august
25th, 2004 |
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the story about the shoes on the mat by the wrestler is a good one...he won the bronz and now has retied that is why he put his shoes on the mat...
wow, i just went to hairpolice.com,
sonia's site...
and they are using the photo that *i* took of sonia on the 1st page (with
no credit to me)
but what an honour that is....wow....that was a shocker to see that.
i see that hairpolice are having
classes again in mpls in oct. tho, obviously, without sonia.
i think i will write a letter and plead with them to let me in, at least.
at least i will try and see if they will accept me...
11:47pm
i don't know why it is that when
i try to find someone to teach me how to do synth dreads i get blocked from
doing it. (please excuse my terrible sentence structure...)
first, the person who came up with the method i want to learn, my dearest
sonia, dies.
and she said to me that she never teaches anyone in the twin cities or anyone
who has not gone to cosmetology school or whatever you call hair school these
days. so that was a total score. she knew i was artistic enough and nimble
enough with my fingers to do it without the prior training. so i thought i
totally scored and i was so happy, but no, it was not to be.
but so totally cool woman from england who was sonia's friend also says she will show me or girl from canada who was also sonia's friend says she will show me, but neither of them get back to me on this. so....it seems those are both dead end , too
i don't know what to make of it.
so, i guess what was meant to happen was that i was supposed to learn this by myself on my own through trial and error, just as sonia did. except sonia did it first, and so i have a huge advantage in learning in that there are some vague tutorials on the web on this.
it just makes me want to conjure sonia up on the ouji board and say "sonia help! how do you pinch braid and NOT screw up your wrists from the repetitive movement like you said only you knew how to do???"
farging farg.
sonia would be pleased that we are
all floundering without her with our less than perfect goddess hair.
i mean, she'd be sad, but she'd get a darn good laugh out of it. and we do
so need her. we do so need her back.
for those of you not obsessed with perfect hair that expresses your very being, this will mean nothing to you. but for those of you who are obsessed, like i am...like the perfect pair of boots that you NEED to live....
as you may have read jacqui's post under the bed about her hair experience...and mine...(and mine are cool) i really like mackenzie from hairpolice...but there is just SOMETHING MISSING. that "it' factor that only sonia could get in your hair. that little "it' factor magic she did. it's in explicable mostly. but i'm pretty darn sure, in fact i am quite positive that i can achieve it.
it's just that, as sonia and i always moaned about, too bad that we can't do our OWN hair.
but i'm just going to have to buy some of those hair school mannequin heads and practice on them.
and i've got quite a few new twists
of my own to add.
and i have a technique that sonia shared with me that she never realized.
and so....
i will figure this out on my own. and i will also come up with my own style which i can already visualize.
10:14pm
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oh! i see, as i look back on the cam captures as i've been gone that it is not just a problem with the nightvision but it's doing the exact same crap it was doing before with or without nightvision. those stupid idiot fixer people. i TOLD them that when they turn the camera 1st on it will act like it's fine and that it is when it's left on for a long time that it starts to screw up. i'll bet they just turned it on and thought "this is fine" and then returned it. GAH! stupid people!
10:12pm
argh! i come back from jason's and
turn on the nightvision on my cam and it is doing the horizontal black lines
across it which was the reason i brought it in to be fixed! unreal!!! aaa!!!
i'm going back there and they better give me a NEW one.
7:00pm
i'm going over to jason's to watch olympics. he was going to come over here but he hurt his back and so needs to sit in a chair. i'll be back in a couple hours.
6:36pm
fixed cam finally! yippee!
and i even bought some hello kitty underwear from target.
but there were NO LEGGINGS at target in the fitness dept. i repeat NO LEGGINGS!
this is a huge disaster for an 80's new wave grrl like me. i cannot and will
not live without leggings!!
i must find some dancewear place or something that sells them online.
leggings are something i just refuse to give up on, i don't care if they are
out of fashion or come back in fashion. long live leggings!
i think i am going to have to learn
how to sew my own leggings. because i just cannot go on like this in a leggingless
world.
