december 13th, 2004
past anagrams	menu	utb

http://www.ana2.com/private/2cams.shtml

+++

i am assuming 98% of you are sick of me posting pictures of my dogs.
but my dogs are the lights of my life.
i only have 2 to 4 years left of pooka and deiter in my life.
all these photos have such special meaning to me.
i document my dogs for me.
these pictures trigger in me how they twitch when they dream,
how they interact with each other , how they make nests when they sleep, how they move and what sounds they make doing all these things.

i love my push-a-lushes-pigga-lig-a-logs.

+++

HOW FREAKY IS THIS IN RETROSPECT?

in april 2nd 2004 i wrote:
"before i die, i will have a tattoo.
maybe when i hit 40, i will go hog wild with tattoos.
if you don't know what kind of tattoo you want at 40, you probably never will (my guess at age 37...38 in a few weeks)."

april 6th i wrote:
"death
well, what a strange feeling. i did a directory search on people who live in the twin cities who are close to my age somewhat, and i run across mintfreak's journal. and i kind of remembered that username as she was friends with some of my lj friends so that makes me happy, so i clicked and i find out that she died last year! it made me feel sad and strange all over :(
it's always so weird to see someone's last diary entry. i wonder if she knew it would be her last one? and what a bummer to see that some people will still leave a couple stupid comments even to an entry about someone who has just died. unreal.
but most were sweet and kind.

i wonder what my last diary entry will be...

i wonder how many livejournals are still up whose owners have died?"

april 7th i wrote:
"funeral party
i think it would be interesting to have one's funeral BEFORE one died. this way everyone can say what they would like to say to you before you die and not feel any remorse for things left unsaid.
and some friends may never get to say goodbye as they will die first!
and you could make a huge happy celebration of it. of course, it's completely egotistical as well. but so are birthdays. it would be the opposite of a birthday party, but at the same time, exactly like a birthday party as death is also a birth. i think i may do this someday. i think it would be fascinating and fun to do :)
(i hope no one takes this entry as a sign that i am depressed. i am absolutely NOT depressed or suicidal in any way) :)"

april 9th i wrote:
"one year to live
if you found out you had only 1 year left to live,
what would you do with your life?"

april 23rd:

sonia dies. i talk about the last thing she writes in her journal. and i get my 1st tattoo on april 30th to honour her.

how WEIRD is that???

http://ana.livejournal.com/2004/04/23/
http://ana.livejournal.com/2004/04/24/
http://ana.livejournal.com/2004/04/25/
http://ana.livejournal.com/2004/04/26/
http://ana.livejournal.com/2004/04/28/
http://ana.livejournal.com/2004/04/29/

etc etc etc...more days after that...

+++

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?

touched a dead person (sonia), dyed my hair pink, had my 1st fashion show, got my 1st tattoo

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

i never make resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

not to any humans.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

yes, sonia

5. What countries did you visit?

only america, sadly.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?

i would have liked to record some music, gone outside more, and excercised more

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

the last time sonia did my hair, the day sonia, died, sonia's funeral, getting my tattoo of sonia's initial

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

staying alive, staying sane, keeping my dreams alive

9. What was your biggest failure?

i don't even want to talk about it.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

nothing physical

11. What was the best thing you bought?

yarn!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

bjork and as four

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

the entire governments of earth.

14. Where did most of your money go?

bills and yarn

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

yarn, experimental cooking, my dogs, the sun, the earth, documentaries, days with jason in bed, and as four!

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?

frou frou's "let go" , icehouse's "icehouse", goldfrapp's "hairy trees"

17. Compared to this time last year, you are:

thicker skinned, more heavily guarded, more detached from the idea of material abundance, more appreciative of the time we do have on earth and of youth in particular.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

gone outside more and rolled in the grass and looked at the stars. rollerskated.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

less worrying. less tv.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

with my best friend, carolyn

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?

i fall in love every day with my boyfriend, jason

23. What was your favourite TV program?

CSI..
but the night that fantasia sang "summertime" on american idol and then she won was sweeeeeeet!

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

oh ya. lots, sadly.

25. What was the best book you read?

did i finish any books in 2004? i don't think so...

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

frou frou!

27. What did you want and get?

i wanted yarn, i got yarn.
i wanted money, TONS of money...but you can't always get what you want...but i got what i need :)

28. What was your favourite film of this year?

oh man...so many...and i never remember the names of films.
gosh, i'll have to think on that.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

i was 38 and i had mexican food with friends.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

tantric sex

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?

whatever bjork was wearing, ideally. and as four!

