january 15th, 2005

3:04pm

well, i lamely danced to the police's "ghost in the machine"
because it's the only thing i have on cassette to dance to.
i can listen to cassettes on my 4 track with headphones , now that i have my 4 track set up.
it's good to dance nakes in front of the mirror because it gives me motivation to dance to lose some weight.
i must say i am very rusty with the dance moves. i used to be such a good dancer, and now i am VERY rusty.
but i will get it back :)
i'm going to get into good shape again. oh yes.
my motivation is to look good for my album cover if i am going to be making a new record, which i am.
and the cover has been in my head for 7 or 8 years now and it's very elaborate and it will be the coolest album cover EVER, if i can pull it off somehow.
i moved the laptop into the thing room so i can take campix from it when i am in there. now i must jump in the bath.
jason's coming over to spend time.
he is going to play chess and i am going to start crocheting pluckyfluff's hat for her book.
i am making another soup and my house smells like onions and garlic.
but my bath smells like amber.
i had strawberries and water for breakfast.
if i dance everyday i should get back inot shape.
and NOT DRINK BEER! :)



1:11pm

i'm having LJ withdrawal since it's been down.
i'm listening to gwen's new cd finally in it's entirety.
i'm not liking it as much as i thought i would.
it's not as inventive and different as i thought it might be.
but maybe it will grow on me.
i think it's more of a summer album, definitely. it doesn't go with winter. it's a cute little pop album. maybe it will grow on me.
i just have to enjoy it for what it is.

11:51am

weird stressful dreams about retail.
my dad never emailed me back telling me he is glad i am ok.
my dad is so weird.
he opens up to me, i reach out, and he shuts back up again.

it's sunny today. this will help me get the stupid dreams to shed from my mind.

and thanks, mphand, i got the windows xp yesterday :)

2:09am

http://www.markholthusen.com/

1:00am

meow. *still feeling creeped out*

in other news, why is nasa only releasing this teensy weensy 210 pixels wide photos of titan?
and only 3? puh---leeeez. give us the BIG photos we KNOW you have them and the public paid for them!
we deserve to see bigger photos of this place. 210 pixels wide? give me a break!

12:20am

wow, i just received an email from my dad. he was freaking out because he had a bad dream about me and wondered if i was ok! that is highly unusual for my dad..and to even feel so freaked by it that he got up from his bed, turned on his computer, and emailed me about it right away!
i wonder what he dreamed? he said this:
"I just had a horrible dream about you. Are you okay? I couldn't
go to sleep with sending you an email. If there is anything wrong or
you're having any problem right now, please me know. I'm sorry I haven't
been in touch with you. I don't know what's wrong with me. I should be a
better parent to you. I just want you to know that I love you and care
about you and pray for you each day. In my dream you were wondering if
you were baptized and you are. Don't forget that.
Love, Dad."

tears in my eyes that he said all that and cared so much he emailed me.

i miss my dad :( i wish i saw more of him.

i hope i am going to be ok, too! i feel kind of freaked now
because the other day i had that dream that i saw myself dead, and then i had this other dream that i maybe saw myself dead , too and i woke up singing that john cale song "you're a ghost".

i don't FEEL like i am going to die.
in my waking life i don't have any intuitive feeling that i am heading towards an early death. but now that my dad wrote me that, i feel kind of uneasy :(

urgh.

send me some positive energy, k?

i guess he didn't say in the dream that i DIED, just that something awful had happened to me. but it had to have been some REALLY awful for him to write to me in the middle of the night about it!

on a more positive note, i just tried this amazing pickled garlic. whole cloves of garlic! not strong at all, in fact, it didn't even taste like garlic. and it was crunchy like a pickle! yum!
i hope it wasn't laced with poison or something! ack (just kidding).

*uneasy creepy feeling i have now*

i suppose that it's late at night doesn't help my weirded out feeling.
i don't want to go to sleep now because i am scared i am going to have nightmares :(
i don't want to have nightmares :( :( :(
rrrrrgh.

 

 



12:00am

nesting in the below zero north :)
nothing beats candles, spicy soups and furry kitty hats :)


olives! yum!

the most snow
we've gotten
so far.
not much!

my food
i bought!
makes me
so happy :)


my big mirror
and some of
my clean synths :)
so cozy to
make music
late at night :)

 

sausages
with wild rice
in them!

oh! i think i know how i can have a 2nd cam in the thing room until the 2nd camcorder is fixed.
i can use the laptop i was using when my harddrive died! duh!
i will try that out tomorrow :)

reading bill nelson's diary, his latest entry feels like i could have written it, almost.
going through the same troubles with household appliances,
having to explain your vocation to the maintenance people who get curious about all the "stuff".
how his house is like a museum and too filled with too much stuff but not being able to get rid of it
even tho we try to do the buddhist nonattachment thing.
even down to his idea of wanting to take a photo of all the things , to document them, and THEN get rid of them, but the thought of that is also a daunting task.
dealing with aging, shrugging at younger people, wanting to work on new stuff but also still stuck in the past working on past stuff. wanting to indulge in too much "sensuality" (food/wine) that it bogs one down.
having financial difficulty. etc etc...
i wish i knew bill nelson's email, because i really want to tell him about rhe "clearing your clutter" book!
his house is bogging down his body and vice versa!
he needs that book and some feng shui!
i wonder if i should just write to bill@billnelson.com and see if that gets to him?

it's sad that he is embarrassed about having been a pop musician.
listening to his record today and cleaning my musical instruents to it was very wonderful! it felt very circular.
listening to past musical influences that made me want to do music in the 1st place as i get the dust off my gear for the future.
and then going and reading his journal...just the fact that i can do that and that we both struggle with the same issues is very helpful to me.

i hope that people find my journal helpful, too.
it's good to know you are not alone.
i wonder if he gets hate mail, too, because of his journal?
i envy his ability to still be so publically frank about things.
i wonder how many people read his journal?
maybe he doesn't get hate mail because he doesn't list his email address on his site. and because he doesn't get it, he is able to still be so open publically.
i'm sure i've received way more hate mail than he has just because of the nature of my work.

i wish i could email him and tell him about my site.
i wonder what he would think of it?

+++

ET Visitors: Scientists See High Likelihood
By Leonard David
Senior Space Writer
posted: 14 January 2005:

http://www.space.com/searchforlife/et_betterodds_050114.html