4:36pm
it's hot today. but grey.
grey grey grey.
everything just sort of hangs in the air.
now/here to go but through
gonna go pick up the fixed cam any minute here...jason's on his way home from work.
i plug away at the daily activities slowly. pick up a sock here, throw away that bottle there, trim that fingernail here, give the dogs fresh water, crochet tiny stitches on a "thing", get inspired by the olympics, vacuum my room in my mind, feel guilty i am not tackling the taxes, get dressed....
a ufo was seen over minnesota somewhere
a few days ago, and now i hear their are reports of chemtrails.
creepy.
and those planes in russia? you cannot convince me that wasn't terrorism of some kind. i mean, c'mon. get real.
i feel the planet getting wound up for something big again. just like the only other time i got close to cutting myself ever in my life was a few days before 911. it's like i could feel the collective tension.
as jacqui says, it's hard to be sensitive.
but i wouldn't trade it for anything.
little things that people have said
to me throughout th years that hurt me creep up in my mind little mini explosions.
like the time on lj this woman told me is shouldn't have a baby because i
shouldn't wish my genes on another human being.
like i am a mutant, a mistake, something
that should not be or continue. something that should be obliterated.
and like some sort of nazi, she thought i was mentally deformed in some way
and shouldn't pass on what i have to another. my lineage should end.
i tell you, it's not ME who is insane.
i act PERFECTLY sane in accordance with the insanity on this planet.
to NOT act a bit insane is insanity. to act normal in the face of craziness
is sheer psychosis.
i wish little things that people say to me would not effect me and haunt me even years later. it's ridiculous. like the time my 1st boyfriend said i should always have bangs because my forehead was too high. wtf? i knew he was totally wrong and i liked my forehead anyway, and did whatever i wanted to with my hair anyway, but that just stuck with me anyway.
and it wasn't until just a few months ago that an aquaintence of mine remarked that i had such a beautiful forehead (out of the blue), that i was finally healed from that.
why cannot not just heal myself?
2:31pm
synchronized swimming in the olympics..i have never seen anything like it! amazing!!
i am so addicted to the olympics
this time. even the running. those bodies are like racehorses.
it really inspires and motivates me to do more with mine. i feel i should
really take advantage of this next decade in terms of my body and athleticism.
i have never gone in that direction. and this last decade may be the last
i can really push it in an extreme way. i have no idea...this whole aging
thing is a mystery to me.
but just look at madonna.
thing is, i just hate pain and being
uncomfortable even for a minute. i am a cat of leisure.
life is painful enough without having to cause myself physical pain on top
of it.
but i really am so damn curious and
thirsty to know what it feels like to be able to run 5 miles like a panther.
or to do a somersault in the air.
2:18pm
my house and i need a major cleansing.
if only i had the energy.
but i've just got to try to clean a LITTLE bit today. like at least put on
new bedsheets. that would make me feel more crisp. and these dreads need to
come out soon. and then i need new dreads or new hair of some sort.
i want everything to be crisp and clean and shiny and brand new and totally
cleansed and feng shuied.
i need a giant wind to come and sand blast this blecky negative goo off of me.
1:11pm
had a dream i was up at my grandpa's
old farm on a hot summer day.
walked down the long dirt driveway to the main road and saw construction crews
had been there unearthing things.
maybe an archeological dig. i saw the stump of a tree that had been fossilized,
it's inner core was now agate.
then i saw the head of a puffed up cat in the dirt, and i realized it was dead, then i realized it was not a cat but a horse head, it was so puffy it was distorted. it had been 1/2 buried and only it's head was out. the farmer came to take it to the dump or the slaughterhouse. it was only a baby horse. then the mother horse was there to help the baby horse onto the carriage. all of a sudden the baby horse was not swollen and could actually walk onto the carriae by itself. but the farmer knew it would die. the mother horse wanted to go with.
as i walked down the road more, i saw all sorts of animals, lots of those nocturnal cat type animals, i can't remember what they are called. i didn't know what they were doing out in the middle of the day way up in minnesota. i let them sniff my hands so they would not be afraid of me. a saw a mouse, a hamster, a gerbil , a rabbit, all scurry together. 2 times i was scared a rabbit would lunge at me.
a saw a baby deal 1/2 buried in the dry gravel scared and trying to scurry away , trying to swim through the gravel, it's skin was dry and cracked and bleeding.
then the worst i saw a large whale
1/2 buried in the dry earth.
it's like the neighbouring farm boys didn't know what to do with it and tried
to bury it alive and leave it to die. but it had been half unearthed again.
the whale was in agony and it's skin was cracked all over and oozing.
the whale spoke to me in plain english, "why will you not let me die?"
my heart ached for this whale and i didn't know what to do.
+++
in a previous dream i was in some sort of underground warehouse sewer church with my manager, bobby z, where he had set up a show for me there to be played on august 28th , even tho i had written no new songs and had no band.
i tried to leave there but got lost
in the snow.
made it to the car but the dogs were in the snow trying to get in and sebastian,
who was actually paris hilton's chihuahua tinkerbell, was suffocated in the
snow and died.
but she did not tell me and i was so angry with her because if she had told me maybe i could have done cpr to save him.
then i saw that he didn't die that way, but he died when i giant wrestler squished the living daylights out of him causing internal bleeding.
i was in such sorrow and anger but so happy i still had pooka and deiter.