32. What kept you sane?

my dogs, yarn, my sense of wonder, my boyfriend, members of ana2, the grace of the universe, fuzzybumblebee, the sun, coca cola.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

bjork

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

the gay rights issue

35. Who did you miss?

my mom , the way she was.
and sonia

36. Who was the best new person you met?

i didn't meet fuzybumblebee in 2004, but i'd have to say that our friendship really grew leaps and bounds this year, and i feel we really got to know each other for real this year.
every year, it's like meeting her for the 1st time and being more amazed each time.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:

sometimes i just have to suck it up and be an "adult" about things.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

frou frou's "let go"

Let Go

Drink up baby down
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing a tragedy
These mess-ups
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like

So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it gives
And then advances with the form
So, honey, back for more
Can't you see that all the stuff's essential?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can wait
You roll your eyes
We've twenty seconds to comply

So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's al right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

10:23pm

6:54pm

thank you, stan, for my vacuum!! :)

im very excited about vacuuming my entire house tomorrow!
it's too dark now to really vacuum in the complete way i want to.
i know my mood is going to improve considerably when i can have clean floors again.
it really makes me depressed and drags my energy down when i have to look at a filthy floor.
i'm sure you know what i mean.
and i'm sure me typing about my vacuum cleaner is boring you to tears so i'll stop now :)

i'm going to relax and do a bit of crocheting now.

my house smells really delicious from the soup, which will be done any minute now :)
i adore curry.

i feel happy with what i accomplished today.

6:20pm

the vacuum arrived!!! i'm going to put it together now :)

and my hair turned out really nice but it's too dark now to show u the exact colour of it.

 

5:29pm

the yellow in my hair is so pretty. it turned my hair ino the colour of fire.
i might do all my hiar like this later on, i think.
but i'll see what colour it looks like when it's washed out and dried.

 

5:00pm

making another soup.
curry, beef, onion salt, tahini, pepper.
so far no veggies or anything else in it because i don't have anything else.

having a second cam is nice.
i think i may dye part of my hair yellow now, which will turn parts of it orange so i will have pink, ornage, and yellow hair.

i was fuming about something today that i can't write about here,
but i am working through it and trying to not make a big deal out of it and just try not to ruminate about it. it happened a few days ago. sometimes it takes me awhile to get angry about something thoroughly. like at first it's such a shock and other things factored in that caused me to put the anger on the back burner. but today, it came to the front burner and i was quite pissed off.
i hope i will just be able to let go of it in a few hours because i really hate giving so much of my energy being angry and wounded.

so, i just did what i could to not fall into a major depressive angry cycle and kept busy with the 2nd cam, taking a bath, making soup, and now to dyeing my hair. i just want to stay as positive as i can. i really hate feeling so negative and wounded. i'm so sick of feeling that way.

 

3:37pm

2:19pm

it takes almost an hour for me to fill my tub with water because there is something wrong with the pressure or whatever of my hot water.
i need to get the fixer guy in here to fix it.

2:10pm

i turned cam2 back on.
i may as well get a bit of use out of it. if i turn it off and then turn it back on again, it will work sometimes for a few minutes or an hour until it screws up again. so....i'll just use it intermittedly like that until i take it in t the geek squad again.

2:06pm

oooo, i wonder if my vacuum will come today???!!! :)

1:59pm

brrr. it's only 18 degrees outside.
i've been wanting it to be sunny an cold so i can go outside and take photos of myself wearing that huge crochet monster thing outfit i made for my last show. today would be a perfect day to do it but i don't feel like getting ready to do that.
it says tomorrow will be sunny , too, and 30 degrees, so i am thinking maybe i will do that tomorrow , and get up earlier so i have even more time with the sunlight.
i want to do it in my favourite alley, because i think the colourfulness against the drabness of the alley will be really nice.
and then after i get done taking pictures of that thing, i'm going to deconstruct it and turn it into a sculpture pillow.

 

1:49pm

sleeping positions and the fuct cam2

 

1:19pm

turning off cam2 now, as you can only see the lower 1/3rd of a picture in it :/
back into geek squad it goes for the FOURTH time.

1:04pm

there you have it, the camcorder fucking up.
WHY will it fuck up for me but not for the geek squad people???
i will print these photos out and show them that i am NOT imagining things.
and then they better give me a new camcorder.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

also i need to get back in the habit of getting up at 10am and not getting up at 1pm.
getting up at 1pm bums me out.

but hey it's SUNNY today!

so i better enjoy all 2 hours i will have of it.