november 24th, 2004

a lj community about LIP GLOSS with over 1,500 members ?

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the virgin mary cheese sandwhich went for $28,000!!!!

 

i show deiter's x ray to jason.
then we watch "the day after tomorrow"

 

6:08pm

i wonder if this company:

www.anacam.it

is ever upset that i have anacam.com?


so weird there is an itlaian elevator making company that has the same name as my site.

6:01pm

i wonder if i should dye my hair more pink for thanksgiving?
i could also do blue.

5:45pm

i didn't make it to the p.o. but i did get to the vet to get the x ray and they showed it to me.
now i have a photo of deiter's lungs, intestines, and some bones.
i wish his heart had been in there. i'd love to see his little sweet heart.
his little tail bones are so cute :)

in a roundabout way (because i ran into the halcycon guy in the pink hair lj community of all places) i found out that many people thought my acceptance speech at the sxsw awards in 1999 was the most hilarious stream of consciousness woody allen speech. i have no idea what i said but i'm curious now as to what it was!

1 hour until "america's next top model" woo hoo!

dieter is feeling even more better, i can tell :)

i forgot that i can't go to the post office tomorrow because it's thanksgiving.
what are you doing for thanksgiving?

 


3:28pm

jacqui sent this to me and i just loved it so i am posting it here:

"There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening
that is translated through you into action,
and because there is only one of you in all time,
this expression is unique.
If you block it,
It will never exist through any other medium
and be lost.
The world will not have it.
It is not your business to determine how good it is;
Not how valuable it is;
Nor how it compares with other expressions.
It is your business to keep it yours, clearly and directly,
To keep the channel open.
You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work.
You have to keep open and aware directly
to the urges that motivate you.
Keep the channel open.
No artist is pleased.
There is no satisfaction whatever at any time.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction;
A blessed unrest that keeps us marching
And makes us more alive than others."

- Martha Graham to Agnes DeMille

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i'm still catching up on household and business chores.

1:36pm

we are the sleepers

deiter is a bit better. he seems more cheerful. he still has pain , tho, and still cannot jump onto the nbed.
but he isn't squealing in pain as much and we all got a good night's sleep.

today i have to get to the post office and mail those things i was going to mail before all the usernames and passwords for all of you were erased and then deiter got sick. *whew* just trying to catch up!

then walk to the vet to pick up that x ray. i'm so curious as to what it will look like.

i'd like to get to the bank, too. but i think that would be too much walking for me.

just trying to stay on top of things here.

so much to do...

tomorrow is thanksgiving at jason's parent's.
i have to say i don't think i am much in the mood for thanksgiving this year.
i remember the days when i used to just spend it alone with a swanson's turkey tv dinner, and that sounds mighty nice right about now :)

or sometimes carolyn would come over and we would make instant mashed potatoes and instant stuffing and have a can of cranberry jelly and we would watch a movie :)

i'm in the mood for something low key like that.
i would really have loved to just make a turkey myself and just have jason and i eat it in bed while watching cartoons :)

jason's thanksgiving vacation isn't very relaxing for him, so far.
yesterday...deiter and the vet and then he cleaned his apartment for movie night last night.
today he is just being alone and playing chess and then he has his chess lesson at 5.
tomorrow, turkey day
friday my dad asked me if i wanted to go to a concert with him but i think will decline because that is just too much "going out and doing things" for me. even tho i feel bad declining because i don't get to see my dad very much. but there is only so much "doing stuff" i can do before i just overload. and i guess i am still a bit overloaded from our last conversation we had. but at the same time i want to see him just so i can have it be a mellow time together and i don't have this unresolved feeling with him that i do have right now. but gah, i just don't have the energy for it. i mean, his reply to me over what i emailed him was "this doesn't seem very scientific it seems moe antedotal. who wrote it?" and i did give him the url so he could easily go and see thhat the person who wrote it was not a scientist or a doctor, but just a woman who has dealt with narcissists all her life. i didn't send it because it was "scientific" i sent it because i resonated with it. because her experience was my experience.
i;ve read enough books now and stuff on the net and stuff to know that what she is saying is spot on, at least for me.
why does everything need to be said in a "scientific" way in order to be taken seriously?
that really irks me in a big way.
and i guess that is a big reason i don't want to see dad on friday is because i am irked at him over that.

i don't need my experience to be "scientificly proven" in order for it to be my true experience.
and i don't need to express it in a scientific way to get validation.
i do NOT need his validation on this.
i don't need anyone's validation on it.
i know damn well what my experince IS.

1:22am

still getting caught up on making people the right usernames and passwords.
i can't believe i am still functioning. sooooo tirrred.

i think i have them all correct now except for 10 people i have emailed and haven't heard back from yet.
into bed now i go.
please god let me dream a deep dreamless sleep.