september 20th, 2004
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wow, i've just reread all that i have posted here today, and i am all over the map!
wow, intense day of my own making.

11:50pm

it's no accident i was born a small 5' 2" female.
for if i had been born a giant male, i would have destroyed this world already in a fit of anger.
which makes me bitching about violence , a total hypocrite. (bad grammar , too)

but seriously, craig kilborn....glad to see him go.
but drew cary tries to take his place?
he is like some total loser who looks up to the asshole bully and tries to emulate him.

if i ever see him i will punch him in the eye.

ok, i need to turn off my tv.
*boom* done.

i don't want to just be a reaction. i want to be an action.

my life whizzes before my eyes as all i do is REact.

*getting a grip on myself*

i have now turned off the tv.

i add nothing to the world by bitching about this shit, do i?

 

11:45pm

craig kilborn and any of his cohorts can KISS MY BOOTS and pay for the priviledge.

11:00pm

jason , also, tried to figure out how to get those symbols off my cam picture.
but obviously, could not. he concluded that THIS camcorder is ALSO broken now, since the red symbols that flash only happen when it is recording with a tape in it or is running out of batteries , which neither is the case.
i don't know...it's maddening tho....

john kerry is on david letterman now.
i don't like him. he's not going to win. but i will vote for him because he is not bush.
so lame, i know.
in all truthfulness, i wouldn't even vote in this election at all, and the only reason i'm going to vote is so that people can't bitch at me for not voting.

and john kerry has totally had botox. he can't frown.
not like that matters. i've had botox done once , long ago, and it totally ruled.
i think it was very smart for him to botox. it did make him look less crabby.

it's a sorry state of affairs that am talking about john kerry's botox instead of what he stands for.
in fact, his entire stint on letterman just kind of blew past me like a minor waft of air from a bland restaurant.
is that the smell of pancakes or some sort of greasy food? a hamburger? some sort of meat...maybe...i can't tell...it doesn't stink, it's nonoffensive. oops, i'm on to the next block and thinking of something else now.

whereas george bush is like walking past a large carcass of a stinking whale that has been dead for 4 years.
not only that, but every rat and maggot who tried to dine on it and get fat is also now dead and rotting.

++++

something i posted in my hat journal:

minor pet peeve

i just have to bitch about a minor pet peeve of mine.
i'm sorry if this offends anyone who is currently on my friends list,
but i really do not understand buying some yarn and then posting to a lj community as to what they think you should do with it because you can't think of anything.
i see SO many posts like that on an almost daily basis, it seems.
and of course people are going to say (like every single time) "i think you should crochet a scarf!" or "i think you should crochet a hat!" or "i think you should crochet a bag!"
i finally broke down today and told some woman i think she should crochet a magical hedgehog with her new yarn.

i just want people to think outside the box, ok? :)

arrrrgh. i don't know WHY that bothers me so much.
it really is just so incredibly minor.
i am in a seriously bitchy mood, as of late.

i need to get back to creativity and be so busy spinning and crocheting that i don't have time to be this bitchy about the stupidest things.

so what have you been creating lately?
and have you been having fun creating it?

*minor bitch mode off and off to do something actually constructive with my life*

p.s. ok, haha :) someone then added to my hedgehog comment that it should also have tap shoes :) ah, that makes my day (it doesn't take much lately to make my day!)

p.p.s. i do apologize from degenerating from lofty ideals of art and the beautiful places that can lead our souls to bitching about minor posts in some lj community like some high school cheerleader. it just goes to show how crabby i am. time to (in new-age-speak) "raise my vibration"!

p.p.p.s. (what does that stand for anyway?)
ok, now i feel like a total evil dork, she replied to me in the kindest ways and melted my heart and said she wished she could make the hats that i make (flattery will ge you EVERYWHERE dah-link).
my bitchness has left me because of kindness. like the grinch, my heart has grown bigger. someone flog me for my sins.

i replied:

"*tries to make the yoda voice*
oh, but you must find your own inner hat :)

(ok, my yoda voice sucks!)

seriously, tho, and i know this sounds entirely corny and new agey...you have to let the yarn be what it wants to be. live with it for awhile. wrap it into a ball. think on it.
put it on your nightstand table and stare at it lovingly before you go to bed. get to be friends with it, and then it will come to you what it wants to be :)

(i know..i'm a total weirdo...i can't help it)"

 

6:21pm

ok, i'm gonna read "idoru".
william gibson said in an interview that i was the closest thing to a real life idoru (but more of a DIY idoru)...
so...i picked up a copy after he said that but never read it yet.

