september 13th, 2004
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11:58pm

thunder and lightning!

10:51pm

in my next life, i'll be a gay man...

 

10:15pm

10:00pm

i'm back. it was good to get out of the house.
jason didn't feel very good about his performance, but i thought he did just fine. i just wished he had been louder.
i always enjoy seeing milo fine play, and especially when jason plays with :)

my xanax from india arrived today, for which i am truly thankful for.
i hope i can get some SLEEP now.
god bless the internet for things like that.
people often ask me where i get it.
it's drugs-one.com

i dressed up in my burnt orange body hugging dress from the late 30s and shoes from around the same time with my burnt ornage crochet hat which just exactly matches. it was good to get dresssed up and feel feminine.

the wind is still whipping around out there, but not as bad.
it's such a warm wind, too. i wish i had a porch to sleep in tonight with the warm wind.

it's one of the last summer nights, to be sure.

i think this summer felt especially short this year. it just whizzed by with lightning speed.

makenzie has not gotten back to me about my hair yet, i don't know why.

and the imuze guy who wanted some of my hats has completely disappeared.
i guess i could email him and bug him, but that is really his job, not mine.
if he wants my hats, he will email me again.
but if not, then c'est la vie.

fuzzybumblebee came to jason's show, too.
and she gave my my fave skirt she crocheted and made the yarn, too, and dyed with koolaid. i love it!
i'm going to go try it on right now.

i'm feeling a bit rundown, i think i'll take some echinacea, too.

 

3:53pm

i managed to eat, so that is good.
salsberry steak tv dinner and a c2.
made a bath. the wind is so strong today. i have to open one of my windows to let the wind through, otherwise it just squeals through the crack and it sounds like a howling train.

i'm still just absolutely STUNNED by my mom's action.
i don't know why i am stunned...i mean...i shouldn't be by now.
but i am...i mean only 5 days she waits??? 5 fucking days???
what the hell???

my mother has the discernment and judgement call skills of a crack whore.

2:49pm

i'm singing david bowie's "five years" song, but singing it "five days..."

".........We've got five days, stuck on my eyes
Five days, what a surprise
We've got five days, my brain hurts a lot
Five days, that's all we've got
We've got five days, what a surprise
Five days, stuck on my eyes
We've got five days, my brain hurts a lot
Five days, that's all we've got............"

i need to get to the little store for pop.

i'm dying of thirst.

then i have only 2 hours until i leave with jason to his show.

1:53pm

on oct 21st and 22nd, another documentary film crew is coming here to film me for their documentray about camgirls.
i think they are from L.A.
should be interesting...

1:39pm

only 5 fucking days. what a low blow.
i am just sitting here in a daze.

1:03pm

only a week????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????????????????????????

not even a week, acually. she left lj on the 7th and comes back on the 13th. so she gave it FIVE DAYS.

she couldn't even go a WEEK without lj. unbelievable.

12:49pm

my mom is such a bitch. i cannot even grasp at what level of bitchness she is because it's at a whole new level of bitchness that i cannot comprehend.

yep, there she is on LJ again. she gave that , what, a week? did i not tell you she would just be back on there?
but A ONLY a WEEK?? wow. that blows me away.

and that pretty much proves it right there that she was also lying to me about how she said she only started the latest one to go "resolve" something and she had no plans to stay. it knew that was an outright lie. and there you have it.

i am just blwn away by her nonempathy. she is just the utter most cruel person.
she doesn't give a SHIT about me.

she proves this more and more every day to me.

i hate her.

 

12:30pm

i can never get 8 hours of sleep, lately. i can only get 5 or 6. so anxious.
it's really windy today and hot. the wind was rattling my windows so loudly that was one of the reasons i could not sleep anymore.

my mom emailed me a snotty email saying that because i am cutting her out of my life because of what i *think* i know (and i guess not based on any actual FACT like that she LIED to me), she is just going to get on with her life and that includes her getting another lj.

wow. nice to give that a a whole week, eh?

nice.

well, at least she told me this time. i'll give her that.

oh, and she says she also went into lj now to "defend my honour".
because, according to her, these people were saying mean things about me. which, i have no idea why they would because i've never spoken to any of them in my entire life.

but whatever.

anyway, all of that is just utter stinking bullshit.
and it really pisses me off to see that she is jujst full steam ahead on trying to manipulate me and guilt me out and take me on a little guilt trip with her and trying to put this all on ME now.

this whole "i went into lj to defend the honoour of my daughter and then my daughter leaves me and now she is so mean" is just...a stinking pile of shit.

fuck her.

and then she said she may send me that letter now. who knows.
i just LOVE waiting for all these little ticking time bombs full of guilt trips and god knwos what else.

it makes me into a nervous wreck.

+++

later on today, at 5pm, jason and i leave to go to a free jazz show that jason is playing with milo fine.

it'll be cool to hear jason play again.