since i already had one. and i already had several bbs too, and a newsgroup and a chatroom and email (duh).

but livejournal kind of combined all of that....in a weird sort of way.
i already had my main journal on my site (and still so).
a chatroom, several bbs, and a newsgroup!

livejournal just made it all combine into one.
and made it EASY. easier than i had it already.
why would i want blogger to do what i was already doing and make it HARDER?

i don't get it! and i've been trying to get it ever since. but now i finally think i get it! ya....whatever.

btripp
BTRIPP (172.150.11.251) Sunday, January 23rd, 2005 06:58 am

Blogging vs LJ
ANA ...

I think I know what's seems "off" about the Blogging thing ... there's no immediacy to the give-and-take of L.J. ... the Blogs are like some journals where the user has made it so that nobody can comment, or at least so that all comments are filtered.

When we all came over to L.J. back in the spring of 2000, it was largely in response to L.J. offering something that stood between the BBS sort of board and IRC. It took less attention than hanging in a chat room, but was more interactive (with e-mail notification of comments) than a board.

The "blogs" are much more one-way, it seems to me ... they're great for "pontificating" (which makes them ideal for political things), but are less dynamic than the L.J. model.

I went over to those ones you linked to and couldn't figure out how to comment, except to send you an e-mail. Do those automatically route to some sort of posting function, or do you (as "the blogger") have to individually funnel those into some "approved reply" thing? The fact that it didn't make any sense to me is probably indicative of the problem that "L.J. people" like us have with Blogs!

ana
ana clara voog (208.42.90.101) Sunday, January 23rd, 2005 07:18 am
Re: Blogging vs LJ
ya, i think that maybe bloggers wish for lack of intimacy?
and then...when you see the antics of LJ who can blame them, you know? i can see both sides there.
but as far as "bloggers" being all snooty at LJ, well, they can truly fuck off. LJ is easier, and why wouldn't you WANT it to be? it's not like i didn't already have a website and journal already. i didn't want to make my life more DIFFICULT. i wanted to COMMUNICATE..and pronto!

but ya, i definitely started a LJ because it was a cross between my bbs, a journal, and a chatroom.
i could have my journal...but people could reply to it like a bbs (and talk amongst themselves) while i got email reports of all of it and then could leisurely get back to people (unlike a chatroom). it was a wonderful combination.

the only downside was that any idiot could have a LJ and therefore...what made life heaven also made life hell.

and when i started reading, with the merger, all this bizarro heirarchy with journals and that, indeed, the stats do say that most people on LJ are decades younger than i am....i started thinking...if i move over to a more "blogger" type system with i get more "mature" responses? i am in the wrong place now? IS there a life without "drive by postings"? (the answer to that is a resounding no, i'm pretty sure).

but i think the thing is there are just a lot more stupid people in the internet, on the whole now, than there was in 1997. and so...i don't know.

i'm trying to figure out a way to tap into a more mature audience. this is just all...weirding me out now.
it's hard for me to put into words.

i'd just like an easy interface with mature people.
but that seems too much to ask now?
if i want to have a more mature conversation i have to deal with a more user unfriendly system to prove i'm smart or something? and how "mature" is that?

it's just all really silly and i'm frustrated at the moment with all the systems. internet growing pains, i guess....as usual.

planetconcrete
/// R I C (68.186.144.142) Sunday, January 23rd, 2005 04:21 pm
Re: Blogging vs LJ
I don't think Livejournal is the problem as far as maturity. I think we can all blame AOL for that fact.

I remember netiquitte.

But you hit the nail on the head as far as describing LJ. Chatroom, BBS, and journal all in one. One of the main reasons I quit my site is because of all the "fake sick" people and the fake deaths that happened. It still gives me chills to think about the creepy stuff that happened and all of the horrible things people said about me that were out of my control. Scary.

Ultimately I think behavior on the Internet is a sign that personal responsibility is on the wane. People just don't care about other's feelings. Especially when other people are reduced to a screenname and an avatar.