5:46pm

i have a weird habit of once every 6 months buying a pack of cigarettes.
i never smoke them. and i've never been a smoker.
i think it must be a remant of my past lives :)

i know i must have been an avid smoker and i think i thoroughly enjoyed it and relished every aspect of smoking.
all the little trinkets, the cigarette holders, ashtrays, lighters, cigarette cases...
i'm secretly jealous of all the groovy accessories smokers get to use.
i do own some cigarette cases. i keep glittery stars in them.
all the finesse of it, lighting it up, playing with matches and lighters, learning how to make smoke rings.
all the communicating one can do with a cigarette..come here (but not too near), stay away from me, stamping out the cigarette on the ground as punctuation to a sentence...

i really wish smoking wasn't bad for you. and i wish it tasted better and wasn't addicting.
i hope in the next life i will be able to smoke and it will not be a detriment to myself and others.
i like smoke and fire, the sensuality of it.

i usually buy dunhills. i'd like to buy a pack of clove cigaretes but i can never find any.
today i bought some camel reds. i liked the package.

do they still make those cigarettes that are pastel colours? i don't know who made them.
there was a girl who always smoked cigarettes that were the colour of her hair.
if she dyed her hair pink, she'd smoke pink cigarettes.
that was so cool.

most smokers, tho, have no sensuality or finesse or art to their smoking. they just suck them down...like people who gulp down their food without savouring it and exploring all it's intricacies.
i dislike vulgar smokers.

but cigarettes are evil. they truly are.

i'm so weird.

in other news, it was completely the perfect temperature out today.
and it was sunny. i should have gotten out there.
i just saw on the news that rickets is making a come back.
you get that from a defiency in vitamin D.
your body makes vitamin D when it is in the sun, i guess.
i need to get some sun, i need summ athat vitamin D.

i don't like that the days are getting much shorter now...

5:21pm

maybe i have pms.
it's very windy today.
windy, to me, always means that literally there is "change in the air"

5:11pm

i swear the news actually "gets off" telling us the gorey details of beheadings.

is it really necessary to tell us,
"The victim gasped loudly as blood poured from his neck.
His killer held up the head at one point, and placed it on top of the body"

does that really add to the knowledge of humanity and make us better people for it?
what is the point of it except to just titilate us with gore. i guess to make us have an emotional reaction and get our hearts pounding and our blood boiling. incite us to furtherly hate.

i need to stop watching and reading the news. i don't think it does my life any good to add it to my life.

and people on the net are downloading the video of it.
my god.

5:07pm

good grief! beware of killer kites.

yes, i'm still procrastinating.

4:49pm

wow, john travolta is on oprah and he's just crying his eyes out at everything!
it's really encouraging to see a man openly cry in public.
especially a so-called "macho man".
this world will be such a better place when all men decide to openly cry, or even cry at all.

this world will also be a much better place if people just valued sleeping more. people, in general, should get way more sleep.
and all men should cry once a week...or at LEAST once a month.

4:42pm

i forgot i have a t shirt from the enigma and his wife, katsen .
they are such sweet, calm, gentle people.

4:21pm

i've never been a person who liked video games. or even any kind of games, really.
but i have a weird craving to play video games. or to read a science fiction book.
i definitely have a craving to go lose myself into some sort of other fantasy life that is not mine and has nothing to do with me. i just need a break! i have "idoru" by william gibson, i think. perhaps i will read that.

