october 25th, 2004
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awesome courtney love article and interview:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2004/10/25/DDG4F9EUE71.DTL

even if you don't like her or her music, this interview is GREAT.
i love how her mind works. her dark wry sense of humour :)

10:32pm

good grief. i've had rather a long uncreative spell, yarn-wise!
family troubles, a documentary filmcrew, other things...has taken most my time. sapped my energy for crocheting.
i think i need to work on something that doesn't "mean" anything for a bit.
y'know? something that is not so "precious" to get my motor running again.

also, i think this has been a time for me of taking IN things , rather than output mode. or rather, that is probably an excuse, at this point.

i keep getting railroaded to the side of the road with this continuing family trouble thing i have lately. it makes me want to just lay on the floor and drink beer. crocheting used to be something i did BECAUSE i was nervous, so it's rather odd, this time to be nervous yet not be able to crochet. maybe it's a different kind of nervous. yes, it is. i decided as i was typing that last sentence.
i'm typing outloud.

it is a "sucked dry of all energy" kind of nervous.
there are many varities of nervous, for me.(how do you spell that word? vareities??? gah, no that's not it either...yes, you can see my state of mind. complete attention deficit disorder mixed with zero energy..no focus.
shields down. i need all hands on deck. oxygen levels critical. we need more dylithium crystal (star trek geeks say,"hey...ho...hey...ho.." *mind wanders off*...)

but ya, to work on something not "precious" would be good.
something with the beginning or end completely gone...pointless, ugly, maybe even stupid. yes, definitely stupid. mentally impaired. the fetal alcohol syndrome hat. yes, my next creation! i see a trend. absolutely.

just to get my train back on the tracks...

9:24pm

things i cannot live without (besides food, shelter, water):

1. clinique soft conceal corector- fair
2. cover girl pressed powder- ivory
2. chapstick or lipgloss or any sort (almost)--preferrably a mint flavour
3. coca cola
4. yarn and crochet hook
5. incense (of almost any variety) and candles of any sort
6. black leggings
7. cool boots
8. lotion
9. a digital camera
10. a pencil, pen and paper
11. soap, toothbrush, toothpaste, tampons (duh.)
12. 80s music
13. mach3 shavers
14. if i am lucky, xanax

8:25pm

holy cow! 4 japanese chins and 1 shih tzu in a car with me and fuzzy and jason and her son.
and they all climbed on top of me at once like i was a tree.
all the leashes getting tangled.
and at the park, watching over mine like a nervous mom, without leashes (but the place was fenced in)
with all the other dogs, who were big and brown, and mine all fluffy and shy.
they must have peed and pooped and drooled on everything in sight.
trying to keep them all together. so many butts to be sniffed.
lord, and i thought i would actually be able to take pictures of this?
it was wonderful for the dogs to get more aquainted with other varities and be able to run (or in pooka's case...slurk)
without a leash. but i was a nervous mother hen.
if we just take them there more often (although soon it will be too cold) then it'll work out better, i think..or maybe as they get to know it better it'll be HARDER to herd them. i don't know.
but now they are all tuckered out with their dirty paws on my bed.
*sigh*
i love my boys, i sure do :)

it's perfect weather for halloweening.
if it stays like this.
it'll be the warmest halloween in years.

3:21pm

ok, i did write my uncle in law, because i was finally able to condense what i wanted to say:

"thanks for your dismissive response.
spying. how mature.
i can't believe i used to look up to you people as a child.
did it ever occur to any one of you to just ask ME DIRECTLY what is going on or don't you have the guts?
or would you rather just act like a bunch of gossipy old ladies waggling their fingers at me because that's a more fun passive aggressive game to play?
you know i'm not some online game for you to play when you get bored.
i am a human being.
GROW UP."

off to eat and bathe and run in the park and take photos and LIVE MY LIFE.

3:00pm

took me til now to finish the photocontest stuff 'cause i had to dig through a billion photos to find the one entry i wanted to show and then i thought and thought about the next theme, and i put in "all hallo's eve meaning" into google because i thought something along those lines would be good, and the very 1st link in google for that in an analog entry of mine from 1997! too weird!

now i am going to take a quick bath because in an hour jason and i and fuzzybumblebee and her husband, and all our dogs are going to a dog park!
it weirdly warm here for october. right now it's 55 degrees.
i hope to take some nic photos for you of fall leaves and puppies running.
it will be the 1st time i get to meet fuzzy's new japanese chin!
so it'll be 4 black and white japanese chins all together (and one caramel shih tzu)!
it's going to be so cute i'm not even going to be able to stand it!

and i must eat something even tho i am not hungry.
i still feel rather buzzy from no xanax.

 

2:15pm

3 ana-mations by "aim baby"
give them time to download...

 

1:40pm

i love bill nelson's diary.
he is so candid and human and funny and wonderful.
and i can relate to a lot of what he is saying.

i had long exhausting dreams of trying to set up camp somehwere, trying to buy food with no money, trying to save lost kittens, joining some archaic military and trying to waltz horribly with ronald reagan as we slowly slid downhill.

duran duran is on the late late show tonight!

from this journal entry you'd think it was 1984, not 2004.

1:36pm

so much to do today! so much to get caught up on!
email, post office, cleaning, get up anapix, add up votes for photocontest, etc etc...all these little things add up to so much time.

i decided not to write my uncle-in-law back.
he's not worth my time.

+++

who will be the next president?

in your gut of guts...who do you feel is going to win this election?
i have a horrible sinking feeling it will be bush, even tho i'm not crazy for kerry, i can't bear to see bush's hunched over body and smirking face on tv for 4 more years. gah.

and then i wish i could feel it was going to be REALLY over on nov 2nd, but i just know that this is going to go to the court's for eons just like last time...so it'll just be this long exhausting drawn out process of hell.

but i'm voting for kerry, not because of the war so much, but because he is pro-choice and will let gay people have "civil unions", which is better than seeing my rights over my body erode away and better than passing a constitutional ammendment that says marriage must be between a man and a woman.
and the world, in general, wants kerry over bush so i think he will be a better mediator. bush had burned too many bridges, internationally, as well as i think bush is truly a mentally ill sociopath.