october 29th, 2004

mouseovers:

3:59pm

i think it is a very dark humoured sarcastic ironic statement about how we, as westerners, commercialize evil to the point of ridiculousness that the evil loses all meaning and even power (sort of).

i mean, look at halloween as we celebrate it
(not the actual pagan holiday which is about a new year)..
in which we glorify and even make cute things like death, the devil and demons and all things dark like zombies, vampires, murder, blood, headless corpses, ghosts, etc etc etc.

i mean when you think about it, that's pretty fuct.

so here, we can see "evil" in a new light.
these costumes here, to me, represent the most present day images of evil , humanities dark side and ignorance and fear and pain.

here it is, made cute...like little chocolate devils and cartoon beheaded things, etc.

it makes one look at how we "fluff" up evil and make it into a joke. something cute to dress our kids in. something commercial to be sold.

3:37pm

so funny! i misread this one place that was about the hebrew alphabet.
i thought it read :
"THERE ARE 22 LETTERS IN THE HEBREW ALPHABET; FIVE ARE WRITTEN DIFFERENTLY AT THE END OF THE WORLD, IN FINAL POSITION "

but it's WORD, not world.

when i thought it was world, i thought how cool that this alphabet would express itself differently at the end of the WORLD! (not that there would be anyone around to use it) and i also thought that it made more sense then that the bible says "in the beginning was the WORD". it makes the aphabet more "living" that it actually changes at the time of the end of the world :)

because, as i found out today also, they believe that the hebrew alphabet PREDATES the universe.
that the alphabet came 1st!

i like my idea better :) i think it SHOULD be world, not word :)

very very interesting :)

 

3:30pm

http://www.zaalberg.freeserve.co.uk/hebrew.htm

http://www.kabbalah.info/engkab/zohar/CIRCLE_OF_LETTERS.htm

3:08pm

(this conversation will only make sense to you if you read my 1st entry today and then read in order)

my 1st guess is that it must have something to do with war and peace because i felt a little aha! when i discovered he wrote it, and i think, it's the only tolstoy book i know about. also war and peace feels like a number 2, to me. 2 is duality (war/peace).
(the roman numeral 2, the 2 pigs).but i might be grasping at straws with that, that is just my 1st gut feeling on it.
but i will investigate further.
here is war and peace online!

http://www.friends-partners.org/oldfriends/literature/war_and_peace/war-peace_intro.html

2:58pm

the thing is ...where does leo tolstoy fit into my dream?

what is THAT about? i don't think i've ever read any of his books.

i'm here 1st to learn about him:

http://www.ltolstoy.com/

and weirdly there is a symbol that looks an awful lot like a chet on the 1st page.

what alphabet is that? russian?
i wonder if it corresponds to the hebrew?

also, more of my dream, remember now, before the guy and i went "into" the video game, well, actually the 1st thing i wanted to do when i was in it is have sex, for some reason.
and i was ahead of the guy in the snowy path.
but he pushed me down to the ground (and my spine and vagina lined up vertically with the path in the snow) and stepped over me and then up walked the pigs and then he shot them both.

more symbolism.

it's amazing how much symbolism i can pack into a 2 minute long dream.

i think this guy was just supposed to represent men in general, because he had no identity to me.
i don't see his face and i don't even get a sense of his personality.
all i know is that he was a guy, and that's it.

 

2:51pm

 

2:40pm

i ordered philip k. dick's "valis" for 5 bucks.
kick ass. i didn't know he had written SO many books!
so far i've only read one, i think, "do androids dream of electric sheep"
i'm glad i have so many more to read :)

2:30pm

i drew the pig from my dream and it added even more meaning.
it never ocurred to me before that if i drew parts of my dreams i could glean even more meaning from them, just as writing them down gleans more meaning for me. how multilayered!
so, after i drew it out, i realized that the pig snout loks more like a roman numeral 2 than an H. but a roman numeral 2 look like an H on it's side.

i also should mention there were 2 pigs.
and also, there must be meaning that the chet was the pig's snout (rather than it's eyes or something)

i wonder if pig's can smell better than they can see?
anyone know?

