october 1st , 2004
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4:52pm

oprah was gutwrenching today.

3:53pm

happy birthday melena :)

2:20pm

i wondered when my mom would get around to trying email me at my hotmail account.
well, it happened today. she wanted to let me know that i didn't need to block her emails since she wouldn't be sending me any since it was clear to her i didn't want any contact from her. nice to send me an EMAIL telling me you won't be EMAILING me.
so i blocked her from that email now, too.
she said she hoped that i'd leave that email open to her in case of an emergency like a death. i told her that if there was an emergency, i would hear it from dad. i told her not to contact me further about anything ever again. and i told her i am blocking her email from that account, too.
augh. stomache ache and anxiety.

then went to her lj (i know i know...) because i just knew there was going to be something there. and, of course, there was. a big dramatic goodbye again. saying that what i have written about her is lies and distortions and i have "stoned" her and not treated her like a human being and so she is leaving lj AGAIN. and 2 seconds after i read that, her journal was deleted.

she'll be back.
in fact, i'd bet $666 bucks that she has already started a new one as of right this moment or a few days ago, if she didn't already have several on the backburner already from months ago.

 

1:00pm

i can't believe it's october! wow!
i woke up to a dark grey foggy sky.
so dark i had to turn on all my lights and i already feel like going back to bed, and i've only been up 3 hours.
when it's this dark and rainish...it makes me soooo sleeeeepy.
i'm listening to radiodismuke
making a hot bath.
ate a sardine sandwhich.
i want to crawl back into bed.
maybe today i will read.
my eyes want to shut, tho.

last night i had exhausting detailed dreams about floods and bloated corpses coming to life.