august 4th, 2004
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10:23pm

model headaches solved.

after thinking thinking thinking and thinking, i think i will have no models for my hats. i think i will bring one mannequin torso and just stick different hats on it in front of the audience in a humourous way. i have some other ideas too that i will have to talk over with fuzzybumblebee.

this will simplify things SO much. i don't have to coordinate 4 more people to get to a rehearsal and then to the show. and then feel bad i can't pay them. and worry about what they will wear or their make up and god knows what else.

i just can't deal with coordinating people i do not know and who none of my clothing that i could possibly have them wear fits them. (those who said yes they could do it, possibly, will not be able to fit into the outfits i have) and i have no time to make 4 outfits for 4 people that i do not know and have no idea what size they are anyway. it's too much a a nightmare. there are too many unknowns.

then i can even bring more than 4 hats. i can bring like 8 hats because i'll be able to take them on and off the mannequin quickly. and this will make it more interesting for the audience anyway.

but what i really need is just to find some really unusual people who will always model for me when i need them. i'm looooooooooooookingggggggggggg! i send the bat signal out for future shows! someone who has the time to come over to my house to be my own personal little doll to dress and foof and paint. people who just lovvvvve to look weird and dress up and parade around like peacocks and who live for stuff like that. maybe i need to go to some nightclubs a bunch searching for those perfect people and then hand them my card and hope that eventually i find like 4 models i can always count on who have nothing better to do with their time than have me make them look fabulous. i KNOW they're out there. and models who fit into my clothes. little faerie boys and faerie grrls. a few of those would be nice.

there was one girl who i talked to today who seemed like she could be what i am looking for, but she didn't know if she had to do rocky horror that day or what and also she did not have a car. and so, that just doesn't sound so great to me. i dunno....too many unknown factors for my sanity.

so..i'm just going to spray paint a mannequin silver and have her be my model.
that's all i need. so there.

 

6:54pm

i walked for a good solid hour. that felt really good! i actaully put myself into a trance, as i was listening to my air cd, too. and when it ended, i just listened to the sounds around me, the cars and the wind, and all of a sudden i realized i was totally "in the now". of course, as soon as i realized it, i started analyzing it trying to figure out what "in the now" felt like compared to not beng "in the now" and trying to switch back and forth which didn't work very well.
but i still feel very smooth and calm and endorphined.

and i played around pretending my body went into the earth or inot the sky, ir was as big as the horizon, or went up a tree or inot the fence, trying to pretend i could feel what it would feel like to like there and like that. the fibers of the tree, the gravel in the earth, little square cubes in the buildings. and i sent out tendrils of myself into many things "feeling" them that way. and trying to imagine what things looked like going back in time.
and feeling my body, it's skeleton, how it moved, and how i swing the right side of my body differently than the left side and trying to balance that, and trying to decide if it even mattered if it was.

trying to feel my lungs and my muscles move from a different perspective.
feeling at once like a primitive mammal and some sort of light being space creature.

and when i came back to say hi to jason, "that 70's show" was on, and it seemed even more annoying and foreign to me than ever before. the laugh track jumping out at me like sores.

but now i'm going to watch "amish in the city" and crochet.

 

4:32pm

made it to the p.o. box!
got my answering machine! woo hoo! i'll plug that in later and figure it out :)

got my air cd and south beach diet book :)

now i'm going to go out again for a longer walk.

2:35pm

it's kind of sad and awful to say, but it's a good thing i got too attached sebastian and so i couldn't give him to maw like i was going to, 'cause otherwise sebastian would be without a dad right now and who knows where he would have to be and what turmoil he would have had to go through switching families or being sent a pound or whatever would have happened to him :(

but maw then got a japanese chin and i must find out what happened to that little guy...

 

2:16pm

it's gorgeous out. in the 70's instead of the 80's and supposedly it's going to be like that all week! woo hoo!
i must get outside!!!

but so far i have just been emailing back people who said they would be interested in modeling for me and it's very stressful because as i am asking them for pictures, they are all a few sizes bigger than i am and i wanted to stick them in some clothes i have and there is no way the are going to fit in them and so i really don't know what i will do for clothing at all and i have to rethink everything and i have only a few days to do it. and i still have 2 other things to finish and so this is all just really a stressful mess.

i really want everyone to be wearing remotely the same thing on the bottom. and it has to be simple.

i am now thinking of even making tagboard tubes that are spray painted silver that they could wear.
something really futuristic and simple like that. something easy to make.
i just don't know....

ya, i think that could work, i am seeing it in my mind right now...but i have to make one for me 1st and see if one can move around in it.