october 2nd, 2004
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7:19pm

goodbye brown.

ok, it's official. it's time to say goodbye to myself as a brunette.
i am bleaching my hair as of right this minute. it's already on.
ahhh, the beautiful smell of hair bleaching chemicals. how i have missed thee :)
i made it 2 years or so without bleaching my hair or touching it with any dye whatsoever.
and that is the world record for me.
life is too short to live with a hair colour you can't stand.
if my hair bleaches to some sort of stupid shade of blonde, i may then dye it pillar box red.
or pink. but i don't have any pink dye on me, at the moment. so i'll have to go get some.
pink is the only colour i have not been yet. and it's my favourite colour besides red and white.
i just look horrible in pink (pastel pink) but i may have to do pink anyway, because fuck it.
life's too short to NOT have pink hair.
or maybe i'll go get some more bleach and bleach it totally white.
and then maybe have pink and white hair.
just no more brown. anything but brown.
i have tried with every fiber of my being to be a brunette.
but it makes me absolutely miserable to be a brunette.
i am definitely a platinum blonde or a redhead.
maybe even blue or green once in awhile.

i'm new wave. i just am. i cannot fight it.

5:49pm

fuck brown hair.
i'm even thinking pink.
pink hair.
i gave my pink dye to fuzzybumblebee.

4:14pm

i have not done anything with my hair.
but i did make myself a fried egg sandwhich.
and i am making myself a mellow yet uplifting/bittersweet music playlist. i'm not sure i have things in a good order. and i might take a bunch off. also, i should rip the rest of my cds and make the ULTIMATE playlist for these kinds of songs because there are SO many that should be on here.

here it is so far:

icehouse-icehouse
icehouse-no promises ( remix)
icehouse-hey little girl
icehouse-hey little girl (remix)
coldplay-clocks
ed harcourt- god protect your soul
talk talk- ascension day
emiliana torrini- baby blue
emiliana torrini- to be free
emiliana torrini- dead things
frou frou- let go
frou frou- must be dreaming
goldfrapp-utopia
goldfrapp- utopia (remix)
pet shop girls- west end girls
duran duran- come undone
when in rome- the promise
heaven 17- let me go (remix)
madonna- bedtime story
portishead- it could be so sweet
r.e.m.- everybody hurts
the stranglers- golden brown
the stranglers- midnight summer dream
suede- sleeping pills
throwing muses- two step
tones on tail- lions
tones on tail- real life
venus hum- illumine
venus hum- the bells
venus hum- montana
venus hum- hummingbirds
venus hum-hummingbirds (different version)
air- run
air- another day
air- cherry blossom girl
oasis- wonderwall
india arie- because i am a queen
fantasia- summertime

+++

so many things going on this week.
monday: mark arrives (but i don't think i will see him that day)
tuesday- mark's presentation at night
wednesday- see mark at night for coffee maybe, but i also have to clean like a maniac that day
thursday- have to stay home all day to wait for fire inspectors (maybe, marl will come over and spend time with the dogs and i for tea and crackers as we wait for the fire inpectors? hehe! oh what fun! no...truly...it WILL be!) , and at night, movie night at jason's
friday- informal dinner party at carolyn's for mark.

+++

jason tried to set up these wireless speakers that his parents gave him for me. but they did not work at all. they were very staticy.
someday i will have nice speakers again...
i will dream of them.

1:53pm

jason is going to take me to go pick up my camcorder tomorrow. so tomorrow or the next day ana2 should have 2 cams. yay!

i have so much cleaning to do. on the 7th the fire dept inspects all apartments so i have to clean and get rid of all my extension cords (for that day)

and on monday, my friend mark from negativland come into town for a week for this seminar thing he is attending.
and he is going to give a very interesting presentaion on negativland at the oak street cinema on tuesday night at 7! tickets are only 8 bucks so you better go!

and a few days during the week, i'll probably be hanging out with him a few times doing who knows what :)
and he's staying at my friend, carolyns house. i wish i had room for him over here, too.

the trees are really starting to turn colour quickly now. so it'll be pretty for him.

it's 54 degrees now. i guess i could go for a walk in that. i can handle 54.

i'm messing around with dread falls. the ones i made for sonia's funeral.
my hair is long enough that i can put it in one big ponytail towards the top back of my head. and i've attached them there. and it looks pretty ok. and it's a lot easier to do than attaching them to 2 ponytails , one on each side of my head. i know, you are all thrilled about this, i'm sure. yes, please, let me talk about more details about my hair and things i am thinking about my hair. i know you are DYING to know.

if i dye my hair red, tho. i think i could take all the weirder coloured dreads i have, like the white pink, red, yellow, and make a cool fall with that and it would look pretty kick ass.

makenzie finally called me about doing something with my hair, but i just don't have any money to pay her now.
and i don't know if she would do it for only a mannequin and no money.
but i should call and ask her anyway.

12:20pm

i'm wearing my wig and playing my 80's music and fondling my bottles of manic panic pillarbox red and boxes of bleach.

a photo i found on the net somewhere...

11:22am

happy belated birthday thingie!!

today is cold! right now it's only 42 degrees and sunny!
brrrrrrr! it's supposed to get up to 56 today. i hope it does! because 42 is wayyy toooo cold! although, in the winter, if it ever gets up to 42 we (minnesotans) think it's practically summer and are jubilant about it.

idon't remember much about my dreams except that i remember i was some sort of prostitute dressed like a clown, in a way.

i guess some people could see me that way, and i definitely am a bit of a clown!

the part of the dream that sucked is that we (and my pack of prostitute friends) had to give blow jobs to foreign dignitaries..., like the emperor of china and such...out in public. way freaking gross. and i remember giving one a ride in a baby stroller.
i don't think the emporer is a dignitary and im not even sure if i have spelled that word correctly.

i can see the obvious symbolism in that. yuck.

i smell popcorn coming through my window (in reality)

i wish i knew of a cash machine nearby that was not broken so i could go to the farmers market. i never went ONCE all summer long.
that is pretty sad. oh, well.

last night jason and i watched the ternal sunshine of the spotless mind (i think that is what it was called), and it was really good. i knew that if i saw that movie i'd want to dye my hair red, even more.
and yep, had i not been so tired last night after we watched it, i would have!

now today i don't feel AS drastic of an urge. but it's still an idea rolling around in my head of things i might do today.

i keep looking at brunettes with long hair everywhere i go and everywhre i see to see if i can connect with that as something i want to be.
i look at the women in the elevators and outside and on tv...
and the only person who can make me not dye my hair is bjork.
and the occasional photo on the internet.

but i am not bjork, or any of these other women.
i am me. and i cannot deal with the #$%&* brown.