september 14th, 2004
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10:25pm

sometimes cheap beer and pringles is all a person needs.

10:05pm

night rain and mr bean.

2:36pm

it's very grey and soggy today.

did all my everyday activities.
read this fascinating journal entry by whitley.

and i suppose i should finish that hat for nee so i can start making her the next one.

i feel more stable today.
my mom had the good sense to make her entries friends only now.
and i am so glad for that because i am compelled to go read her journal to try to figure things out more,
which doesn't help much, but sometimes helps a little bit. but i'd rather not go over there at all.
and if she keeps everything friends only, then i won't be tempted anymore, and that will give me more peace.

i'm trying to cut negativity out of my life.
like, i have not gone to check in on the newsgroup about me for many months now, even tho i am curious as to what negative lies they are spewing about me these days, and i'm sure there is a ton of ridiculous crap in there, as always.
but i have stopped myself from going to look. and it's hard for me to resist the urge. but i've got to resist it because all it does is rile me and grab hold of me and pull me down into fear and anger, where those people in there reside.

so, i feel proud of myself for trying to break myself of that bad habit.

it must be so hard for the huge celebrities to not read the negative things written about them when they are on the covers of the national enquirer and stuff. it must have been hell for jennifer lopez and ben...because there she was o the cover of EVERYTHING no matter where you went. if you were them what would you do? i guess you'd definitely not walk into a grocery store of walk pass a magazine rack, if you could help it. that must have sucked for them.

i'm fortunate that has never happened to me. fame is a cruel bitch, in things like that.

all i needed of it was a little taste. and that was enough for me.

for me, i just need to stop myself from going to certain urls.
and so, it still is within my control, mostly, to rid myself of that kind of crap, except for the emails i get and certain trolls who come into my lj. but at least i can ban and block those people once they write to me once.

+++

on another subject. i am irritated at the level of mysogyny i find even in the "conspiracy" subculture.

there is just no where, it seems, that it does not reside.

as i read that madonna and britney and janet and marilyn and just about every other cool famous sexy woman was really a victim of mind control and was an MKultra mind control sex slave.

because, i guess, if a woman is in control over her own sexuality and dares be a sexual being, she must, obviously, be a mind controlled sex slave for the government.

so just when we finally have women taking a bit of control and being strong in themselves....we find out they are, in actuality, just sex slaves because what other reason could you attribute such behaviour in women?

maybe i am wrong, and madonna really is a mind controlled sex slave.
if so, i'd really love to know when she has the TIME to work for the government. the media follows her everywhere, into every hotel, restauraunt, beach, everywhere! she's always making a record or on tour for the record or making a movie or raising her children...WHEN on EARTH does the government have any time with her? what could she possibly do for them? and WHEN?

i mean, really!