today's anagram

november 10th, 2004
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10:44pm

people can be so cruel. epecially women sometimes when it comes to their jealousy of other women's bodies.
i hate it when people with low self esteem cut other people down and their bodies down just because they don't feel good about their own bodies. i see this all the time.
like this woman is dogging on cher for gaining a bit of weight and saying she has thunder thighs and should have liposuction and good grief it hurts to see that.
and i know this woman, herself, is overweight.
anyway. augh. just augh.
people are so pissed at cher for looking good and being successful for so long that if she gains any weight at all they rip her apart. gah. i hate when i see that. it hurts. it's just so awful.
and you know in this picture, i guess it hurts so much because i have thighs like that..and THAT is thunder thighs?
and fuck, people are just so cruel about women's looks as they get older, especially if they were once beautiful. and you know, it's gonna happen to me. it already does. and i just have to remind myself that it's not about me when they say that, it's about them. but it still hurts. and i don't look forward to this aging thing.
and there will be this time when people say about me "she used to be so pretty" and, god, aging sucks and is scary and people are so cruel.
i remember when i gained that weight a few years ago and people were so so so cruel to me about it.but i have to remember that there were also a lot of people who were really kind to me about it.and we're all going to age. all of us (well, unless we die young).
that's just the way it is. no one is immune to it.
but it sure doesn't help to see such cruelty in the world about it.
i guess i'm not so scared to grow old and get all shrivelled,
i'm just not looking forward to the cruel comments i will inevitably get.
but then, i got cruel comments even at my most physically beautiful, so there you go...
some people just really suck.
and it really bugs me the most when i see people i would consider nice good decent human beings doing these cruel behaviors. that is when it gets to me the most.
how can nice people be so mean?

oh and here's the picture of cher, ya what a fat cow *sarcasm*
i actually think she looks quite good with a few extra pounds.

10:07pm

the more i think about it, i just don't know if i can deal with having strings in my face.
that kind of creeps me out.
and i really don't think i could go through a procedure like that AWAKE.
i would hyperventilate for sure. oh bah.

i've been categorizing all my images i've saved off the wen for hours. and i'm not even anywhere near done.
my god, i have saved a lot of images. and they are all so cool.
but i have to stop doing it now because it's starting to make me cranky.

tomorrow i'm going with fuzzy to the place where we both bough our spinning wheels. her name is detta and she's having a sale on fiber. i can't afford any, so i'm not going to be getting any. i'm going along for the ride and to keep fuzzy company and also we are going to stop at the abandoned house we stopped at last time and i tried to take pix but we were being eaten alive by mosquitoes and so couldn't.
this time there should be no mosquitos so i hope to take some cool pix for you!

6:08pm

time to eat something, start new hat, and then wacth america's next top model (i know, i know...i'm sorry i'm addicted).

sunday i go see the opera "madame butterfly" with my dad. yay!

5:26pm

i am so excited because today on oprah i found out about this thing called a "thread lift" or "feather lift" where they can move your face up a bit with threads, but it requires no cutting. so it's good for people who don't need a facelift but want a little lift. and a facelift costs 8,000 or more. and this only costs 600! kick ass!
that is exactly what i was looking for! just a bit of a lift, but i don't need a freaking facelift, you know?

and it last 2 to 3 years! yippee! i have been researching it online for a few hours and will research it much much more. to any of you who are going to say "oh, you don't need that done" etc etc. well, just let me say i know what i like and want to do and that is that, so please don't tell me i look just fine the way i am. i know i look fine, but i DO want a bit of a lift to just certain areas of my face. very subtle. but it would mean a lot to ME. and make me feel better because indeed, my face is starting to sag, but only a tiny bit. and if i can rectify that for a small price and with a noninvasive surgery that requires no cutting, then hey, why now do it if it makes me happier?

they don't even put you under (although i wish they did because hacing needles stuck in my face freaks me out) , and it only takes about an hour. but ya...i will definitely research this as much as i can.

and if anyone has any research to show me, do go ahead on that. i just don't want to hear any negativity about how i shouldn't do this or that to my body, because, as you know, i'm pro-body modification and i don't want a lecture.

and 2 before and after pix i found:

this one is really subtle:

i'm probably not going to be one of those women who gets so much plastic surgery that it starts looking ridiculous (ok, my boobs, look a little ridiculous...but hey...), but as long as i can do little things to just tick back a few years and NOT look ridiculous, why not?

another thing i want sooooo much is teeth whitening.
i have that gel you stick on and had forms made from my teeth , but putting that gel on makes me teeth sooo sensitive, owie.
i wish i could just afford the laser kind.

here i am wishing for this stuff and i can't even afford food!
pretty hilarious, really. so american.

4:50pm