1:51pm

adding links here so i can return to them:

http://www.inner.org/HEBLETER/chet.htm

http://www.derech.org/chet.html

http://sourceryforge.org/w/The_Chariot

http://www.kokhavivpublications.de/mirkolummert/hebrew.html

http://library.thinkquest.org/18054/data/text/german/d32.html

http://www.biblewheel.com/RR/PKD_Divine.asp

1:21pm

Main Entry: Enneagram
Function: noun
Definition: a system of spiritual psychology based on an ancient Sufi typology of nine personality types or primary roles with the recognition of one's type tantamount to a spiritual awakening
Etymology: Greek ennea 'nine'

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and about chet:

http://www.biblewheel.com/Wheel/Spokes/Chet_Eight.asp

http://www.biblewheel.com/Wheel/Spokes/Chet_AV.asp

ok how WEIRD is it that this is about circumcision?
which is my OTHER hugely symbolic hebrew dream just the other day?

oh weird and cool, that really ancient forms of chet DO look like a capital letter H.


1:08pm

ok, how weird is it that i guessed right that chet corresponded with the #8?
and that chet was an H?
how bizarre and freaky and cool is it that in my subconscious dream mind i KNOW the hebrew alphabet?

ok, so here was my deduction:
the pig snout looked like an H which in my dream i knew corresponded with a hebrew letter.
i go online and find the letter which i think most looked like the pig snout which was "chet"

i do , indeed, find out that chet corresponded with the letter H.
the letter H, in the western alphabet corresponds with the number 8...and so does chet!

and my numbers, in numerology, 8 plays a key role. most of my numbers are eights.
so...these dogs dressed as pigs (which are obviously symbols of my dogs who i call "piglets"...and funnily enough i had a dream of pooka before pooka was born where he came to me in the shape of a pig!)
anyway...

so...trying to figure out what my dream is trying to tell me.

somehow, my dogs/the pigs and i are one.
or at least part of me...my path.
my dogs , to me, are innocence and unconditional love and living in the now.
which i am quite far from , at this time.
somehow this #8 in my life is a pair of binoculars.
i am meant to look at something far away through it.
see my path well in advance?

but the guy in my dream, doesn't understand what he is seeing, thinks it is the enemy because he
thinks he sees his OWN writing on it and doesn't understand how this pig could possibly be projecting back his OWN mind and is freaked out by that and shoots it dead in it's path.

ok. ya. i can see now what that dream is , a bit.




12:56pm

looking at the hebrew alphabet, "chet" is the closest symbol to what the pigsnout-binoculars-H looked like (see below dream).
and then, weirdly enough on this enneagram of the hebrew alphabet, chet does correspond to the letter H

http://www.meru.org/Posters/enneagram.html

but i don't know how to decipher an enneogram or even know what the word "enneogram" means.
so, i will keep studying this...

according to the enneagram, H symbolises a fenced in closed field.

 

12:29pm

it's 72 degrees and sunny!
we have the WEIRDEST weather lately!
it's verrrrry humid.

i definitely need to get outside today, i wonder if i will?

first i MUST watch this:

Friday, October 29th, 2004 11:59 am


tsenft's dissertation defense will be webcast here:

http://www.terrisenft.net/defense.html

It starts at 2PM EST and should end around 3:30

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her bio:

http://www.echonyc.com/~janedoe/bio/bio.html

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woo hoo!
go terri go! :)

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i have this awful image of the last few minutes of a dream stuck in my head.
i watched some guy play a weird video game of some tolstoy book.
and in the beginning it was 2 little pigs coming at us in the snow.
but they were, i think, just dogs dressed up as cartoon pigs.
and the guy took out the gun and shot them both in the head and you could see their brains.
it was just awful because these were friendly pigs/dogs and it just ripped my heart out, even tho it was only a video game.

these dogs didn't even know they were dressed as pigs, and the guy shot them because they had something that disturbed him written on their heads. like maybe it was this guy's own writing and he freaked because he didn't understand how his writing made it onto the pig heads when only he knew of it.

someone was screwing with his head.

but these dogs didn't even know they were dressed as pigs and so when he shot them once they even did a little friendly cute bow thing that meant "wiat! why are you doing this to us? we are friendly!"

and then he shot a second time, just putting a ton of bullets into their heads until we could see their brains.

god, my heart breaks even thinking of this.

why do i have to dream such horrible things that break my heart?

i don't want these images in my head!

another weird thing is that the pig snouts stuck really far out , and i'd have to draw it for you for you to understand...but the pig snouts came out of their heads like a pair of binoculars,
and it almost looked like a captital letter H.

and then i wondered if that H corresponded with a letter from the hebrew alphabet, and if so, what was the symbolism of it?

now i want to find a hebrew letter that looks like the letter H.