4:03pm

augh! i cannot figure out how to get those symbols off my cam image! it's driving me NUTS!
i've pushed every button and looked at every menu i know about and those damn symbols will not leave! WTF?

and my mom is still emailing me really infuriating shit. i won't go into it.

but i'm just plugging away at my day. cooking, cleaning, bathing, and now i'm getting ready to go to the store.
it's amazing how the time flies.

2:16pm

think of 3 pictures you'd like to see. things around my house. something i can take a picture of easily
then post under the bed what these 3 things are and maybe i will take a picture of your request and post it here :)

1:35pm

because i'm procrastinating:

4 things you would eat on the last day of your life
sushi
guinness
vanilla coke
mangoes
(and mashed potatoes and olives..not together..separately!)

4 CDs from your collection that you will never get tired of
well, i do get tired of things eventually, no matter how much i love them...
but i'd have to say
pink floyd's dark side of the moon
brian eno's music for films
the cure's seventeen seconds
ultravox's vienna

(and john foxx's metamatic and the strangler's feline and bjork's vespertine)

4 movies that made you think
bladerunner (made me think creatively)
the matrix (only the 1st movie)
brother's quay movies

man, i don't know...there are so many documentaries that have made me think but i can't remember the names of any of them! and i think i mostly watch films to lose myself and NOT think, but to just absorb the creativity of them and be inspired. and that isn't really thinking in a logical thinking kind of way...it's the total right brain thing.
i will have to think on this and get back to this question...

4 vacations you have taken

i don't think i've ever had a vacation.
my family did go to florida once when i was a small child.
all the other "vacations" i had were to go somewhere to learn something, like a seminar.
oh, once i went to new orleans with a boyfriend of mine long long ago, but it was highly stressful and i wouldn't call it a vacation.
i also went to england to visit another boyfriend, but that was also really stressful.
i guess i just try to make my entire life be a vacation, somehow, so that i don't need to go on a vacation as much as other people do (and i can't afford it anyway). i take time to destress myself when i need to.
but i sure would LOVE to travel.

4 songs you get stuck in your head frequently:
unfortunately:
lutheran hymns (this little light of mine)
camp songs (99 bottles of beer on the wall)
nursury rhymes (row row row your boat)
commercials (extra value is what you get, when you buy corranet)

4 things you'd like to learn
tai chi
yoga
japanese
glass blowing

4 beverages you drink frequently
vanilla coke
diet coke with lime
c2
caffeine free diet coke
(i know, i'm bad)

4 TV shows you liked when you were a kid
star trek
solid gold
nova
oh mighty isis

4 places to go in your city

4 places most people go or 4 place *I* go?
here are the places i go:

the river
the cliffs
the little store
the post office

 

4 things that never fail to cheer you up

my boyfriend (when he is in a good mood)
my dogs!
getting my hair done into big long dreads!
sushi

also...

(and the ocean, which i never see)
also seeing dandelions
seeing monarch butterflies
watching a good movie
drinking coke in the sun, listening to madonna

1:21pm

argh. last night i accidentally unplugged my cam, which made it lose all it's settings.
and now it shows those little symbols on the picture and i can't, for the life of me, figure out how to turn them off!
aaaaa! maddening!

in other news, i don't understand why 6 feet under didn't win an emmy. what's up with that?

12:32pm

mouseover:

i always have dreams that i am back working at ragstock (this used clothing store worked at for 8 years)
and they have a new kind of register and i can't figure it out.
then, while i was working, my mom was there shopping and she was pretending to be normal but then at the very end she brought in all these people, i think they were supposed to be family ( i didn't know them) and her husband, and a television crew. and all of a sudden all these cameras and lights were on me and she was drilling me with questions on camera...and this was supposed to be some sort of intervention or something. i didn't know if she was doing this to get some sort of confession out of me , or to get me committed to a hospital, or just to shame and humiliate me in public. i got really angry on the camera, and then just shut up and they went away and said they'd be back.
and then, of course, i was extremely distraught in trying to figure out what that was all about and if i was in actual danger and what was her agenda.