But when people learn their interpersonal relationship skills from The O.C. what can we expect?

ana
ana clara voog (208.42.90.101) Sunday, January 23rd, 2005 06:55 pm
Re: Blogging vs LJ
ya, i think just the fact that there are more people on the internet because of AOL is definitely a huge reason. the IQ factor has decreased and rudeness factor increased a lot. i remember years ago it was so much easier to meet really exceptionally cool people on the internet.
i also think people think there is more drama on LJ than anywhere else simply because it's seen and not hidden.
i have to remember that.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

and then THIS truly weird interaction!

edanya
edanya (4.232.228.245) Sunday, January 23rd, 2005 10:59 am
out of curiosity...
how come you added me to your friends list?

ana
ana clara voog (208.42.90.101) Sunday, January 23rd, 2005 06:42 pm
Re: out of curiosity...
because on january 20th, 2004, you added me to yours.

why did you add me?


edanya
edanya (4.232.228.30) Monday, January 24th, 2005 06:50 am
Re: out of curiosity...
because ive known of you for some time now, and ive lightened up a little in my old age, so i decided to check you out again.

you have no idea who i am, do you?


ana
ana clara voog (208.42.90.101) Monday, January 24th, 2005 06:56 am
Re: out of curiosity...
no, your name doesn't ring a bell to me.
and i don't know very many people who live in L.A.
who are you?


edanya
edanya (4.232.228.30) Monday, January 24th, 2005 06:56 am
Re: out of curiosity...
angelicdestiny

ana

ana clara voog (208.42.90.101) Monday, January 24th, 2005 06:59 am
Re: out of curiosity...
wow, weird.
why did you add me as a friend again? i don't get it.


edanya
edanya (4.232.228.30) Monday, January 24th, 2005 07:03 am
Re: out of curiosity...
it was so long ago, im not sure. maybe i was just curious as to what youd been up to after all that time.


ana
ana clara voog (208.42.90.101) Sunday, January 23rd, 2005 06:56 pm
Re: out of curiosity...
what prompted you to ask me this, all of a sudden?

edanya
edanya (4.232.228.30) Monday, January 24th, 2005 06:51 am
Re: out of curiosity...
because i was thinking about all the people in the world who dont like me, and you came to mind. then i wondered why you would add me as a friend.

ana
ana clara voog (208.42.90.101) Monday, January 24th, 2005 06:56 am
Re: out of curiosity...
why don't i like you?

edanya
edanya (4.232.228.30) Monday, January 24th, 2005 06:57 am
Re: out of curiosity...
i dont even remember. i think we both struck a nerve at one point.

ana
ana clara voog (208.42.90.101) Monday, January 24th, 2005 07:10 am
Re: out of curiosity...
oh ya. i don't remember what started it, but all of a sudden you just became a raving bitch to me , saying the meanest things i think i've ever heard for no apparent reason that i could understand. saying the most insultings things about me. i don't know why you did that. it really sucked. i guess i just chalked it up to that you hated what i stood for to you, at that time...whatever i symbolized to you...you seemed to hate it pretty bad. or you hated the way i lived my life...or something. but all of a sudden i was just like the most stupid and vile thing to you and you made sure to publically make fun of me as much as you could with your friends at the time and come into my journal and harrass me so much i finally had to ban you.

or...i just don't know what was going through your mind. but ya, that was really awful. :(

i'm glad to hear you've mellowed out.
and i hope you don't do that again.

i find it kind of odd and unnerving that you've made a new journal and then added me as a friend after all that. and then a year later, decide to tell me who you are.

is this your way of saying you're sorry or are you just poking at me with a stick out of curiosity?

i am wary.

edanya
edanya (4.232.228.30) Monday, January 24th, 2005 07:23 am
Re: out of curiosity...
sure, ill apologize. i know i tend to get riled up about things and go off, i just wish i could remember why that happened with you. but thats not why im here. i was just wondering why you would add me. evidently you had no clue who i was. dont worry, this wasnt about poking you. i was just curious. anyway, i apologize for anything i put you through.


ana
ana clara voog (208.42.90.101) Monday, January 24th, 2005 07:26 am
Re: out of curiosity...
well, thank you for apologizing.
that is a very civil thing to do.
apology accepted.

edanya
edanya (4.232.228.30) Monday, January 24th, 2005 07:28 am
Re: out of curiosity...
youre welcome :o)