august 13th, 2004
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5:50pm

my haikus for the recently dead

julia child dies
she boiled the lobsters alive
poor lobsters and her

dear julia child
i never did see your show
but i love french food

+++

rick james bit the dust
he burned crack whores genitals
we loved "superfreak"

rick james, super freak
won't miss your mysogyny
but you made me dance

5:21pm

the wig i'm going to get!
and what is this hate pup vs ana voog thing? found it on the net.

 

4:58pm

there are certain things that people said to me long ago, that everytime (almost) i do an action, i think of the words people said to me when i first learned of that action....because they were so nonsensical to me.

like, the 1st time my mom grabbed my hand and told me i needed to push back my cuticles and proceeded to do that, and it hurt, and i asked her "why do you do this?" and she said " i dont' know, it's just what you are supposed to do." and i just thought how ridiculous is that? doing this weird procedure that kind of hurts and she doesn't even know why? now i know why, because if you put nailpolish on it looks better to have your cutilcles pushed back..but she didn't put nailpolish on me that day nor did she even know why she pushed her cuticles back. she just did it without question and decided that it was important enough to pass on her daughter without question.

another time, when i decided use a nail file on my toenails and my mom stopped me and said "you don't file your toenails, only your fingernails!" and i said "why?" and she said " i dont know, you just don't."

???

and when i got my 1st watch and i put it on my right wrist and my dad laughed at me and aid "no, you put it on your LEFT wrist". and i said "why"? and at least he had an answer for me which was if it's on the left wrist and you are righthanded, it's easier to wind it. but of course, who winds their watch anymore?

so everytime i push my cuticles back, file my toenails, or put my watch on the "wrong" wrist", these little "memos" play in my head automatically. i really wish they'd stop.

i have a bunch more of these, too. little tape recorders in my head.

it's weird how there are so many things that people just do without questioning why. and there is just SO MUCH that people do not ever question...ever. even something as minute as filing toenails. it's just bizarre to me. or ye olde never do question tactic "because the bible says" or "because it's the law".

i don't think there is anything i do in my life that i have not questioned why it is i do it that way.

 

 

4:48pm

oh ya, there is a huge hurricane happening on the east!
here it is so sunny and nice...
i'll have to check out the news and see what's up.

julia child's died. she would microwave lobtsers while they were still living.

criag kilborn is leaving tv. thank GOD. that man drives me up a wall.

it sounds like i'm in a bad mood, but i'm not!
i'm actually cheerful. seriously :)

 

4:43pm

i have a zit right in the middle of my nose and now it looks like a have a red clown nose.

nice.

i'm in a happy mood nonetheless :)

 

4:01pm

discovering new msuic. my bath has turned too cold. didn't make food yet.
people love my new hat which thrills me. please someone BUY it :)
i'm trading the blue dutch with unluckymonkey for her candy crustacean hat.
and just as i packed it up this other girl who makes cool as heck wigs wants to trade me this wig i want of hers for the blue dutch. so now i am going to make another but maybe she might want it in a different colour.
i hope i get to make it in a different colour because i hate making the same hat twice. in fact, i've never made the same hat twice.
i'm excited, tho, cause i really want that wig! ooo.
jason is on his way home and he is just going to play chess tonight cause he wants to take it easy because he has an active weekend of seeing his friends and helping his parents set up their stereo system.

fuzzybumblebee and i had the freeform crochet class to teach on sunday but it was cancelled because only ONE person signed up! man!

but i can't say i am sad because i'm not feeling much like teaching anyone anything this weekend.
so it all works out for the best. and we'll have the class next month and the yarn place that is hosting it says they will advertise it better this time around.

ok, i have GOT to get food and take a quick bath. and then i guess i will work on crocheting a hat for the girl who makes the wigs.

i definitely want to get into making wigs sometime.
hat/wigs.

haven't heard from the imuze guy. maybe i scared him off?
who knows...maybe he is just busy.

 

3:44pm

doing the usual. cleaning, dah-ditty-dah. the everyday stuff i must do.
haven't eaten yet , tho. must do that soon. like now.

anacam's 7th anniversary is coming up soon!

discovered emiliana torrini today. her music and voice are beautiful!

2:26pm

trying to get myself motivated to get the heck outside!
it's gorgeous out there! aaa! wy am i not motivated?
i hate when i get like this...but i feel a LOT more energetic than i did yesterday. so, hey, i am recharging...i'm getting there :)

1:27pm

the tree octopus!

another hat that took me forrrrrrrrever to make! (and e crochet hook)
and massively expensive yarn! around 200 bucks of yarn! yikes!

handpainted rayon chenille, the softest silk yarn ever (the olive green), some other super soft yarn that was viscose and linen, and a handpainted colinette yarn that i think is viscose and cotton.
this hat is ssssoooo soffffft and luxurious and you can wear it down or tie it up in a variety of ways like hair :)

you can tie it around your neck (as shown), or you could tie those pieces also up into the hat.

 

12:54pm

again, sorry for the blurry cam. the other one broke and we're taking it in this weekend to get fixed.
thank you for your patience and understanding.

12:29pm

something i wrote to my friend about being stuck:

i find that when i'm in a state of confusion, the best thing for me to do is to nothing big and just get really quiet (inwardly), and then i just pay attention to only the present moment and ask my self the question "what would bring me the most joy to do right now?", and then i just go do that, no matter how unproductive and illogical that may be. and i just keep going like that, trying to not think any more forward in my life than just 5 minutes. and i take 5 minute at a time, doing only is the most joyful thing i can think of doing (and maybe that is just sleeping or watching tv).
and if you can just be in the present moment, thinking nothing of the future, and living joyfully in the present moment...it will become clearer to you, usually, on what path to take.

from what i know only of your journal, you are always going going going on high speed all the time and i think you need to get quiet for awhile. as frustrating as that may be for you :)

also, when i am stuck in my life, it could also mean that other areas in my life are also not flowing. being stuck in a different place in my life can cause other areas of my life to also get stuck.

so i look around in my life and check in on all the areas...my house..my body...my spirituality...sex life...etc etc..and see if there are other areas that are also stuck or stagnant and sometimes just by going and getting those parts back in the flow will let the other parts start moving again, too.

but ya, i've found, for me, that when i get into that same confusing and frustrating predicament that you are now in...making decisions about anything big is usually a bad idea..and that is always so maddening to me because i am impatient and i want the answers now now now! but it's like being in quicksand and the more i struggle with it, the deeper stuck i get.
the being stuck part is actually a blessing in disguise because it's the universes's way of forcing you to slow down, stop, and be in the present moment. because that is the only moment we have. and that is the only place from which real change can occur.